“We’re going to try something different today..”
I always wonder how you come up with these bizarre things. From challenges to toys to just simply situational stuff.
You walk out of the room and I have the distinct impression that I’m NOT to follow. You come back with the bench (fun!) and your assortment of implements (not necessarily as “fun”) and tell me to strip and uncage.
This story is a response to the challenge for today’s December challenge, the final story of the challenge (though certainly not the final Fiction? posting here on the site). Here’s a link to the challenge post.
“You know, there is just one more present,” you say to me with a gleam in your eye. I’m not sure what else there could be, we’re just finishing up from a weekend of family, presents and food. So much food. So many people.
Continue reading Challenge Day 26 – Response – Story – The Day After
It’s the strangest thing. You’d never know it to look at her, but when the mood strikes, it flashes through her eyes, curves just the corners of her mouth a bit and then is gone as quickly as it arrived. But there’s something about the energy coming off her, something that changes from “out and about” to “pay very, very close attention and don’t mess with me.” It’s magic.
I’ve had times where this flash happens just as we get up in the morning. Other times in the middle of lunch, still others after dinner. I’m not sure there’s any logic to it, but if you miss it, you should probably start worrying about what comes later because it also means that you won’t have been able to feed the Domme-beast (in a good way) from then forward.
This isn’t to say that it’s a bad thing. Quite the opposite. It’s amazing. I wish I knew the switch that flipped or the situation that enables it or the things that I say. Of course if I did, you can bet we’d live right there, on that edge, all the time.
Still, no one notices, but I get the look, the glance. I’m on high-alert. Sort of like DEFCON status. Things get really interesting when this bakes all day and lust starts to kick in.
It seems such a cliche’ thing that you hear all the time in this community.
Be careful what you wish for. You may get it.
This was certainly the case this time.
We are both excited to try out some new items that have arrived. We set aside the time to just relax, goof around and then get down to the business of new toys and options. As we’re sitting there talking and just trying to turn off the day, you tell me that you need me to go get “the box” and “the furniture.”
Seems a little strange, perhaps. But I expected the box, that’s where our new rope is. But the furniture is a different story and intent. When I come back with the different things after a couple of trips, you just point to the middle of the room where you’ve moved the table and have a blanket out.
I lay out our brand new rope and you tell me I just need to check out and come back in a bit. I look at you oddly but you just grin and let me know that you’d prefer I not say a word, instead just let you do whatever comes to mind in whatever way it comes to mind. Sure, safewords are in place, but anything short of that, just let it happen.
Dinner was wonderful. Nice restaurant, great drinks, and the food was so good. It was one of those casual “hits” where it all just comes together and makes it a relaxing, fun evening. As we are walking out, you snuggle up under my arm, nuzzling in against me.
There is this weird, wonderful disconnect that I crave with you. I can see in your eyes that the Domme side is running through you, but often, before we have play time, you have this tenderness about you, this intense tenderness that takes the world away. This is one of those times and I slow down a bit walking to the car, just to extend the time. Selfish, but really nice.
On our way home, you’re talking about friends, happenings, the week – just small talk. You scoot over closer and put your hand on my cage just completely nonchalantly. I look at you and grin and you don’t even look back to meet my gaze. You just keep the conversation going. You’re pretending it’s not happening, but within just a few seconds, that cage beneath your hands is fully-engaged and hiding what you do to me.
We had a rare opportunity of having the house to ourselves this last weekend, so noisier play was something that was possible. Charmer seems to always have a way of taking advantage of that – and this was no different.
She’d already sort of given me a hint – ok, slap upside the head – about some of what we’d be doing because she told me to make sure the clamps were out (why does it bug me to say “nipple clamps?”) and that the TENS unit was fully charged. We’ve played with the (!) clamps before of course – and the TENS unit we dabbled with but didn’t really push.
I really should learn not to joke around about things that I’m just not quite certain about at the time. It may seem like something you wish for at the time in an abstract sense, but it can be extremely intense in reality. It plants a seed in you that you keep around for later use and it has been known to come back to haunt me a bit in the future on more than one occasion.
