Tag Archives: chastity

Chastity, D/s, FLR, Orgasm control

Rising and Falling Submissive Headspace

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I’m constantly amazed at how well Charmer has come to know me.  I keep thinking I’m getting a handle on managing how I present myself and she spins right around and reads me like a book.  I don’t think I’m this big mysterious person, but how she sees me and the ways she responds are on point.

Last weekend I lost my head.  There’s really no other way to put it.  A whole bunch of stuff from a whole lot of directions was capped off with surprise situation.  I came unglued a bit (!) and it made for a very bumpy few days while I tried to back pedal and make up for stupid things going on in my head.  The details aren’t important, but then in our writings this week, the question, out of the blue she asked…

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Chastity, FLR, Impact Play, Spanking

First Spanking Experience – /s/ Point of View

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Charmer wrote earlier this week (link to the post) about my being a mouthy (in jest) sub and spanking.

We’ve not gotten much into impact play at all to-date (save for a few passing instances).  So this was a first.  For those of you who already have experienced this, you may be laughing by the end of this post, but I wanted to provide a look at my side of the scene, and the things that both were, and have been, going through my head.

IMG_5963About 3 weeks ago, I’d forgotten a house rule of CFNM.  Essentially, I left off the NM part.  Charmer came over, leaned down in what seemed like out of the blue and looked me square in the eye.  “5 swats.”  I didn’t even connect at first what she was talking about.  “5 swats for not getting undressed like you’re supposed to.”  My mind went into overdrive.  First, she’d never done the whole spanking thing, and here I was with an instant 5 swats.  Second, CRAP!  I forgot to get undressed.  and third, whut?!  Spanked?  I didn’t know, really, what that was like.  After the initial wave of panic, I realized that another pressure was setting in.  My cage was completely straining.  What the hell?

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About, Chastity, D/s, FLR, Orgasm control

Mouthy Subs and Spankings

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Last week was off just enough to be annoying.  None of it huge stuff, but it just added up like life usually does.

We own our own business and our daughter works for us.  That’s a good thing for her and for us most of the time.  However, when she isn’t happy at work, she has a tendency to come to me rather than Snake.  Of course, I work from home and he is in the office.  I try to sort things out without interfering (ha!).  She wants me to talk to “Dad” and he expects her to behave like an adult and, yeah, you get the picture.  So, there was that wonderful employee/family dynamic for a couple of days.

She was also recovering from an ear infection which just added to her unhappiness.  And Snake and I were both feeling a bit of a drop from the previous weekend’s activities.  Add all of it together and things were just stressful and annoying.

Saturday night we went dancing for a little while and then came home to watch relax with wine and TV.  We watched several episodes of Sense8.  Still have no real idea of what is going on, but really like it so far.  And the rainbow-colored dildo from the first episode?  Love it!

Anyway, Snake thought he would try to be pushy about playtime and I told him that he was being mouthy.  He jokingly asked me what I was going to do about it.  Seriously?  I told him that I already owed him 5 swats with the paddle from a couple of weeks back.  (I honestly couldn’t remember what he had done, just that I owed him the 5.  Apparently it was because he didn’t undress when he came home.)   He kept giving me a hard time, and as people following me on Twitter saw, I went off to deal with a mouthy sub.

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Chastity, D/s, FLR, Orgasm control

Sex on the Terrace

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On a pretty much impromptu decision, we decided we were going to have the weekend night (Friday) free and wanted to have a mini-vacation.  We picked one of our favorite spots here in town and managed to get a reservation at the very last minute for one of the rooms that is a separate, stand-alone mini-house/apartment.  It has all the features of home, a small kitchen, nice digs.  It also has our favorite feature, the terrace.

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About, Chastity, D/s, Orgasm control

Quick Snake Household Update

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We are still alive.  Well, those of you who follow us on Twitter already know that, but for those of you who just read this… I know we haven’t updated for almost two weeks but we are still here.

We’ve been busy with work, dance and family but still have managed to fit in a couple of fun sexy times too.  The one before the long holiday weekend I am leaving for Snake.  He is working on a post which will touch on that so I don’t want to steal his thunder.

