Charmer wrote earlier this week (link to the post) about my being a mouthy (in jest) sub and spanking.
We’ve not gotten much into impact play at all to-date (save for a few passing instances). So this was a first. For those of you who already have experienced this, you may be laughing by the end of this post, but I wanted to provide a look at my side of the scene, and the things that both were, and have been, going through my head.
About 3 weeks ago, I’d forgotten a house rule of CFNM. Essentially, I left off the NM part. Charmer came over, leaned down in what seemed like out of the blue and looked me square in the eye. “5 swats.” I didn’t even connect at first what she was talking about. “5 swats for not getting undressed like you’re supposed to.” My mind went into overdrive. First, she’d never done the whole spanking thing, and here I was with an instant 5 swats. Second, CRAP! I forgot to get undressed. and third, whut?! Spanked? I didn’t know, really, what that was like. After the initial wave of panic, I realized that another pressure was setting in. My cage was completely straining. What the hell?
This is one of the things I don’t understand and still haven’t really come to understand about this. Why is the thought of it all such a turn-on? I don’t get it. But then again, I don’t really understand the whole pain thing anyway. All I know is that it’s a ticket to possible sub-space, and I love the idea of it, both before and after. But in all my life, I’d never have expected it. It just is. This was one of those. My cage was completely full and all she did was tell me I’d be punished for not getting undressed.
Then I started worrying about what that would be like. I mean, we got the paddle, and the day it arrived she smacked me playfully a couple of times and things sprang into action then too. It was weird, but all I could think of now was that even those playful swats were a bit sting-y. Now we’re talking “real” spanking and I was getting worried.
Well it came to pass Saturday. I’d been giving her a hard time as we tweeted and watched shows and gave each other a hard time. As is often the case, I opened my big mouth and playfully reminded her that this spanking thing was still hanging out there. Seriously, there are a lot of times when I just need to STFU. I will never learn.
As soon as I said it, the switch went on in her and I knew that night was the night.
When we did head to the bedroom, she had the paddle out and as we started to do the “what’s next tango,” she told me to get on the bed, face down, on my knees. I did, and sort of held my breath. She teased me a bit, rubbing the paddle on first one side, then the other. Then, just when I thought it was going to continue like this at least a bit, SMACK!
That first hit sent a rush of adrenaline, pain, stinging and OMIGOD to my brain. I tried to control my reaction, but before I could really get that, SMACK! The other cheek.
Now, you have to understand, in retrospect, it seems like I process this in very, very slow motion. I can remember the smack, the sting, and then the immediate feeling afterward as if it were very distinct things. But in real-time, it was a rush of the sting, the realization that I’d just been hit with the paddle, the pain of the hit, but then this immediate warm rush that followed. My brain was doing backflips trying to digest it. (Frankly, it still is sometimes). And, of course, my cage was straining like no other. Again, WTF?
I swear, I could even sense the shape of the heart cutout on the paddle. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t in reality, but it seems like I could see where it had been on the hit.
Then I realized that I had tried to melt into the bed. No longer on my knees, she told me to get up, back on my knees, face down. I grabbed the headboard, moved and then the next smack landed, then the 4th. I knew I only had 5 (or so I thought) so I was home free. But the stinging was electrocuting my brain. How could I only be a few hits in and struggling for rational thought already? And how could my head, which was telling me “RUN!” also be yelling in the background “MORE!” It was the oddest disconnect.
She didn’t make me get back on my knees for the last hit, but by this time, the overriding thing in my head was already headed to MORE in absolute disregard for the “run like hell” dialog. I was also already realizing that the things flooding my head looked a lot like the early signs of a possible sub-space scene. Something I welcome with open arms.
As Charmer started playing with me more, with her amazing bites and tormenting me, she kept this up a for a bit, but I think she had other things in mind (as she mentioned in her post). As she wound down my own play time, she pulled back a bit, then I felt the paddle rubbing again on my cheeks. I figured it just a texture thing, just teasing me. I was wrong.
SMACK – SMACK!
I just about came out of my skin, not expecting it, then the rush after. It came over me like a wave, teasing my brain. Not enough for sub-space this time. But as I mentioned to her and she posted, clearly this is one way to get there. I can’t wait to find out more.
Looking back, I CRAVE more of this. The impact play, the pain play. I’m frankly a real pain slut I suppose, and I’m so lucky she loves being on the dishing out end. It does take time to process for me on this. I can’t really understand the draw of it. But I’m getting better at accepting it.
I dread the thought of the sting. But the lead-up, the feeling of the oak and the textures, the sting, then the rush and feelings afterward. These all have this almost drug-like pull for me. It also forces me into my better subby-mindset, which is a good thing for me.
I can’t wait to play more with this. This was our first time, and we both have spent time thinking it through and we’re good with it. Now we can get down to playing in earnest and for more extended times – I suspect sub-space awaits.
And I can tell you right now, I’ll work damn hard to make sure I’m following those rules better, hoping for more playful, and less punishment, spankings.