“ha ha – wouldn’t it be funny if you…” is a dangerous entry into a charged scene. Even though it’s a fantasy or even fleeting thought at the time I may mention it, your mind has this ability to grab onto it and take it to the farthest possible extreme. Sometimes this is good, sometimes it’s a little shocking.
I’ve written quite a lot about my side of things – the power of sub-space, the “buttons” that get pushed for me in this whole thing, etc. It’s a powerful combination of D/s, kink, our FLR and our overall choices of lifestyle. But I stumbled too on to an article talking about the possible guilt associated with the /s/ side of things -that someone is always doing “to” you and taking care of you and… and… and…
And prior to all of this, I’ve written both public and private stories for Charmer and the site that talk about the look – and her attitude when she gets in that space – when she’s in Domme mode, not wife mode. It got me started thinking, then realizing something really important.
That’s what I ended up asking Charmer at the end of our time together over the weekend. It was about 4:30a, and we’d just been through a very intense time together.
Let me rewind a bit.
She’d been accumulating infractions and been teasing the idea of trying out some of her new implements that she’d had me order. A couple of paddle-type implements, a crop, a strap and even a cat-o-nine tails. She’d done research and found these were a good cross-section of different implements and that each had different, well, impact. [SSC: Side note: We had also just rocked our first serious solo dance performance in front of friends and family. ] After binge-watching a few shows earlier in the evening, it came to after midnight and she told me to go get things ready for her.
All day she’d been teasing me, telling me that that night she’d be exercising her Domme side, something I was really looking forward to and, since it’d been so long since we’d had time to ourselves, I was also a bit anxious about just what that would be. We’ve recently decided to up the ante quite a lot on our D/s relationship and the FLR side as well. Something I’ve been working through, not perfectly, but working on it. It also lays entirely at her feet what happens, when, and at what level.
Charmer wrote earlier this week (link to the post) about my being a mouthy (in jest) sub and spanking.
We’ve not gotten much into impact play at all to-date (save for a few passing instances). So this was a first. For those of you who already have experienced this, you may be laughing by the end of this post, but I wanted to provide a look at my side of the scene, and the things that both were, and have been, going through my head.
Continue reading First Spanking Experience – /s/ Point of View
Last week was off just enough to be annoying. None of it huge stuff, but it just added up like life usually does.
We own our own business and our daughter works for us. That’s a good thing for her and for us most of the time. However, when she isn’t happy at work, she has a tendency to come to me rather than Snake. Of course, I work from home and he is in the office. I try to sort things out without interfering (ha!). She wants me to talk to “Dad” and he expects her to behave like an adult and, yeah, you get the picture. So, there was that wonderful employee/family dynamic for a couple of days.
She was also recovering from an ear infection which just added to her unhappiness. And Snake and I were both feeling a bit of a drop from the previous weekend’s activities. Add all of it together and things were just stressful and annoying.
Saturday night we went dancing for a little while and then came home to watch relax with wine and TV. We watched several episodes of Sense8. Still have no real idea of what is going on, but really like it so far. And the rainbow-colored dildo from the first episode? Love it!
Anyway, Snake thought he would try to be pushy about playtime and I told him that he was being mouthy. He jokingly asked me what I was going to do about it. Seriously? I told him that I already owed him 5 swats with the paddle from a couple of weeks back. (I honestly couldn’t remember what he had done, just that I owed him the 5. Apparently it was because he didn’t undress when he came home.) He kept giving me a hard time, and as people following me on Twitter saw, I went off to deal with a mouthy sub.
We’ve been exploring more about sub-space – that place you can get to where the world melts away and all of a sudden the sensations change – often from pain to pleasure, or as we’ve just begun to understand, pleasure to more pleasure.
Last night was a further night of setting things straight. As we mentioned in the “reset” post, Charmer decided that things were just not where they needed to be, so she was resetting our D/s and FLR relationship. It included not coming for at least a couple (I suspect longer) of weeks, the chastity cage and some serious attitude adjustments.
