Player Substitution

Snake has been completely overwhelmed by work this week.  His Muggle life is very busy on a regular basis since we own our own business, but this week has included an event that just pushed everything even more.  Adding to our usual dance classes, stuff around the house and his father trying to make him feel guilty and he just hasn’t had time to post.  So I thought I’d give everyone a quick update.

His PA is healing so well that he is making me jealous.  When I got my belly button pierced, it got infected and it was six months before I was supposed to change the jewelry.  In my daily inspection of the PA, I can see that it is really already healed.  Excluding a couple of times that the ring got turned sideways, he hasn’t had any discomfort in over a week.  And today is the two week mark.

His Steelheart has shipped and should be here very soon.  We figured out that he has been in some sort of chastity device since December 2013 with just a few breaks for trips.  He’s really noticing the “off” feeling of being free while he’s been healing and is definitely looking forward to getting locked up again.  I told him that he had to strip when he was home and no one else was around to try to get some of the subby feelings back.  It has helped but it just isn’t the same.  But, even when he is locked up again, I decided the clothes-free zone will continue.  It gives me more opportunities to play…

Watching his dad work his way through getting older, we have decided that we will never get old.  We might get older, but we will continue to try new things and be adventurous.  We know that his stepmom quilts a lot and loves to bake.  We have no idea what his dad does all day.  Other than nap.  And apparently wait for Snake  to come for lunch once a week.  Snake cancelled on them, for one of the first times ever, due to work.  Snake could just feel the waves of disappointment from them.

They are snowbirds and we are their winter home.  After Snake’s mom died, his dad married someone he had known since high school.  She had stayed there and he had a house here.  They decided to split their time in the different climates.  During the “summer” half, they have friends who are all retired.  They can go to each other’s houses and eat pie and chat every night.  We have jobs and other commitments.  It makes them feel ignored because sitting in a circle and eating pie while talking constantly is not our thing and not possible with life and responsibilities we have.

We also won’t go to church with them.  His father never went until he remarried but now has decided that his greatest failure was not instilling this in his children.   Snake is one of the most moral people I have ever met.  We’re just not religious.  Church has become their thing.  I respect that.  He just doesn’t respect that it isn’t ours.  Our daughter went to visit them about a year and a half ago.  They took her to their church where the entire sermon was about how young people need to go to church and be part of that community.  She was the only person under 50 in the place.  It certainly wasn’t directed at her.  🙂

I often wonder how Snake came from his family.  He is more liberal than when we first met but his parents were prudes.  I came from the family where just about anything was ok as long as you paid your own way and didn’t hurt anyone.  Snake’s mother redacted the book “Airport” before he could read it because “the sex scenes didn’t add anything to the plot.”  My mother let me read anything and just told me to ask questions if I didn’t understand something. Snake’s dad gave him a talk about STDs and told him to “keep it zipped.”  My mom took me to get on the pill. It’s a wonder I didn’t fry Snake’s brain more than I did when we started dating.

You can just imagine the reactions that our daughter has gotten from his family at large to her piercings, tattoos and sexual “phase” (she’s bi, must be a “phase” according to them).  You would think we had raised the next Hannibal at the beginning.  🙂  I think there is hope for them, though.  They have started spending time with her alone and I think they have realized that she is really epic.  I just don’t think Snake will be sharing news of his PA anytime soon.

I guess all of that is really to say that I have an amazing husband.  He takes care of his parents, he takes care of his children, he takes care of me and he takes care of his employees.  We are best friends, business partners and kinky lovers. The more we push, the more we want to do.  And we’ll leave the getting old and naps to other people.

For the Win

Just to put it out there–I am competitive.  I can hear Snake snorting while he reads this because if there is an overly competitive person in this relationship, it is me.

I’ve never been sporty so I’ve always had to find other outlets.  School was easy.  I became Valedictorian to win.  If Snake and I have ridiculous arguments, they are usually having to do with winning.  In college, the game Othello almost ended our relationship several times because I could never win that stupid game.  Even now, my family tries to ply me with alcohol for a chance to win You Don’t Know Jack.

Snake and I took up dancing as an empty nest social activity.  We wanted to learn to dance so we could go out and feel comfortable.  No, we don’t want to compete.  Yeah, right.  Less than four months in I had started plotting competitions and shows.  And, of course, it isn’t just one dance.  It is six different ones and a group piece.  I never do things slowly.

The point of all of this is the sexual side of things.  I am constantly competing with myself.  I edged him x number of times last week so I want more this week.  If I can ruin one orgasm, can I ruin three?  (Yes, I can.)  It’s always more, better, faster, longer with me.

