C is for Chastity Cages and D/s

Chastity has been a really interesting physical and thought experiment run with me. We’re now into this full-time since 2015 – this grand process of FLR, D/s and the chastity cage. I never really anticipated what it would be like, the impact it might have and the cool learning it’s lead to.

I’ve had many, many people ask “are you REALLY full-time with it?” (or some variation of it all. And, perhaps even more, “do you really like that? What is wrong with you?!”

I’ve written before that, for us, it’s not about denial, it’s about control. There is a difference but there are certainly shared times and situations for both. If you’ve followed this site for long at all, you know Charmer very much likes to play with denial in the shorter term. When I talk about denial vs. control, I’m more saying “never,” vs. ” when I want you to.” We’re very much in the latter camp.

But chastity has been more than that. It has pushed its way into causing conversations about life, us, our relationship. It’s not all about that control, though we’ve discovered D/s and FLR along the way – and that’s been a whole ‘nother ball of wax. It’s been great to hit our stride as a couple and, honestly, I think it circles back to the conversations that somehow started back with the talk of a cage.

It’s made talking about FLR ok. D/s – ok. Kink in general, ok. Sex lives… well, you get the idea. It’s brought on this normalcy to exploring and this whole conversation around “hey, I saw this thing….” and talking it through. As often as not, it ends with something along the lines of “I have no idea what that might be like, but hey, I’m game.”

Chastity hasn’t caused me to suddenly start liking to dust the house 24×7, but it did lead to putting everything on the table. The FLR aspects, and the D/s aspects, meant talking through and changing, who does what around the house. I finally came to realize what a crappy allocation of work it was and have worked hard to change that and move the needle more in her favor. Along the way, I found out I really love doing that – the whole service thing.

We explored more and more – more types of things that were interesting – found things that were, and were not interesting. Things we like, things we’ll not likely do again. Got a PA (love it), and more.

Heck, we even discovered Charmer’s sadistic, crazy, incredibly mean love for scrabble-based games. Sigh.

But, really, the cage was the first step. While it sure didn’t “cause” all of things that have materially changed since, it sure was a genesis step. And now? Now I can’t, and I presume we can’t, imagine it not being there. I find that I crave it when it’s not there (DAMN TSA) and all of that. It’s pretty crazy. It’s pretty cool.

I’m very, very much looking forward to next discoveries!

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