I have a love/hate relationship with masks. Not the real ones. I won’t put a mask on. And don’t get me started on clowns….
Charmer is obviously a mask. It covers my identity and allows me the freedom to post and comment in a way that could be detrimental to our real life. I would prefer it otherwise but it is what it is. Family and work would be impacted in negative ways. So, mask is on.
Real me isn’t always real either though. We all play roles of child, parent, significant other, sibling, cousin, boss, co-worker, neighbor, customer and on and on. There are “real” pieces of me in all of my relationships but not all of me in most. Snake is really the only person who sees all of my parts.
I was in drama all through school. Playing a part comes easily to me. I can switch between my personas with barely a thought. And each one is a piece of me which is why they are easy to play. I draw from my personality and experiences and use the things that are necessary to be the person I need and want to be in each of these circumstances.
I grew up in an incredibly open family. We talked about everything and shared opinions and debated. When I met Snake’s family, it was obvious that my open and honest opinions weren’t always appreciated. He always has loved it, but his mom had an amazingly awkward uncomfortable laugh that came out whenever I was too much. Which was, as you might guess, quite often.
Even now, while I am still “me,” I try to be a little less me when I’m with his dad and his wife. They have moved forward in their views to places that I never thought were possible but I still wear the mask of “me lite.”
People who would be looking for it would see our D/s when they interact with Snake and me. But I’m not Dommely Charmer when we go to the dance lesson. There are times when “the look” comes out there or at a restaurant or even with family, but it certainly isn’t private us.
Yes, maybe I could be “all” of me all of the time. But, I really feel authentic in myself even when covering up parts of my life. I don’t lie, but I don’t share. These are private parts of me that I choose to share with the right people.
All of these masks cover up parts of my truth. And all of them reveal parts of it as well. I may not be as much the exhibitionist in my daily life, but I still rock the short shorts and skirts and cleavage. I may not seem like the geeky nerd as Charmer but she’s still there.
And, honestly, if I have to wear one? Charmer is a pretty awesome mask to rock.