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Continuing to Learn About Myself, Feeling a Bit Like a Puppet

It’s really strange to be “my age” and be learning big things about yourself.  Sure, no one likes to stop learning and I hope that it never happens, but to be having these pretty surprising things come up over and over again is pretty cool and remarkable.

We’re wrapping up our time in Vegas – a mini-vacation as we head into what will surely be a great time of year for us and the family, but will just as surely be a stressful one.  It’s great to get away and goof off and just relax a bit.  Hey, I even won $14.50 today on a slot machine.  Can’t complain.

You may be tired of having me write about O-control and what I learn, but this stuff, to me, is bordering on epiphany stuff.  During this time in Vegas, Charmer has been messing with me in all sorts of ways.  The first night out alone she flipped the “me, not you” switch and enforced the denial portion of our dynamic.  But something is changing and this was the first time I’d seen this in myself.

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Vegas Day 1…Can I?

Sitting here and waiting for breakfast to arrive while looking out at the Vegas strip.  This has always been one of our favorite places to visit.  When we were in college, it was only a five hour drive so we would come early Friday morning and go back on Sunday a few times a year.  Of course, that was when we stayed in the $29 per night more-than-a-little-scary motels.

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On Being Horngry

Denial and orgasm control are funny things.  With a cage, enforced chastity becomes a thing of power exchange and control.  She holds the power to grant or deny orgasms, period.  Yes, I realize it doesn’t *require* a cage, but I can tell you in times when the “game is afoot,” it sure makes things more clear.

I had a weird experience this last weekend in terms of learning to work through this whole control and power exchange thing we do.  We’d had a great day on Saturday, a lazy, relaxing evening and were just basically lounging around doing nothing in particular.  [SSC:  I was, however, sitting in a tight pair of jeans and knee-high boots that were driving him a little crazy.]   When we did retire for the evening, Charmer decided to punish me for being to suggestive throughout the day.  I was pretty surprised by this – but I couldn’t honestly tell if it was punishment, excuse or teasing.  Turns out it was more teasing than anything, but it sure worked.

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The Song That Kept Looping Through My Brain…

As most of you know, Snake has been caged and chaste since July 23rd.  I decided that he needed an extended period of time locked to put him back into his subby mindset.  He wrote about it here.  Since then, he has one ruined and quite a bit of playtime with me on him, but no orgasms.  The earliest date that he was going to be allowed to come was September 7th, but because of circumstances, last night was *the night*.

It started off as a pretty average Wednesday night around here.  We went to our dance lesson, which we rocked, came home and had dinner and I had a bath.  After the last two nights of being denied, I’m pretty sure that he was expecting it again last night.  Have to keep the boy guessing…

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Sub-Blocked

All day she’d been teasing me, telling me that that night she’d be exercising her Domme side, something I was really looking forward to and, since it’d been so long since we’d had time to ourselves, I was also a bit anxious about just what that would be.  We’ve recently decided to up the ante quite a lot on our D/s relationship and the FLR side as well.  Something I’ve been working through, not perfectly, but working on it.  It also lays entirely at her feet what happens, when, and at what level.

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Zombie Plan Update…

This is going to be a non-kinky post–sorry, guys.   It’s a bit of an update and some random thoughts so proceed at your own peril…

Back in May, I mentioned trying to run.  The challenge was an Army Bootcamp one and running was a huge part of it.  I did it, but I hated it.  And everything hurt.  My body just really doesn’t like running.  I can hike for hours.  Snake and I do competitive dance so we take lessons and practice for 4-5 hours per week.  Running and I just are never going to be besties.

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Rising and Falling Submissive Headspace

I’m constantly amazed at how well Charmer has come to know me.  I keep thinking I’m getting a handle on managing how I present myself and she spins right around and reads me like a book.  I don’t think I’m this big mysterious person, but how she sees me and the ways she responds are on point.

Last weekend I lost my head.  There’s really no other way to put it.  A whole bunch of stuff from a whole lot of directions was capped off with surprise situation.  I came unglued a bit (!) and it made for a very bumpy few days while I tried to back pedal and make up for stupid things going on in my head.  The details aren’t important, but then in our writings this week, the question, out of the blue she asked…

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Mouthy Subs and Spankings

Last week was off just enough to be annoying.  None of it huge stuff, but it just added up like life usually does.

We own our own business and our daughter works for us.  That’s a good thing for her and for us most of the time.  However, when she isn’t happy at work, she has a tendency to come to me rather than Snake.  Of course, I work from home and he is in the office.  I try to sort things out without interfering (ha!).  She wants me to talk to “Dad” and he expects her to behave like an adult and, yeah, you get the picture.  So, there was that wonderful employee/family dynamic for a couple of days.

She was also recovering from an ear infection which just added to her unhappiness.  And Snake and I were both feeling a bit of a drop from the previous weekend’s activities.  Add all of it together and things were just stressful and annoying.

Saturday night we went dancing for a little while and then came home to watch relax with wine and TV.  We watched several episodes of Sense8.  Still have no real idea of what is going on, but really like it so far.  And the rainbow-colored dildo from the first episode?  Love it!

Anyway, Snake thought he would try to be pushy about playtime and I told him that he was being mouthy.  He jokingly asked me what I was going to do about it.  Seriously?  I told him that I already owed him 5 swats with the paddle from a couple of weeks back.  (I honestly couldn’t remember what he had done, just that I owed him the 5.  Apparently it was because he didn’t undress when he came home.)   He kept giving me a hard time, and as people following me on Twitter saw, I went off to deal with a mouthy sub.

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Sex on the Terrace

On a pretty much impromptu decision, we decided we were going to have the weekend night (Friday) free and wanted to have a mini-vacation.  We picked one of our favorite spots here in town and managed to get a reservation at the very last minute for one of the rooms that is a separate, stand-alone mini-house/apartment.  It has all the features of home, a small kitchen, nice digs.  It also has our favorite feature, the terrace.

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Quick Snake Household Update

We are still alive.  Well, those of you who follow us on Twitter already know that, but for those of you who just read this… I know we haven’t updated for almost two weeks but we are still here.

We’ve been busy with work, dance and family but still have managed to fit in a couple of fun sexy times too.  The one before the long holiday weekend I am leaving for Snake.  He is working on a post which will touch on that so I don’t want to steal his thunder.

The holiday weekend was a downtime from the previous week and our daughter was here.  We went to see movies and went out to dinner with friends.  Daughter and I saw Magic Mike XXL on Sunday.  Good times were had by all… gotta love that eye candy.

The beginning of this week was a lot of dance and Snake dealing with a big work project.  Wednesday, however, I told him that he was leaving work at work that night. We had a dance lesson and then came home for some dinner and wine.  He was trying to give me a hard time — he is a cheeky sort — and I finally told him that *I* was getting laid that night.  He could choose if he wanted to be used or to enjoy it.  I think he was a little surprised at my forwardness.  🙂

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Mashup: D/s, Flirting, Getting the Stink-Eye and More

We had a pretty laid-back weekend, and, as is Charmer’s style, that meant that we also had lots of time to flirt and play.  Again, I’ve learned new things about myself.

While we were lounging around on Saturday, for example, I found out that I have a smell when I’m denied and lookin’ for love.  What?  A smell?  Talk about giving me a complex.  She was just laying on my leg and grinning and I asked about what – she let me know.  She liked the smell.  Not like it was overwhelming (she says) or anything like that, just a pleasant sweet smell.  I told her I was just pushing out pheromones to try to entice her into bed any way I could muster.

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