The holiday weekend was a downtime from the previous week and our daughter was here.  We went to see movies and went out to dinner with friends.  Daughter and I saw Magic Mike XXL on Sunday.  Good times were had by all… gotta love that eye candy.

The beginning of this week was a lot of dance and Snake dealing with a big work project.  Wednesday, however, I told him that he was leaving work at work that night. We had a dance lesson and then came home for some dinner and wine.  He was trying to give me a hard time — he is a cheeky sort — and I finally told him that *I* was getting laid that night.  He could choose if he wanted to be used or to enjoy it.  I think he was a little surprised at my forwardness.  🙂

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Chastity, D/s, Orgasm control, Piercing

Mashup: D/s, Flirting, Getting the Stink-Eye and More

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We had a pretty laid-back weekend, and, as is Charmer’s style, that meant that we also had lots of time to flirt and play.  Again, I’ve learned new things about myself.

While we were lounging around on Saturday, for example, I found out that I have a smell when I’m denied and lookin’ for love.  What?  A smell?  Talk about giving me a complex.  She was just laying on my leg and grinning and I asked about what – she let me know.  She liked the smell.  Not like it was overwhelming (she says) or anything like that, just a pleasant sweet smell.  I told her I was just pushing out pheromones to try to entice her into bed any way I could muster.

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Chastity, D/s, FLR, Orgasm control

She Got Her Domme On…

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Last night was a further night of setting things straight.  As we mentioned in the “reset” post, Charmer decided that things were just not where they needed to be, so she was resetting our D/s and FLR relationship.  It included not coming for at least a couple (I suspect longer) of weeks, the chastity cage and some serious attitude adjustments.

Last night, she mentioned that she’d been building up a really strong Domme drive for several days.  As we were driving out of the driveway for some things that we had to get done last night, she reached over, grabbed me by my cage and told me that after we got home, I was going to be restrained completely and she was going to torture and have her way with me.  She couldn’t tell, but my cage was instantly full.

I had a hard time concentrating while we were out – it seemed like her Domme Eyes ™ were in full use all evening and each chance she had, she reminded me that I’d soon be locked in place for her entertainment.  She didn’t disappoint.

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About, Chastity, D/s, FLR, Orgasm control

Happy Kinky Father’s Day

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Before he left for work this morning, I gave Snake the Father’s Day gift that he had asked for.  I know I’m a couple of days early but I figured that our daughter wouldn’t want to see what he really wanted.  And it seemed a little strange to wrap it up.  Here’s what he asked for.  After we had started our game, he wanted some variety and a larger one so he asked for the XL for Father’s Day.

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Chastity, D/s, FLR, Orgasm control

FLR and D/s Course Correction Underway

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I’ve been a busy snake of late.

With the game, the challenge prior to that, and Charmer’s good nature, I’ve been allowed orgasms on a very regular basis – sometimes to the point of torture (at least with ruined orgasms).  You can read more about those in the other posts, but suffice to say, it’s been fun.

But…

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About, Chastity, D/s, Orgasm control

Scrabble Game Results From the Charmer Side

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As everyone who reads our blog knows, I enjoy games and challenges.  It keeps things interesting and Snake and I are ridiculously competitive.  So, last Friday I threw down the gauntlet on another one.  If you missed it, the challenge is here.  Yesterday Snake posted the results and his experiences from the challenge.  I thought you might be interested in hearing my thoughts and some ideas I have for the future.  Here goes…

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Chastity, D/s, Orgasm control

Scrabble Game Results

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I don’t know if I mentioned it or not, but I really don’t like Scrabble. My brain fixates on letters (regardless of whether they make words or not) and I have a really hard time making anything more out of them. I can take FOREVER to come up with words.  Like to the point where I think people start to leave to get beverages waiting. [SSC:  No.  We finish beverages, make more and sometimes finish those.]  It’s not pretty.

Before I get into the results, you can play along if you like.  Remember the challenge rules (here’s a link) – and then here are the letters I selected from the magical bag of Scrabble tiles:

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About, D/s, Orgasm control

The Scrabble Challenge

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It’s time for a new Snake challenge weekend!  I told him two days ago that I had one planned and he is equal parts excited and terrified.   Of course, I know that as soon as he saw Scrabble in the title, he is groaning.

