Motivation, Chastity and Life

I have said it before – I love the ways that all of this thing we do can be done. Flavors of a theme, different “levels” or activities, different approaches. All of it so finely tuned to what works for you and your partners, it’s pretty cool that there is this assumption that “well, yeah. There’s this thing, but you have to figure out the details for you in what you like.

Take the good ol’ chastity cage, for example. There’s everything from “rivet that sucker in place” to “we use it for play time” and none is better than any other. It’s what works for you.

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From comment: “What makes you so special?”

We’ve not received the volume of negative comments that others do, for that, I’m not at all unhappy. But we did receive one the other day that actually had me thinking.

In essence, (paraphrased) “What makes you so special? FLR and D/s and these things all of you write about don’t make you better than (me) and I’m sick of reading about it. People without this aren’t less happy, less sexy, less (fill in the blank)… Stop dictating how people should live!”

In essence, SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

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Snake’s Perspective: Lifestyle D/sFLR

This is a second part to Charmer’s post, here.

I don’t get as many questions about things as Charmer does – but I do get a lot of assumptions. I get assumptions about what it means to be in an FLR with D/s structure and how it all works for us. It’s odd how people will see a video, read a story someplace and assume that that’s both reality and the same for everyone.

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A Whole Month of Challenges….

It’s been a little while since I tossed out a challenge to Snake so it got me thinking.  Which, of course, always makes him more than a little nervous.   [Snake: Um, just a tad] The first inspiration was the 12 Days of Christmas, then he mentioned an Advent calendar so I threw caution to the wind and decided to just use the whole month of December.  [Snake: Of course — 31 days!  Yay!  What could possibly go wrong??] So, here is the challenge premise….

Each day of the month, Snake will be responsible for a task.  I will be posting them on here and Twitter daily so you can follow along and see what fun things I have for him.  Some will be fast and others will be more involved, but all will be lots of fun for me, of course.  And, if you have ideas, put them in the comments.  I might use them, or not, or keep them for another time, but I always love input… [Snake: Might I suggest suggesting things like “take shower” and “put on socks” – those would be great suggestions you all could make!]

Besides the sheer joy of doing things that I want, what does Snake get out of this?  Well…if he accomplishes all of his tasks, he will get two tokens for bonus O’s that can be used any time he is eligible.  For someone who is at 13 for the year, I think that’s a pretty good reward.  [Snake: Nervously wrings hands.  Yes.  Yes it is.]

If he misses any at all though, no bonuses.  And if he misses more than two, he will start upping the required the ratio by 1% for every one that he misses.  Just ask him….he doesn’t want that. [Snake: No, no I don’t.]

So….keep your eyes on here and Twitter for his tasks.  It should be a December to remember.  [Snake: Or at least, ya know, to cheer for?!]

Scrabble Challenge of Olympic Proportions

It’s been three months since the last Scrabble challenge.    It might still be hot but summer is coming to an end and I thought it was time to break out the tiles again.  Because, of course, I like nothing better than to drive him insane….  And we all know how much he LOVES Scrabble.  [Oh yay!  Scrabble! I LOVE Scrabble tiles.  Someone hand me the matches!]

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Red Buns, Staying Put

There are many aspects of This Thing We Do (TTWD) that *seem* really mental or *seem* really physical.  But so many times, it ends up being both.

For me, that’s the case with impact play.  Honestly, I went into it thinking it was a mental “game” – just dealing with it and that I could get past it.  But the physical side of things surprises me every. single. time.

I’m “in training” I suppose – I’ve had times where we warm up and I feel pretty good about my control and response and even love it.  But then the times that come with no warm-up… not my favorite thing.  I’m still working on those times.

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The Scrabble Tiles Are Out Again

Long weekends seem to bring out the fun-loving spontaneous side of me.  Or, as Snake likes to put it, the evil and devious side of me.  [Snake: I think that depends on your perspective.  “fun-loving” – I do think “devious” is more apt] Either way, it’s time for another Scrabble challenge. If you don’t remember the previous ones, here is the first challenge and here is the second one.

[Snake: I KNEW this was coming.  After two wins, I even told her after the last one that I was sure that the next one was going to be on the hairy edge of impossible.  She hasn’t disappointed.]

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Getting What He Wants in an FLR

Handing over control is a powerful idea for a lot of guys – chastity goes hand-in-hand with this – you lock it up and hand over the keys and voila!  She runs your life, makes the decisions, and things are wonderful.  It’s exactly as you imagined it.

Except that’s not how it goes.  The reality is you’re two people.  You have to work out how you’ll work together, how she’ll make decisions and more.  But most of all, she gets to run the show.  On the surface, that’s the point.  At a deeper level, it’s a huge change.

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Batteries, Dom(me)s and Energy

I’ve written quite a lot about my side of things – the power of sub-space, the “buttons” that get pushed for me in this whole thing, etc.  It’s a powerful combination of D/s, kink, our FLR and our overall choices of lifestyle.  But I stumbled too on to an article talking about the possible guilt associated with the /s/ side of things -that someone is always doing “to” you and taking care of you and… and… and…

And prior to all of this, I’ve written both public and private stories for Charmer and the site that talk about the look – and her attitude when she gets in that space – when she’s in Domme mode, not wife mode.  It got me started thinking, then realizing something really important.

