Having fun keeping the horniness alive…

We’ve talked about integrating D/s and FLR into our daily lives.  Sometimes it is hard to find time for long play sessions with other things going on in our lives.  Life does have a tendency to interfere with what we want to be doing.

Snake and I have certain rituals that we do to reinforce our play when we are short on time.  They are our ways of staying connected.

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An “off” week at the Snake household…

We’ve just had an out-of-sorts week this week.  It started off with a misstep, which caused a misunderstanding, which moved on to a full-scale argument.  We rarely argue.  We bicker.  A lot.  We regularly call each other rude names in public and freak other people out who don’t know that this is our silliness.  We annoy each other like every married couple, but usually nothing really sticks.

Snake has a really slow fuse.  I am explosive but then it’s over in 30 seconds.  Our daughter is just like me and he is always amazed when we go from screaming at each other to giggling in no time flat.  It’s just who we are.  And our differences usually keep things calm because he just rolls his eyes at my rants and all is good.  I’m his sounding board so he rarely gets too angry.  When we start having hurt feelings and miscommunication, all bets are off.

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Our Version of Dominance and Submission

There has been a lot of blogging lately about how subs can be made to feel submissive.  Several people have talked about more discipline, several have talked about more verbal commands and Snake made his feelings known last week.

There are so many posts on what makes a Domme.  If you do x, you aren’t really a Domme.  If you don’t do x, you aren’t really a Domme.  It’s the fantasy version of the woman in black leather holding handcuffs and a whip.  It’s not reality.  Sure, there is probably leather, handcuffs and whips in many of our arsenals.  But I think those are tools, not the actual domination.

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Update on the PA – 3 weeks in

The Prince Albert saga is heading toward normalcy now, but thought I’d pass along an update on my learnings.  When I was considering this, it seems like you see a few different types of posts:

  • I really, really, really want to get a PA, but I’m terrified of getting my junk pierced.  Does it hurt?
  • Typically in response to the one above, “No, go for it.  It’s great!”
  • Posts about the terror of getting it done.  Often, these are linked to videos were you would think the entire lower body of the individual was being lopped off at once and re-attached during the piercing process.  Not a good representation of the process, and alarmist, to say the least.
  • Posts about the day after – “It was a bloodbath” was my favorite in this genre.
  • Not much thereafter really.

So I wanted to try give some more information.  When first pierced, I was given a 10g 7/8″ ring.  Freakishly larger than I expected.  As I mentioned, it was explained that this was just a starter.  You can bet your sweet…. piercing it is.  It’s large enough, actually, to cause issues, at least for me.  The torque on the ring twisted it all around and caused more irritation than the basic piercing process.  But, It wasn’t my call.  Besides, let’s be real.  When I was getting the piercing done, he could have told me he was going to thread a small, rusted, bent fishhook through and I wouldn’t have objected.  I was too terrified.  All for naught, but it’s the truth.

Quick side note, just to cover my back side.  Never pierce your penis with a small, rusted, bent fishhook.  It won’t end well.  Oh, and while we’re at it, don’t put lead solder through your piercing to “keep it open” or stretch it.  Yes, I’ve seen posts about this, believe it or not.  These things are bad for you.  Very bad idea.  See a piercer, get medical implant grade metals, make sure it’s sterilized, etc.

Quick status.  We’re now approaching 4 weeks in.  Be sure to read the other posts about the PA experience, it’s been an interesting ride at times, but generally very straightforward.  I’d agree with the second bullet above, “go for it.”  It’s really cool and you’ll like it.  A lot.

At about 2 1/2 weeks in, I finally decided I’d had enough with the big ring.  But the piercer used a tool-required captured ball ring.  This means you need to go back to the piercer to get it changed out (a good idea) or have the tools (in my mind, a better idea, so you can deal later) to do it yourself.  There are a number of places that sell the funky tools – basically reverse pliers – you can even find them on Amazon (not an affiliate link/nor endorsement). They make removing the ball possible and even easy.

Original ring out, I had purchased an 8g and 6g ring (Titanium) from an online retailer and put in the 8g ring.  Went in without a hitch and even had the presence of mind to buy one that didn’t require tools to put the ball back in (snap-in captured ball ring is what they call it).  I also changed the ring size, down from 7/8 to 5/8.  Seems like the most common sizes are 5/8 and 3/4.  The right size depends on a) you, and b) the type of jewelry you’re putting in.

If you’re putting in a ring, you can be pretty close to the distance between your piercing and the urethra opening.  I don’t have a curved barbell yet, but my understanding from reading and such is that you should likely go one size up (so 5/8 to 3/4 for example) for the distance between the end-cap balls.  This is because the barbell “settles in” to your urethra differently than the ring does.  It needs a bit more room.  Feel free to add a comment if you have more experience with this, and I’ll update too as I try different things.