Last night, she mentioned that she’d been building up a really strong Domme drive for several days. As we were driving out of the driveway for some things that we had to get done last night, she reached over, grabbed me by my cage and told me that after we got home, I was going to be restrained completely and she was going to torture and have her way with me. She couldn’t tell, but my cage was instantly full.
I had a hard time concentrating while we were out – it seemed like her Domme Eyes ™ were in full use all evening and each chance she had, she reminded me that I’d soon be locked in place for her entertainment. She didn’t disappoint.
It’s late on Sunday morning and thought I’d write a post about the last couple of days. Some life stuff, some kink stuff and just an all-around gorky happy post. Gorky? It’s a Snake household word. You know the sound a cat makes when it throws up? A little like “gork, gork, gork?” That is our expression when people are being super sweet and romantic and happy and everyone just wants to throw something at them.
I had been teasing Snake all week that our his to hers orgasms ration was way too high on his end. It was at 20:1 in favor of me. We’ve been really busy the last couple of weeks and play time has been a little scarce. Thursday night we had time and he did his best to fix those numbers. He gave me 17 very nice orgasms and two really epic ones. We have a rating system. You know–the whole 1-10 thing. Rarely there are a few in the 3-4 range. Mostly they are in the 7-9 range. However, sometimes there are the amazing 10s. Sometimes afterward I feel a little like a judge in a sporting event. Maybe we need to make some paddles. 🙂 He always knows when they are 10s, but asks anyway. He was a very good Snake on Thursday and managed two of those. Happy Thursday to me.
I thought I’d give my side of Snake’s post yesterday about learning what pushes his subby buttons. He mentioned his morning inspection, which is really more teasing than inspection, and the fantasy stories that he writes for me. I think last weekend was really what put him in his mental space this past week.
I am continuing to learn about what pushes my buttons in this new(er to us) lifestyle. I wrote before about the “subbie” energy and how, I believe, you pull it from the things that happen, and the relationship, rather than have it necessarily instilled in you by your Domme. I do think it’s comes from a whole range of things and I’m finding that it’s also a combination of things that really pushes things over the top. Do I love it when I’m pushed by Charmer to do things that I wouldn’t be otherwise doing? You bet. No question.
But I also love it when there are a bunch of little things that constantly keep pecking at the relationship.
There has been a lot of blogging lately about how subs can be made to feel submissive. Several people have talked about more discipline, several have talked about more verbal commands and Snake made his feelings known last week.
There are so many posts on what makes a Domme. If you do x, you aren’t really a Domme. If you don’t do x, you aren’t really a Domme. It’s the fantasy version of the woman in black leather holding handcuffs and a whip. It’s not reality. Sure, there is probably leather, handcuffs and whips in many of our arsenals. But I think those are tools, not the actual domination.
One of the things Charmer and I do to help in the communications area is to journal to each other every weekday. We have a private blog that we write posts on to each other. Mine are due by noon and hers include feedback and responses to mine, plus her own thoughts. It’s been an excellent tool, in a private, passworded forum.
One thing is abundantly clear. I overthink. And then I overthink some more. If you read my posts, you’d see that I’m constantly in a place where I’m asking things like
It’s constant. From my feelings about D/s to how the FLR works to play time, I’m the one constantly trying to figure out the WHY or the feelings behind it. So much so that I’ve taken to exclaiming “(GAH!)” every time I write “the way I feel about this is…” It’s actually getting kind of comical. Charmer is left to remind me over and over “Does it matter why? Just let it be and go with it!” Not that she doesn’t care, not at all, just that I need to learn that some things just… are.
For example, if you’ve seen the Submissive Guy comics, I love ’em. They show how the character loves the dynamic of the relationship. It’s the whole point of the comics, really. Leave it to me to constantly question “but WHY does it (being the /s/ in this whole thing) feel right?” Of course I usually follow up with “Is that normal?” Then, for some reason I have to sit and analyze and think through and come up with my thoughts on why this-or-that may be happening.
Charmer? Not a chance. “Oh, I like when we try this or make these changes or add this to the FLR or that cage or…”
I see this on some other blogs too – one person is constantly in analysis mode, the other is just “eh, whatever.”