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At the Request of Charmer….

If you follow Snake on Twitter, you might have noticed some pictures and a story that said “Per Charmer’s requirement…” and wondered why I was being so damn pushy…  I thought I might tell you what the new year holds for Snake (and me).

We are heading into our third year of our relationship reboot. (Sorry, nerd)  Our first year was exploring the D/s side of our relationship.  We did a lot of playing with restraints and toys and Snake started wearing his cage.  I’m sure that he can tell you the exact date that he ordered his first one but I would say it was January or February of 2014.

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Objectification

When I walk in the door on Friday afternoon, you’re there to greet me.  You have the grin on your face.  The one that says you’re plotting and scheming and are in a place where you’re interested in one thing only – getting your way.

As I walk in you put your finger on my lips softly to shush me.  You take my things, put them on the floor and proceed to undress me.

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Impact Play Chronicles, Chapter 2

Still such a noob at this whole impact punishment/play thing.  I feel like every time I set out to be better at it, to own it, Charmer tosses another wrench into things and gets me all kinds of messed up.  [SSC:  I don’t want you getting bored…]

This time was no different.

We’ve sort of settled on a ratio of 10:1 currently.  For every infraction, it’s 10 “impacts” or swats.  She has say on whether that’s increased/decreased, but it seems to work out.

Before this time, I was sitting at 26.  That’s right. 26.  [SSC:  Wouldn’t you think that he’d stop getting them for the same thing?  I think that he secretly likes this.]  That’s at least 260.  I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s a LOT.  The warning I’d received was that we were going to take care of 5 infractions that evening.  I spent the rest of the day going over in my mind how I was going to mentally rush to the corner and just take it.  Show that I can control the response.  Suck it up, as it were.

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2015 – Getting Our Feet Planted

If you ever talk with Charmer, you’ll see that she despises the end of year stuff of doing “a look back” and talking about what’s happened over the course of the year.  The news programs will spout about things that happened, shows will talk about guests they had, etc.  Drives her a bit crazy. [SSC:  Very true.  They ignore everything happening now for minutiae and interviews with the stars who made headlines this year.    I don’t care about the 15 strangest baby names of the stars this year…]

But here I am.  2015 was a big deal for us because we learned a LOT about us.  A lot about how we approach this thing we do.  Specifically, our FLR has taken pretty strong hold at this point.  I love that it’s not in a fantasy way, although I know you’ll be happy to know that it’s rare that she’s not walking around in black leather with a bullwhip while I dust.  (Kidding)  [SSC:  How else would I get the dusting done?]  We’ve found some interesting things that work well for us – I’ve written before about different ways we communicate in different scenarios.

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Who’s Watching the Watchers?

The communication gamification post the other day prompted some nice comments, but one in particular has stuck with me all week.  Trying to figure out how to explain a bit more about our dynamic (Charmer and Mine) and how it all works, without hanging her (or the commenter) out to dry.

Some background first that might help – Charmer and I have been married for a loooooooooong time.  Like nearly 30 years.  Together for even longer.  [SSC:  You mean we didn’t get married before we dated?]   In that time, we’ve developed a pretty solid relationship, we’ve been through some really incredibly great highs and lows that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  OK, perhaps that’s not entirely true, I actually would like to wish some of them on my worst enemy, but that sounds bad, so I’ll just leave it at that.  [SSC:  For the record, I would totally wish them on him.]

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On Being Horngry

Denial and orgasm control are funny things.  With a cage, enforced chastity becomes a thing of power exchange and control.  She holds the power to grant or deny orgasms, period.  Yes, I realize it doesn’t *require* a cage, but I can tell you in times when the “game is afoot,” it sure makes things more clear.

I had a weird experience this last weekend in terms of learning to work through this whole control and power exchange thing we do.  We’d had a great day on Saturday, a lazy, relaxing evening and were just basically lounging around doing nothing in particular.  [SSC:  I was, however, sitting in a tight pair of jeans and knee-high boots that were driving him a little crazy.]   When we did retire for the evening, Charmer decided to punish me for being to suggestive throughout the day.  I was pretty surprised by this – but I couldn’t honestly tell if it was punishment, excuse or teasing.  Turns out it was more teasing than anything, but it sure worked.

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Can’t, Won’t, Don’t Wanna and Fear of the Unknown

Over at the Male Chastity Journal, Lion wrote about “Can’t and Won’t” – and specifically how enforced chastity has applied to their lives.  I thought it was really interesting to see the distinction between the two… and it got me thinking about how many things I’ve personally seen go from can’t to won’t to can to simply “yes, please.”  It’s a different view on Can’t and Won’t, but it’s just how my brain works. 🙂

While this doesn’t apply only to enforced chastity, when Charmer and I started our journey, we sheepishly stumbled into chastity and I read up all I could.  I tore through Thumper’s blog and I’m Hers and so many others.  I read and studied (sorry, it’s what I do) and tried to learn what was fantasy, what was real.  [SSC:  Yes, believe me, he did.  I think he would have done a report with citations if he thought that I would have read it. ]  I wondered if it was really possible chastity and this new approach to being a couple could really have the impact these blogs talk about.

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