I have a fairly public persona that we actively protect when it comes to stuff “here” and “there.” It drives me a little nuts. When both of your personas are almost entirely online, not getting any kind of bread crumb between the two of them is, if we’re being honest, nearly impossible.
A slipped reference, a missed login… and, if we’re going to get technical, even speech patterns and style suggests enough, over time, to draw lines.
I hate that it’s a problem. I have to actively change my writing style. I have to work to use different browsers for different types of work. I have to hide my phone, then encrypt it, then password it, then put locks on applications that then prompt for logins. It’s absolutely ridiculous.
This whole thing of anonymity and not crossing the streams is just over-the-top silly.
Doesn’t mean I don’t have to do it, but it’s just dumb.
I get so frustrated with it because it’s just a cover story that for some reason we are all required to carry. Why do I say this?
I’ve recently been acquiring certain items (let’s call them paddles, benches, furniture, equipment) that are specific to this part of life. [SSC: Snake Den!!] Now, if we were all so “strange” – the wait times on getting these items would be next to nothing – stuff would be sitting around, waiting to be bought. No problem.
But that’s not the case, not at all. Instead, wait times are 2x and sometimes 4x what’s shown on the sites offering them, because… volume. They are making whatever the item is (or acquiring it from their sources) as fast as they can and can’t keep up with demand. Then look at the mere fact that Amazon is in this business, that all of these other online stores are doing just fine, thanks. You see that this is quite the (quiet, but) viable and popular business.
Then you consider the increasingly mentioned stats about the fact that if you’re kinky, chances are your friends and neighbors (or at least a few of them) are as well. Plus all the other anecdotal stuff, like the whole 50 Shades thing and all of that. Clearly, “rare” is not the word to be used to describe all of this.
A while back I read a post by a certain Rabbit that talked about the fact that it’s not on us to impose our kink on anyone else. Absolutely agree. But to have to hide and everyone pretend they’re not interested in something * that so many are indeed interested in is such a waste of energy.
* Not only pretending to be uninterested, but actually condemning – “THOSE PEOPLE are so weird that they would be interested in THAT STUFF” – from TV to news to conversation to… whatever. It is just plain hypocritical.
I’ve tripped over people who have a relationship with my other life when they follow me on Twitter. [SSC: Thankfully I’m a complete unknown in the muggle world. But, believe me, he was shocked when a colleague followed him.] Should I block them? Why? Then it’s me putting some sort of filter on THEM, which I can’t do. How do I know what they are looking for? If they seek me out and get something from what we write, from our interactions, from this amazing group, great!
I just know that when I get *that look* when someone starts to talk about things in this part of our lives – whether it be in jest or judgement or passing comment – my blood starts to boil and I feel powerless to do anything about it, except turtle. Because I can’t jeopardize my professional (and therefore family) life because of close-minded, judgemental people.
And yet, I know, KNOW, I’ll screw up at some point. The streams will cross, whether it’s a picture that shows an identifiable thing that I didn’t catch or a post that has too much of my other life styling, or a tweet accidentally on the wrong account, or simply someone connecting dots that I didn’t realize were there until too late. [SSC: Or me. Because he has had to edit me several times since I don’t have to worry the same way.] And I don’t really know how to deal with that. I don’t know how to react or consider it…
It would be great if I thought I could get away with …
Them: “Wow – this is pretty weird, this thing you do…“
Me: “Right? Don’t you love it? It’s amazing as I’m sure you know.“
Or something along those lines that acknowledges that fact that we’re all human, we’re all curious, we’re all open to trying different things at different points and different levels of intensity in our lives.
But instead, I turtle. Which, to me, is ME being hypocritical. It’s me pretending and lying and not being honest. I’ve always been about sharing experiences. About helping other people consider things differently. It forces me to be someone I’m not and that disconnect is sad, really, IMHO. Not because I’m so fantastic that everyone simply must share with me, but because there is so much I could learn (along with other interested folks) if this all wasn’t the case.
I’ll get off my soap box now and go continue insulating my streams.