The other variable I’ve seen is the sizing on the end-cap balls.  Don’t go small.  You don’t have to put beach balls on there, but you don’t want tiny balls either.  <Giggle.  SSC> Yes, I realize how you’re probably reading this, but bear with me.  If they’re too small, they can slip into the urethra and that’s “unpleasant.”

I’m now sitting in a 8g, itching to go to 6g when the stars align.  The 8g is SO much more comfortable.  The correctly sized ring is as well.  It was an amazing difference with it in.  At this point, from all I can tell, things are healed fully and just settling in.  To me, the difference is *any* kind of pain or discomfort suggests healing – and that’s gone.  It used to be uncomfortable with pressure on the ring, or moving it, etc.  Not bad, just … odd.  Now, it’s no longer the case at all.  I call that healed.  The settling in comes from now trying to get accustomed to a new chastity device (my next project) and letting my body tell me when it’s cool to go to the next gauge size.

The new Steelheart is incredibly well made, and I’m looking forward to the PA attachment it has.  In the little experimenting I’ve done thus-far, it’s very comfortable and, yes, looks great too.  I know, “patience young grasshopper.”

I’m so good at being patient waiting.  I mean, it’s not like I have to constantly remind myself that I really don’t want to push this, that it needs to move along at its own pace.  Oh yeah, I do have to keep remembering that.  A good friend (DualDrew) let me know that I needed to wait about 6 weeks before really judging.  Seems about right.  But the payoff is that it looks really cool, feels great and soon, perhaps, Charmer will let me experience the other fun side of things… But that’s a different post.

Feel free to ask question, post ideas, post your own experiences.  Of course everyone is different.  But I keep hearing my piercer in my head:

It’s a really simple piercing.  If all guys knew how simple it was, and how great it made sex afterward, I can guarantee you *everyone* would have one.

That’s pretty cool. Still waiting for my “welcome to the PA club membership card” though.

The female perspective on life and PAs

I know Snake is frustrated about the healing time of his PA.  It has been three weeks today and he is mentally raring to go.  He wore the Steelheart for a couple of days after it arrived because, after all, it is new and shiny.  He also isn’t completely healed, has a larger than necessary ring and ended up with a small cut that needs to heal.  So, he is free for the last couple of days and being very impatient.  He has decided that it needs to be done so his body just needs to get with the program.  I can’t blame him.  I’m the person who feels personally offended by my body if it succumbs to a cold.

While part of his frustration is lack of teasing that he is used to, I think a bigger part is that he wants to let me have whatever I want.  We might have gone through a dry period before we started all of our FLR and D/s activities, but now that is over.  Thankfully.

We have a private blog that we write to each other daily and there is an orgasm log on it.  He started the count on January 27th of this year and so far he has amassed 8.  Those are real ones and don’t include the 5 ruined ones.  Using those numbers, Snake averages about one every week and a half.  He did have one two weeks ago so he isn’t completely chaste, but it has been a while.  Enough of a while that when I decided to play this morning during his inspection, he was more than ready.  However, due to a punishment, he owes me a few more orgasms before he can come.

We’ve had a really busy and tiring couple of weeks and given the choice between sleeping and playing, well, sleep won.  Snake was starting to get worried that things were sliding back.  It really had nothing to do with not being horny. So, he was quite happy when I told him yesterday that we didn’t have plans and that I was ready for some attention.  A nice bubble bath and then time to up my count on the orgasm log.  And even if Snake is still healing there, he still upped my count by 19.  Not too shabby.  My count is 185 since the end of January so I guess my average is about 18 per week.  I still think we need to work on that, Snake.  🙂

So, while he is frustrated and feeling like things will never be back to normal, my job is to give him some outlet for his frustration and remind him that this is a journey.  Life will occasionally get in the way, the PA will take some time to heal but we are still moving forward and having a lot of fun.

Player Substitution

Snake has been completely overwhelmed by work this week.  His Muggle life is very busy on a regular basis since we own our own business, but this week has included an event that just pushed everything even more.  Adding to our usual dance classes, stuff around the house and his father trying to make him feel guilty and he just hasn’t had time to post.  So I thought I’d give everyone a quick update.

His PA is healing so well that he is making me jealous.  When I got my belly button pierced, it got infected and it was six months before I was supposed to change the jewelry.  In my daily inspection of the PA, I can see that it is really already healed.  Excluding a couple of times that the ring got turned sideways, he hasn’t had any discomfort in over a week.  And today is the two week mark.

