It makes not much sense to the logical side of me – the side that I rely on every single day to function, do work, adult. But this has nothing to do with any of that, perhaps that’s one of the things that is so cool about it.
I knew it was coming. I didn’t know WHAT, but just the general “your ass is mine…” statements had kept me considering it for a couple of days, at the very least, let alone our determination to keep playing, experimenting and exploring. But here it was.
I was nervous all day. I thought perhaps I was just not really interested, or perhaps she would forget and it would pass, but the other side of me… well, it was sure that she wouldn’t, and that it would be so. much. fun. (!) to have a for-the-heck-of-it time for us.
Of course it didn’t hurt that I couldn’t move much. Looking back, super thankful for that. I feel like I squirmed a lot less (getting better at that) but still, there were some… intense… implements.
It didn’t matter if it was quick-succession hits, or slow, spaced out, or just a few or a lot. Every single time, somehow, in my mind, it was the “whoosh”, then slow motion connection – my brain going “oh, I think that’s THIS toy or THAT toy” and then the screech through my head and the rush in the next millisecond. Because that’s what it is – it’s a rush. I took it, I made it through – it’s roaring through my body, but I took it.
I can feel when they get harder. I can feel when she runs her nails over the same spots that I know are welts. I can feel when she bites down on some of those same spots… but it’s different than just “ouch” – it’s much more zing-crackle-headrush.
The zing is the connection. The impact, the teeth, the nails touching just that specific spot. The crackle is what feels like every single nerve firing, fight or flight fighting with me, my head, my mind, to retain control. My mind saying, essentially, “eh, wtf? Who needs control right now – chase it – feel every single thing about it – good and bad in the moment!”
The headrush is as the waves ram their way through my body, my head, my mind and roar out the tips of my toes, my finger tips, the top of my head. It’s over the top erotic. It takes place – all of this, between impacts – so just fractions of a second, but it seems like it’s minutes.
She likes to tease me, running a flogger or 3-strap-strappy thing, or handle of toy or her hands, over me. I never know when it’ll change from “yum” to a sharp impact, or a thuddy impact, or a nibble, or outright bite.
It’s fucking incredible.
She likes to play with me – pleasure and pain – mixing it up. This is new – and it’s messing with my head, even now thinking back over it. It’s like this tornado of sensation. Like my head doesn’t QUITE know how to hold on to it, to process it. Shouldn’t that hurt? Oh hell no, that feels amazing, but was that her stroking, or was that the headrush or … both or… ?
It’s a very neanderthal conversation – very animal. The more I stop thinking about things, the more the sensations get sharper, deeper, it’s a perfect trade-off.
Afterward, I lay there, just coming off all the things. Thinking how bizarrely amazing I feel. I mean, wooden things, slappy things, strappy things, strict things, less strict things harder, thuddy things.. all of these just made serious connection with my body – It’s odd to be burrowing in as she watches over me.
Later, I’d ask her – because it seemed so selfish to me – and I want more – “Did you have fun? Did you like it?” In essence, “was it good for you? It was good for me… ”
“Yes, very much…” is her reply. And she has this smirk on her face.
I kinda like that smirk…