I have said it before – I love the ways that all of this thing we do can be done. Flavors of a theme, different “levels” or activities, different approaches. All of it so finely tuned to what works for you and your partners, it’s pretty cool that there is this assumption that “well, yeah. There’s this thing, but you have to figure out the details for you in what you like.“
Take the good ol’ chastity cage, for example. There’s everything from “rivet that sucker in place” to “we use it for play time” and none is better than any other. It’s what works for you.
One of the things that I’ve not had be a thing for us is that of “I put the cage on and *poof* I’m her servant and slave and sit curled around her feet, purring all day and that’s our thing.” I mean, seriously – I’m 6’4″ – you’re not walking ANYWHERE if I’m curled around your feet, right? 🙂
When we started all of this, we played with a lot of things, particularly on the side of chores and how we take care of each other. I found that I really love the whole “service” side of things for day to day life. I love her feeling protected and feeling like she doesn’t have to deal with things she’d rather not have to work with. I’ve told many people that she cared for us, the family, etc. for decades, it’s my turn to return the favor and help her relax a bit.
That’s my motivation. The cage is kink; it’s bondage. It’s control. It’s a symbol of my being “in” this thing we’ve worked out (and continue to work out). But my motivation is one of making her feel great about the things she spends time on whenever I can. Of taking care of things that I can. Of being aware of things around the house and in our lives that need that attention.
My motivation is her smiling when things just happen. It’s seeing her relax. It’s seeing her enjoy something all the bit more because she’s not having to worry about the details that she’s not wanting to control. I love that. Want to go on a side-trip? Great. I can arrange the pieces you don’t want to, and they’ll just happen. Tired of that vendor being dumb? I got this.
That smile, that runs from her grin to her eyes, when things fall into place as she needs them, without her having to do the pieces she’s not interested in – is my biggest motivator.
I don’t say this in any grandiose way – I think everyone in all types of relationships has a vested interest in providing for those they care about. For us, the whole D/sFLR thing just put it all on the table, showed what really mattered, let us have the time to talk about who could be doing what, and provides a fun way to re-divvy-up those responsibilities.
What a great win-win!