Of Cats and Bruises

It’s late on Sunday morning and thought I’d write a post about the last couple of days.  Some life stuff, some kink stuff and just an all-around gorky happy post.  Gorky?  It’s a Snake household word.   You know the sound a cat makes when it throws up?  A little like “gork, gork, gork?”  That is our expression when people are being super sweet and romantic and happy and everyone just wants to throw something at them.

I had been teasing Snake all week that our his to hers orgasms ration was way too high on his end.  It was at 20:1 in favor of me.  We’ve been really busy the last couple of weeks and play time has been a little scarce.  Thursday night we had time and he did his best to fix those numbers.  He gave me 17 very nice orgasms and two really epic ones.  We have a rating system.  You know–the whole 1-10 thing.  Rarely there are a few in the 3-4 range.  Mostly they are in the 7-9 range.  However, sometimes there are the amazing 10s.  Sometimes afterward I feel a little like a judge in a sporting event.  Maybe we need to make some paddles.  🙂  He always knows when they are 10s, but asks anyway.  He was a very good Snake on Thursday and managed two of those.  Happy Thursday to me.

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What Makes FLR Work?

FLR (Female-Led Relationship, or FLM Female-Led Marriage) is essentially a power exchange arrangement.  I have thought a lot (probably too much) about why this is cool, why it pushes buttons for people, what they get out of it, etc.

Aside from the power trip of being in charge, why is this associated with sexual control too?  I realize that most FLR sites are going to tell you that FLR isn’t about sexual stuff. It’s about being in charge, being in control, etc.  But the fact is, many guys crave it.  Many relationships thrive with it.  Have you thought about why?

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Super secret identity and communities

As Snake and I were lying in bed this morning, he made a comment about his PA still healing a little and I laughed and said he didn’t really have anyone here to talk to about it unfortunately. Then he laughed and said he really couldn’t talk to people he knows about a lot of things in our lives.  And so my brain went on…

Like all of us, we have a normal muggle life.  It takes up most of our days and nights.  We have a business, we have friends, we have kids, we have Snake’s father and stepmother, etc., etc., etc.  Amazingly, excluding the usual jokes and innuendos, we don’t discuss sex with them.

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FLR in Daily Life

It can be tough to sustain any number of these lifestyle changes that we collectively write about in the “kink” world.  I look around and it’s impossible not to see the blog carnage from those who start, then get swept up in life.

I think one of the things that we turn to some of these “activities” for (certainly chastity and FLR) is to reclaim our life a bit.  We can all get so stuck in life that we run out of time.  It seems that one of the first things to be sacrificed is our love life, our partner.  We are in this together, so let’s stay busy on life to get through it… – but this can lead to giving up time and attention that relationships need.

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By the end of the month I might have a new zombie plan…

I hate to run.  I’ve never been one of those people who got a runner’s high.  In fact, I was the 4.0 gpa student in high school that almost blew it with a P.E. grade because of running.

It isn’t that I’m not active.  I wear a pedometer every day and get my 10,000 steps in.  We do swing and country western dancing at least three days a week for two to three hours.  If you think it’s easy, try doing swing for an hour or two solid.  It’s serious cardio.

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An “off” week at the Snake household…

We’ve just had an out-of-sorts week this week.  It started off with a misstep, which caused a misunderstanding, which moved on to a full-scale argument.  We rarely argue.  We bicker.  A lot.  We regularly call each other rude names in public and freak other people out who don’t know that this is our silliness.  We annoy each other like every married couple, but usually nothing really sticks.

Snake has a really slow fuse.  I am explosive but then it’s over in 30 seconds.  Our daughter is just like me and he is always amazed when we go from screaming at each other to giggling in no time flat.  It’s just who we are.  And our differences usually keep things calm because he just rolls his eyes at my rants and all is good.  I’m his sounding board so he rarely gets too angry.  When we start having hurt feelings and miscommunication, all bets are off.

