Honor may seem like a strange word when it comes to the world of TTWD, but it truly is a core underpinning. I was considering how this might weave into all of this that we all write, read and live about, and it occurs to me that honor is really the base of being able to do these things and make them what you need.
Well, consider for a moment.
You have to uphold the honor for your D. No matter how you’ve defined your D/s relationship, honor is at the center of how the sub really looks at and treats the Dominant partner. Without honoring them, you can have a hard time doing what they ask and what they need. You can end up trying to morph things into more of what you want, and less of their control. (You know, so it can be “better”) – you get into topping from the bottom, essentially.
Everyone has to honor the commitment to communication – this is critical. It is the foundation of the whole trust thing – you can’t just jump in but ignore safewords, for example. You can’t ignore consent. You can’t pretend you didn’t hear someone say “yes” or “no.” All of that really comes down to honoring the commitment to communication. I’ve seen far too many times where, when it comes down to brass tacks (heh!), and someone cries uncle, the other thinks it’s just part of the game. Even though the safeword was pretty unique “omigawdmyhairisturningpurpleandmyleftarmisfallingoff,” the other party figures it was a joke. They keep going.
The /s has to honor the commitment to do it the Dom(me)’s way. This means even when you don’t like or agree with it (within the boundaries of consent) and even when it’s not how YOU would do it. Otherwise, the D won’t have time, energy, and the mental space to experiment, to see how things go, to find out what’s good, or not. And, frankly, the /s might miss out on a real opportunity to learn or experience something really unexpected. I’ve written before about having the cajones to try something, even if it’s tough, or terrifying or whatever (again, as long as within the bounds of consent), and how much I’ve personally learned. It’s important that this honor for the process be there.
The last little bit in all of this, IMHO, is honor for the relationship. Sometimes it’ll be one or the other partner that is or isn’t into it. That does or doesn’t want to do a thing (there’s that consent thing), or whatever. Both have to honor the relationship, look to grow it, look to expand as possible, relax as possible and let it take on a bit of life of its own. Sometimes, it’s best to let things evolve organically, rather than push push push, and other times, it needs a gentle (!) nudge. But honoring the overall relationship and its intent is really key to fostering that whole trust thing.
So, while “honor” is an initially odd word to think about it (I tend to think of knights riding in on horses and defending their queen, but I digress), it really is a foundation for all of this thing we do.
I think that’s pretty cool!