I think this may be one of the biggest impediments to FLR for people. We spend so much time fighting a tendency that we may have toward incorporating a female led relationship that we don’t give ourselves the chance to just let it be. I don’t know if it’s society that puts that pressure on, or our own thoughts and feelings (GAH!) or what it is, but it’s a pretty big leap, at least for me, to take.
In the last 16 or so months, I’ve worked quite hard to settle into the new dynamic. Every time I just go with it, it rolls along almost magically. It’s peaceful, it’s “right.” Then, when I realize it’s happening, I have to sit back and try to figure out why it would make such a difference in my mind and in our relationship. I can’t just let it be. I have yet to figure out the why. But that’s OK.
I love taking care of Charmer, making sure she has what she needs and letting her manage the house, our lives and such. She’s amazing at the juggling act it requires on the homefront. From family to our own hobbies to us. I feel like it’s my job to facilitate that and make that as doable as possible. When we’re both firing on all cylinders, there’s nothing quite like it.
And lately, as this all settles into place quite nicely, this happens much more often than not. That’s a pretty amazing place to be.
Now if I can just figure out why it took so long to figure out we needed this change. Any why we like it so much. And why it works so well…
I think the influence of the cage is strange.
I’ve not had it on for a few days because of travel and circumstance. To say that it’s… different, is putting it mildly. I’m sure it’s psychological. I mean, how can NOT having a stainless steel cage on me make a difference in my mindset, if it’s not that?
I find that, now that I’ve had it on for the last year or so, I do miss it. I’ve read about others experiencing this. It’s not a lack of sub-mindset, but it is different. I know Thumper has talked about it over the years many times. I never really understood how it could be, but it most certainly is. There’s a difference in me, and Charmer sees it too.
But it’s stronger than that. It’s like the O-control has softer corners and edges. It’s still very much there, but it’s a “because I will it” not a “because she’s controlling it actively.” Weird.
I find myself thinking through many aspects of this whole thing – the differences in life, the mental state (heh, always question my mental state), the “why” of it all. Charmer is always amazed that I spend so much time wondering why it all works. She’s much more of a “hey, it works, that’s great!” I’m more of a “yeah, but why? It makes no sense!”
What’s odd is in talking with different people on Twitter and reading other blogs, there is often one of the people in the mix that thinks things through – and in male-sub relationships, it seems to predominantly be the male. It’s strange to think (see, analyzing again) that “it’s a guy thing” – I mean, what would that be about? Just not sure. I think there is much to learn.
But, then again, that’s what makes all of this so amazing!
I was surprised to learn that sub-space is a visible thing – I didn’t realize it until Charmer mentioned it in relation to a picture post she’d found.
I thought it was more mental, more in my head. To think that you can see it. Yikes. This whole thing really is a “laid bare” kind of relationship. I think that’s a big piece of D/s — being OK doing that. The letting go. I think it’s required as part of it all, but I didn’t really expect it to be so clear or perceptible.
If you think about it, about BDSM, about FLR, it’s all about trust and releasing (or taking) control. Yeah, yeah. I realize it’s about power exchange. But it’s more than that. I never considered how it would be mental, physical and the combination. I think those are really three different things.
I see the mental as willingness and the FLR changes in lifestyle. I see the physical as trusting and being open to new ideas, new things and letting her completely drive all the different aspects of that, often in playtime, but at other times too. And it can’t be “some” or “up to a point” (safewords aside), it has to be all-in. If it’s not, boundaries can’t be pushed, the Domme can’t be doing what she wants, etc.
But the “combination” is where the magic has proven to be. When the physical is combined with the mental – things that we’ve found we like, things where she combines the sensations and D/s and control and such. Those are beyond anything I thought possible. I think that “combination” space is Sub-Space, especially when it’s deep and complete.
THAT is incredible. I’ve also seen that she sees and feels similar things herself when I am there. I see it in her eyes, her actions, her care. Her attitude changes, her approach is different. She is both really into it, and experiencing it at the same time. It’s pretty amazing.
I feel so lucky to have us going down this road to discovering these things.
~SteeledSnake