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Our Version of Dominance and Submission

There has been a lot of blogging lately about how subs can be made to feel submissive.  Several people have talked about more discipline, several have talked about more verbal commands and Snake made his feelings known last week.

There are so many posts on what makes a Domme.  If you do x, you aren’t really a Domme.  If you don’t do x, you aren’t really a Domme.  It’s the fantasy version of the woman in black leather holding handcuffs and a whip.  It’s not reality.  Sure, there is probably leather, handcuffs and whips in many of our arsenals.  But I think those are tools, not the actual domination.

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Not that anyone is asking me…

Most of you read our blog for our chastity and piercings escapades.  Fair warning, this is just pure rant… 🙂

I am rather opinionated.  🙂  Usually only my family and close friends get to (are forced to?) listen to my rants.  Believe me, there are plenty of them.  The news gives me constant fodder for giving my opinions.  The Internet is another great source.  I don’t usually share most of these opinions online because I hate the “me too” posts.

Our business is web-based so Snake and I spend a lot of time online.  We have had many years of experiencing the Internet in all of its good and bad parts.  In general, I think it has opened up pieces of the world to people and made it a better place.  I also think that it has given people the impression that they should opine on other people’s lives when it doesn’t affect them.

When I was in high school eons ago, I had a good friend who was bisexual.  It didn’t matter to me.  He was my friend.  He was so confused by the mixed messages that he got that he was constantly flipping from being gay to being straight.  He told me he had to pick one.  When I asked him why he told me that it wasn’t right to be attracted to both sexes.  At 17 I was the first person in his life who told him that it was ok.

I’ve been arguing for equal rights and gay marriage for over 30 years.  Yes, you can do the math.  🙂  I could never understand why it was even an argument.

Snake and I are heterosexual and in a monogamous relationship. This is who we are.  We are the “normal” couple.  “Aren’t they cute?  You two look like you are still so in love.”  We are very much in love but I think most of our Muggle friends would drop their teeth if they ever looked in our toy box or realized that Snake wears a collar under his shirt daily.  And, of course, is usually locked away.

I’ve given you some history to let you know that this isn’t a “revelation.”  I was raised that unless you were paying someone’s bills, you didn’t get much say in how they lived.  My marriage is strong.  Opening up the gates to other people getting married won’t affect mine.  But it affects so many other people and the attitudes affect even more.

Our daughter started questioning her sexuality at 12.  Not a surprise to either one of us. She was president of the LGBT chapter at her high school.  She has never hidden who she is.  She has had relationships with men and women.  She hates the label “bisexual” and refers to herself as queer.  I don’t label her as anything besides my wonderful and sometimes infuriating daughter.  She truly is an amazing person.  She is accepting of other people and their beliefs.  And yet, she has had so many ignorant and mean comments thrown her way.

Apparently, according to the masses, she just wants more people to screw (she’s actually been told this). She wants a monopoly on potential dates.  She can’t be trusted because she will have sex with anyone.  If someone asks her out, she has to be attracted to him/her because she is attracted to everyone.  Women don’t want to date her because she’s been near a dick.  Men have told her that she just hasn’t met the right man.  She’s too pretty for…I could go on for pages.  And most of these people don’t even know her or have any reason to care.

There have been a lot of nasty comments as responses to a number of blogs lately.  I’m not going to be specific.  The bottom line is that it isn’t right to push your beliefs on other people.  The comments are on sex blogs.  The people making the comments know what blog they are on.  If you are offended by it, don’t read it.  No one is forcing you to read them.  But, before you decide to rip into someone, maybe think about the fact that these are human beings with feelings and have a right to live their own lives as they see fit.  They aren’t being deceitful, they aren’t being promiscuous and they aren’t forcing you to join in.

They are also someone’s son or daughter.  And maybe, one day, it will be you having to console your child when people are cruel because of the way they were born.