His Steelheart has shipped and should be here very soon.  We figured out that he has been in some sort of chastity device since December 2013 with just a few breaks for trips.  He’s really noticing the “off” feeling of being free while he’s been healing and is definitely looking forward to getting locked up again.  I told him that he had to strip when he was home and no one else was around to try to get some of the subby feelings back.  It has helped but it just isn’t the same.  But, even when he is locked up again, I decided the clothes-free zone will continue.  It gives me more opportunities to play…

Watching his dad work his way through getting older, we have decided that we will never get old.  We might get older, but we will continue to try new things and be adventurous.  We know that his stepmom quilts a lot and loves to bake.  We have no idea what his dad does all day.  Other than nap.  And apparently wait for Snake  to come for lunch once a week.  Snake cancelled on them, for one of the first times ever, due to work.  Snake could just feel the waves of disappointment from them.

They are snowbirds and we are their winter home.  After Snake’s mom died, his dad married someone he had known since high school.  She had stayed there and he had a house here.  They decided to split their time in the different climates.  During the “summer” half, they have friends who are all retired.  They can go to each other’s houses and eat pie and chat every night.  We have jobs and other commitments.  It makes them feel ignored because sitting in a circle and eating pie while talking constantly is not our thing and not possible with life and responsibilities we have.

We also won’t go to church with them.  His father never went until he remarried but now has decided that his greatest failure was not instilling this in his children.   Snake is one of the most moral people I have ever met.  We’re just not religious.  Church has become their thing.  I respect that.  He just doesn’t respect that it isn’t ours.  Our daughter went to visit them about a year and a half ago.  They took her to their church where the entire sermon was about how young people need to go to church and be part of that community.  She was the only person under 50 in the place.  It certainly wasn’t directed at her.  🙂

I often wonder how Snake came from his family.  He is more liberal than when we first met but his parents were prudes.  I came from the family where just about anything was ok as long as you paid your own way and didn’t hurt anyone.  Snake’s mother redacted the book “Airport” before he could read it because “the sex scenes didn’t add anything to the plot.”  My mother let me read anything and just told me to ask questions if I didn’t understand something. Snake’s dad gave him a talk about STDs and told him to “keep it zipped.”  My mom took me to get on the pill. It’s a wonder I didn’t fry Snake’s brain more than I did when we started dating.

You can just imagine the reactions that our daughter has gotten from his family at large to her piercings, tattoos and sexual “phase” (she’s bi, must be a “phase” according to them).  You would think we had raised the next Hannibal at the beginning.  🙂  I think there is hope for them, though.  They have started spending time with her alone and I think they have realized that she is really epic.  I just don’t think Snake will be sharing news of his PA anytime soon.

I guess all of that is really to say that I have an amazing husband.  He takes care of his parents, he takes care of his children, he takes care of me and he takes care of his employees.  We are best friends, business partners and kinky lovers. The more we push, the more we want to do.  And we’ll leave the getting old and naps to other people.

For the Win

Just to put it out there–I am competitive.  I can hear Snake snorting while he reads this because if there is an overly competitive person in this relationship, it is me.

I’ve never been sporty so I’ve always had to find other outlets.  School was easy.  I became Valedictorian to win.  If Snake and I have ridiculous arguments, they are usually having to do with winning.  In college, the game Othello almost ended our relationship several times because I could never win that stupid game.  Even now, my family tries to ply me with alcohol for a chance to win You Don’t Know Jack.

Snake and I took up dancing as an empty nest social activity.  We wanted to learn to dance so we could go out and feel comfortable.  No, we don’t want to compete.  Yeah, right.  Less than four months in I had started plotting competitions and shows.  And, of course, it isn’t just one dance.  It is six different ones and a group piece.  I never do things slowly.

The point of all of this is the sexual side of things.  I am constantly competing with myself.  I edged him x number of times last week so I want more this week.  If I can ruin one orgasm, can I ruin three?  (Yes, I can.)  It’s always more, better, faster, longer with me.

Not that Snake is without his own competitiveness.  If I have fewer orgasms in one session, he always wants to know if he did something wrong or could do something better.  And he pushes his limits with me as well.

Before he decided to get his PA, Snake did enough research to become an expert on everything except how he himself would react.  It was planned for the end of the week so he wouldn’t have problems at work and a Steelheart was ordered so it would arrive about the end of his healing period.  Everyone said it would be about four weeks to heal.  So, of course, he had to do better than that.  🙂

As he has written, he had very little pain or bleeding.  It also wasn’t tender at all.  So, on Friday, I thought I’d play a little.  He tried to distract me, but that never works when I’m on a mission.  To his surprise and my glee, it not only didn’t hurt but felt really good.  Good enough that he got his orgasm about three weeks earlier than he thought he would.

Not that he should get his hopes up that anything has really changed for his chastity.  But, Friday night, I won.

Well, I didn’t die.

I suppose there’s that.

Just an update on the healing process for the PA – I have been liking waking up with the lovely morning wood, but have had a couple of rather odd experiences.  One related directly to that, the other, well, you’ll see.