Not that Snake is without his own competitiveness.  If I have fewer orgasms in one session, he always wants to know if he did something wrong or could do something better.  And he pushes his limits with me as well.

Before he decided to get his PA, Snake did enough research to become an expert on everything except how he himself would react.  It was planned for the end of the week so he wouldn’t have problems at work and a Steelheart was ordered so it would arrive about the end of his healing period.  Everyone said it would be about four weeks to heal.  So, of course, he had to do better than that.  🙂

As he has written, he had very little pain or bleeding.  It also wasn’t tender at all.  So, on Friday, I thought I’d play a little.  He tried to distract me, but that never works when I’m on a mission.  To his surprise and my glee, it not only didn’t hurt but felt really good.  Good enough that he got his orgasm about three weeks earlier than he thought he would.

Not that he should get his hopes up that anything has really changed for his chastity.  But, Friday night, I won.

Well, I didn’t die.

I suppose there’s that.

Just an update on the healing process for the PA – I have been liking waking up with the lovely morning wood, but have had a couple of rather odd experiences.  One related directly to that, the other, well, you’ll see.

On the healing front, things have been… sensitive.  It’s almost like a very bruised type of feeling, but I attribute it not to the piercing process itself, but the ring torquing things around.  I mentioned that the ring is larger than I expected, and I suspect it sits funny during the normal course of the day.  In this time getting used to that, it can make things pretty sensitive (like a deep itch or bruise) and at times a bit like pinching.

I don’t have any worries about something being wrong; truly just think things are healing (no redness, no infection, no other issues).  But it’s annoying at times.

The other night though… wow.  I woke up to the sensation of my penis being wrenched around.  It was the first night that I’d messed up and ended up sleeping on my stomach.  I woke up to this pain that was pretty sharp.  Of course, you don’t think very clearly when you’re asleep, so my mind immediately went to “OMIGOD, I’m going to have that bifurcated penis thing the piercer was joking around about!  I’m going to die from this piercing!

As I came awake, I grabbed my crotch, exclaiming and panicking.  Of course Charmer was consoling me too – and wondering what had just happened.  It hurt.  Pretty badly!

I grabbed hold of things, headed to the bathroom to see the damage.  I had clearly caught the ring on something or torn something, so needed to see what I had to do now.

When I got to the bathroom and looked…

Nothing.

Not one damn thing.

Not even a red spot.

WTF?  I was in serious pain here.  Then, as my brain fog started to lift, I realized that it actually didn’t hurt much any more.  I must have just put pressure on it wrong.  My brain registered it as “the world is ending!”  and proceeded to wake me (and Charmer) up out of our slumber.

I couldn’t believe it.  I was embarrassed, aggravated and wide awake, as was Charmer.  Sigh.

Things are good, the healing is coming right along.  Of course Charmer is taking every opportunity to point out that “Gee, it’s too bad you’re healing, we’ll just have to hold off on your play time, but that doesn’t mean *I* can’t play!

Right you are, Charmer.  Right you are.

Weird, The Cage Is…

I think the influence of the cage is strange.

I’ve not had it on for a few days because of travel and circumstance.  To say that it’s… different, is putting it mildly.  I’m sure it’s psychological.  I mean, how can NOT having a stainless steel cage on me make a difference in my mindset, if it’s not that?

I find that, now that I’ve had it on for the last year or so, I do miss it. I’ve read about others experiencing this.  It’s not a lack of sub-mindset, but it is different.  I know Thumper has talked about it over the years many times.  I never really understood how it could be, but it most certainly is.  There’s a difference in me, and Charmer sees it too.

But it’s stronger than that.  It’s like the O-control has softer corners and edges.  It’s still very much there, but it’s a “because I will it” not a “because she’s controlling it actively.”  Weird.

I find myself thinking through many aspects of this whole thing – the differences in life, the mental state (heh, always question my mental state), the “why” of it all.  Charmer is always amazed that I spend so much time wondering why it all works.  She’s much more of a “hey, it works, that’s great!”  I’m more of a “yeah, but why?  It makes no sense!”

What’s odd is in talking with different people on Twitter and reading other blogs, there is often one of the people in the mix that thinks things through – and in male-sub relationships, it seems to predominantly be the male.  It’s strange to think (see, analyzing again) that “it’s a guy thing” – I mean, what would that be about?   Just not sure.  I think there is much to learn.

But, then again, that’s what makes all of this so amazing!

