Looking back at October, and at chastity in general, it’s bizarre to think it’s been something like 6+ years of full-time for Charmer and me. We’ve learned a lot, we’ve had some interesting debates (both with us and from outside folks) and we’ve seen this kinky twitter and blogging space roll back and forth as different things sweep through, chastity being one of them.
But… for me, it comes down to “how’s it going? I mean, attaching a fixture to your body, having it there for all this time, then changing your intimate life in ways that may seem illogical at first (“Why, oh why, would you just walk away from sexy time – I mean, that seems wrong.” – something that has been heard many times over the years.)
We’ve learned that we’re more of a “control” type of setup than a denial setup. We’ve learned that it can change how we approach our sex lives, and can bring new communication into the mix (which I’ve written about before). NO, the cage doesn’t do that, but the act of wearing it, giving over that control, agreeing to figure it out, all of that – opens up those conversation doors.
Some Things I’ve Learned
At night – those overnight… inflation? Yeah. They’re going to be painful, but you have options. Thumper (you’ve read and follow Thumper, yes? denyingthumper.com) mentioned a fair while back that getting up and heading the bathroom can really be helpful. As he mentioned, something about changing the biological function seems to help things relax a little.
If you’re concerned about inside the tube, relish it. If it’s a burning sensation, silicone lube is your friend. Just a drop will change your life. Assuming you put that drop where the burn is, anyway. It will really help. Your body will adjust over time, mine seems to go in waves, for a bit of time things are a little crazy, then things adjust and I’m good to go. Then, randomly, it’ll need a new adjustment time.
Also, you’ll probably want to read about the edema situation that popped up for me a few times. Weirdly, I’ve found with the Steelheart anyway (but not the Queen’s Keep), a drop of silicone in the tube before, um, loading, will help keep edema away. I think it keeps things from getting bunched up and allows blood flow to be normalized.
You’ll learn what’s just a nice “oh, that’s…. awkwardly painful and so much pressure. Yum” and what’s “well that’s a weird feeling, I think I better make sure things are ok…” – the latter, don’t be shy about calling pause and making sure things are ok. If you have a break in the skin or just things that need to heal, usually this is about a 5 day process. (This is when I remind you that chastity is 90% in your head, 10% device. Don’t be a dork and blow it when you’re healing – an arrangement is an arrangement).
Chastity doesn’t prevent erections. Sorry (ok, disclaimer at least not for me). But it does re-form what that means. Some devices may stunt growth. Some will constrict, some will redirect it back inside you (has to “grow” somewhere to some extent), and some are sort of a combination. That pressure though is just a reminder and is something you may come to relish. Or hate. Or look forward to. Or, well, cause your partner to smile.
When You’re Starting Out
It can be really helpful to start out by having set times to review how things are going. How do you feel about it? What is good, what’s not what you expected? What more can you do, what more can your partner do if they’re so inclined? Basically, if you can start off having an open conversation, encouraging the back and forth as you both get used this at whatever level you’re doing it, you’ll lay the groundwork for that excellent side-benefit. Communication.
You can start off wearing your device only part of the time. Just go as long as you are comfortable with it, then extend it next time. If it’s painful (like pinching all the time, turning you purple, whatever), you need to reconsider your cage configuration. It could be that the base ring is the incorrect size, or could be something isn’t on quite right. It actually IS possible to have a well-fitting device that doesn’t cause discomfort… except, ya know, when it’s supposed to.
After some time, the cage evolves. It changes into a symbol, a reminder, and a control point. There will be times when you *hate* it, love it, relish it, fight it. Just go one more minute, or second, or hour. See what it changes in your mindset. See what it introduces for you and your keyholder. Use it as an excuse to explore, even if it’s just within yourself, to see what you may not have known before. Different kinks. Different people. Different ways to be with your partner in all of this.
It’s quite the ride!