On the healing front, things have been… sensitive.  It’s almost like a very bruised type of feeling, but I attribute it not to the piercing process itself, but the ring torquing things around.  I mentioned that the ring is larger than I expected, and I suspect it sits funny during the normal course of the day.  In this time getting used to that, it can make things pretty sensitive (like a deep itch or bruise) and at times a bit like pinching.

I don’t have any worries about something being wrong; truly just think things are healing (no redness, no infection, no other issues).  But it’s annoying at times.

The other night though… wow.  I woke up to the sensation of my penis being wrenched around.  It was the first night that I’d messed up and ended up sleeping on my stomach.  I woke up to this pain that was pretty sharp.  Of course, you don’t think very clearly when you’re asleep, so my mind immediately went to “OMIGOD, I’m going to have that bifurcated penis thing the piercer was joking around about!  I’m going to die from this piercing!

As I came awake, I grabbed my crotch, exclaiming and panicking.  Of course Charmer was consoling me too – and wondering what had just happened.  It hurt.  Pretty badly!

I grabbed hold of things, headed to the bathroom to see the damage.  I had clearly caught the ring on something or torn something, so needed to see what I had to do now.

When I got to the bathroom and looked…

Nothing.

Not one damn thing.

Not even a red spot.

WTF?  I was in serious pain here.  Then, as my brain fog started to lift, I realized that it actually didn’t hurt much any more.  I must have just put pressure on it wrong.  My brain registered it as “the world is ending!”  and proceeded to wake me (and Charmer) up out of our slumber.

I couldn’t believe it.  I was embarrassed, aggravated and wide awake, as was Charmer.  Sigh.

Things are good, the healing is coming right along.  Of course Charmer is taking every opportunity to point out that “Gee, it’s too bad you’re healing, we’ll just have to hold off on your play time, but that doesn’t mean *I* can’t play!

Right you are, Charmer.  Right you are.

Walk with Pride, Man, Walk with Pride!

There’s an old joke that goes something like this…

A player, new to the game of baseball is having the ins and outs explained to him while watching a game.

As batters come up, they swing, miss, some hit of course.  But a bit later, the batter is up.

Pitch… ball.

Pitch… ball.

Pitch… ball

As the last pitch is ready to go, the person helping the newbie explains “If this last one is a ball too, the batter gets to go to first.  He’ll get walked.”  The newbie looks at the person helping them, thinks for a minute, then goes back to watching.

Pitch… ball.

With that, the person explain says “He gets to walk, he’s got four balls!”

The newbie stands up and start cheering madly.  He yells to the runner… “Walk with PRIDE my man, WALK WITH PRIDE!”

Now, I won’t claim to have four balls.  But I will say that the new PA has a tendency to introduce new swagger.  It’s a great feeling that I went through with something that was more than a little scary, but is awesome.

The latest update is that things are fine.  No bleeding, no … nothing.  Just getting used to having a ring there and trying to imagine what things will be like going forward… in a good way.  But that’s for another post.

PA – Prince Albert Piercing Experience – Day 2 and 3

One thing that I have not seen mentioned anywhere at all, and that surprised me when I had this done a couple days ago, was the initial jewelry size.  The 10g ring wasn’t unusual, but the circumference of the ring was surprising. It’s big.  Very big.

In talking with a few other people that had it done, they experienced the same thing (whether they had a ring or a barbell).  The initial jewelry is oversized so you can determine what works for your own anatomy.

So, don’t be surprised if the ring is a 7/8″ diameter or something close to that. It looks abnormally large.  The thinking behind this is that you need to find out how your body reacts to the ring and piercing and find out how much your stuff changes when you get an erection.  This all comes in to determine the final sizing of the ring or barbell.

Day 2

As a general status update, Day 2 had some bleeding, but nothing big deal.  I used a maxi-pad… one.  it stopped bleeding later in the day.  The blood wasn’t a big deal at all, but would have been a pain without the pad.  I have a new-found respect for the periods that ladies have to put up with.  I mean, those pads work great, but getting them in and positioned … just not something I’ve ever had to deal with.

A little pinchy-type sore (see above for the big ring stuff, that I think is a big cause of this).  But nothing at all that was a big deal.  I would describe it as an itch-level annoyance. I can see some very, very slight puffiness, but I can certainly understand that given the piercing that was done less than 24 hours prior.

Day 3

No bleeding at all.  Puffiness has gone down, but not gone.  It’s a bit more annoying today with the bigger ring.  I may go back to the piercer early in the week to try to get the ring swapped out.  I’d like to go down perhaps to a 1/2″ or so.  I don’t know the options and I don’t know their suggestions/recommendations or issues swapping it out so quickly.  We’ll see what they suggest.

I’ve had no stinging when peeing – something you see people talk about quite a bit.  I’m not sure why I haven’t had it, but it just hasn’t been there at all.  I’m feeling really good about how it’s healing and settling in.

Also getting over the shock that I went through with it finally and have it!  So cool.