Surprising Conversations

This week I’ll be getting a PA done (Prince Albert piercing) and am really looking forward to it.  OK, so I’m not looking forward to the act of getting it done, but I’m looking forward to having it… But I had to laugh at a conversation with Charmer this morning –

Me, to her: “When you head to the store this week can you pick me up a box of maxi-pads?”

Now THERE is a conversation I never anticipated having.  I’ve seen in many places that the pads work wonders to absorb as you heal from the piercing.  I’ll let you know how it all goes – but we both thought it was funny.

The conversations have certainly changed in our life.  Since we started this change to our life, conversations include everything from new things to try to why certain reactions happen.  We’ve talked more about us, more about who we are as a couple, as individuals and what’s important to each.  It’s made for some very frank conversations, which is pretty amazing after being together for so long.  It’s pretty magical to be able to go through this morphing process into whatever is next.

I currently have a MM Queen’s Keep device (have used a CB6000s as well) and am awaiting my shiny new Steelworxx device, complete with the PA fixing.  It should be here roughly coinciding with heal time on the PA.  Fingers crossed.

I’ll keep you posted on the whole PA thing.  I hope my experience encourages others who are considering it.  I know when you ask questions on Twitter, Reddit, etc. that the answers are almost always positive (after you get past people raving crazily about how you are CRAZY to consider it).  I hope to bring my experiences with it here to the blog and provide another sampling to consider.

My biggest thing is the actual act of getting it done.  I can take the rest.  I just can’t imagine rolling up to the piercing shop, flopping out my junk and saying “yes, yes.  Stick the needle right there…”  Egad.

All I can say is thank goodness I don’t have to figure out “wings on the pads.”  Sigh.

Of Birthdays and Anniversaries

Not sure what it is about birthdays and anniversaries that make you stop and take stock. It’s our anniversary time of year and it’s hard to overstate just how much of a year of change this has been.

On the personal front, many changes.  But on the “lifestyle” front, so many things have started to impact our lives in such amazing, positive ways.  The last year has been one of growing and learning and exploring.  What a rush it’s been.

For me, I’ve learned that there is so much to this D/s and FLR lifestyle.  While they are definitely intertwined, they are separate areas.  We’ve managed to start putting many, many things in place.  And I love it.  I never really thought about it before.  I just would never have considered the feelings of “right” that I’ve discovered in working with Charmer in so many areas.

I love the excuse it all brings to do things for her.  I suppose it’s “serving” her, but I stumble over the term.  For me, it’s just a race to see if I can find new ways to make her life, our life, easier. I’m not saying that I have put on an apron and danced around the house as I gleefully dust the shelves.

What I am saying is that I actively look for ways to be involved. I look for ways to take things off her plate and share the workload.  I look for ways to make things easier for her.  And it not only helps her, but I have this newly discovered “warm feeling inside” in doing these things.  It sounds corny, I do realize that. I guess I really like the control I have over all of these things.

In my “other” life – you know, the one that pays the bills – I’m very much the “Alpha” and have both a lot of control and none.  As anyone will attest that has significant responsibilities for people, products, business and sales, you feel in control, but in many cases, you’re trying to control the chaos for a particular income.

With the subbie, warm feelings inside (puke) side of me with Charmer, I’ve found that I can control and really do well at managing things in our personal lives so she doesn’t have to do them.  Yep.  I do dust, laundry, deal with things around the house.  She does too – but now the individual work load is shifted.  And it’s good.  Very good.

It flips my subbie buttons.

And that’s something that’s come to really be clearer in the last year (going back to how I started this post), my subbie buttons exist!  I had no real idea. I had glimmers, but nothing that I’d ever considered.  I’ve learned so much, but I also know for sure that I have so much more to learn.

It’s so not just about the bedroom sub stuff (though, I have to tell you, um, wow), but rather about the whole of what we’re experiencing together.

– A chastity cage for me – amazing and conversation-inducing.  It works on many levels to bring new attention to your love life. I’ll have more on this as we go forward.  But to me, it makes no sense the level of impact it has had on our lives.  24×7, been using for more than a year at this point.  LOVE it. It’s not for everyone, but… wow.

– Power exchange – goes with the first item.  Kink, I suppose.  We’re lovin’ it. (Sorry McD)

– FLR – so much – more to come, but learning and enjoying

– New friends and confidants!  Wow.  NEVER thought this would be a side-effect.

Anyway, all of this to say that we’re off having a rather intense, kinky celebration of our anniversary.  Will be on-again, off-again on twitter and the like, but hope you take some time to do some personal thinking about all you’ve done in the last year… and what you’ll do looking forward.