Safewords are a funny thing. Pretty regularly you’ll see “It’s ok to safeword” on twitter, blogs and all of the places we collectively go to read, write and interact. This is critical, important, and something too many people consider leaving out of a D/s or kink scene. Beforehand, it’s easy to be swept up in the draw of a scene, or a relationship, or both.

But, in the heat of the moment, that’s NOT the time to be calling out “zucchini fries!!!!” at the top of your lungs, thinking it’s your safeword. Get that stuff established at the onset.

Having your fortunes determined by luck is a touchy thing to try. Letting that determine when and whether you get to do a thing is very high trust. As the /s/ in the situation here, I always get these thoughts in my head that “this time it’ll be different” and “heck, they can’t possibly ALWAYS” win – surely there’s some luck here that will turn my way…

It’s always this back and forth – no one wants to give up absolute control, but then there’s that point where it just, well, feels too good to fight. That point, and the different phases leading up to it? Amazing and fun and so cool to experience.

Sometimes I swear it’s the little cues that are the hardest to manage. They tell the most, while at the same time being the most difficult to learn. Laughter is one of those at times…

Something about that simple act of holding her hand. It’s an electric thing, a control thing, a shield thing, an erotic thing. It runs all up and down the line of being so very important, and so very simple.

Fear is a funky part of This Thing We Do. When you talk about how fear plays into your time with your partner, people immediately go to the idea of threats of pain, or getting in trouble for this or that – but if you think about it, it’s a much more core, more primal thing that plays a huge role in TTWD.

It’s that look in your eyes that does it. It gives you away every time. I’ve explained it before, but we can be out and about, at a restaurant, at a bar, just walking around, exploring. It doesn’t really matter what’s going on – but I can look over and see that look – it’s all about being in that playful mood.

Depending on the situation, that can be a kid around thing, or it can be a “batten down the hatches” thing where I know things could get really edgy in a very short amount of time.

Continue reading Crossing the Line →

Perhaps not an explicit “fantasy” type of post, but the whole control thing has been one of the more intriguing (and hard to figure out at times) aspects of having a D/SFLR relationship.  It’s oddly a button for me, and it’s a button for Charmer – at opposing ends of the spectrum of course, so it’s been important to figure out.

Continue reading Control Takes Many Forms →