During my daily scanning of hundreds of posts and pictures a few days ago, I came across this.  I love sexual games, I love orgasms and I love Scrabble.  But, of course, I have to put my own twist on things so I came up with the following game.

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About, Chastity, D/s, FLR, Orgasm control

Charmer Gets to Play

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Since our Memorial Day game, we have had several people asking about the rules and points for our games.  We have basically have two different modes for our game.  One is a 14 day rolling window for Snake to accumulate points to be eligible for an orgasm.  The second is simply challenges that I throw out for a specific period of time.  If he reaches the goal on specific challenges, he gets to add to his point value for the 14 day regular game.  If he doesn’t, he loses points from the game.

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Chastity, FLR, Orgasm control

The Power of Chastity, Orgasm Control

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I was reading Thumper’s post today about “High Anxiety” and it really struck a nerve.  A good nerve.  I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the impact of chastity and giving over control.  Even with my recent issues with Edema, my mindset is still one of her controlling the whole orgasm side of things.  I just wouldn’t have it any other way.  We’ll get the device issues sorted.

He also talks about increasing concerns when Thumper and Belle are apart.  I’m not a fan of anxiety, not at all, but this is an artifact of an intense and excellent relationship.  All IMHO of course, but I wanted to throw my hat in the ring on his post because I feel many very similar things going on in  my head/life/relationship and his post really gave my thoughts “legs. ”

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Chastity, Piercing

Update on the Prince Albert Piercing (2 months)

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It’s been 2 months now since the Prince Albert (PA) piercing.  Wanted to offer a quick update and information about what we’ve learned.

First, it’s great.  That’s it.  You can stop reading here if you’d like.  But know that I really like it and how it’s healed and such.

Second, as my first piercing (and only piercing), I’ve had to learn all the things that anyone with a piercing already knows.

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Chastity, Uncategorized

Memorial Day Weekend Game – Results

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It was quite the game – if you missed it, Charmer decided that I would have to “perform” for her to earn points, and if I didn’t make the goal, I would lose points.

Our points are associated with a game we’ve created that assigns points to different activities.  Those points are used to determine whether I’m eligible for (but doesn’t obligate Charmer to have) playtime.  Since she makes the call anyway, it’s really just my eligibility.  I have to maintain a 1750 point value over the last 14 days (recalculated daily) in order to be eligible.  Points get awarded for challenges (like this specific game) or things like wearing plugs (different points for different sizes), etc.

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Chastity, FLR, Orgasm control

The Legend of Orgasm Control

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Back before I’d really started seriously into this lifestyle of FLR and Chastity with Charmer, I had read about people that had figured out how to control their orgasms (from the guy’s perspective).  I thought it was fascinating.

I also thought it was the stuff of fantasy. No way.

We had be going at it for nearly an hour now.  She’d managed to come several times and we were a hot, sweaty mess of lust.  We have a standing rule that I can’t come, unless she says so, and I can’t ask.  So she was using me, making me her toy, and I was there just for her.

Yeah.  Right.

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About, D/s

Of Cats and Bruises

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It’s late on Sunday morning and thought I’d write a post about the last couple of days.  Some life stuff, some kink stuff and just an all-around gorky happy post.  Gorky?  It’s a Snake household word.   You know the sound a cat makes when it throws up?  A little like “gork, gork, gork?”  That is our expression when people are being super sweet and romantic and happy and everyone just wants to throw something at them.

I had been teasing Snake all week that our his to hers orgasms ration was way too high on his end.  It was at 20:1 in favor of me.  We’ve been really busy the last couple of weeks and play time has been a little scarce.  Thursday night we had time and he did his best to fix those numbers.  He gave me 17 very nice orgasms and two really epic ones.  We have a rating system.  You know–the whole 1-10 thing.  Rarely there are a few in the 3-4 range.  Mostly they are in the 7-9 range.  However, sometimes there are the amazing 10s.  Sometimes afterward I feel a little like a judge in a sporting event.  Maybe we need to make some paddles.  🙂  He always knows when they are 10s, but asks anyway.  He was a very good Snake on Thursday and managed two of those.  Happy Thursday to me.

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Chastity, D/s, FLR

What Makes FLR Work?

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FLR (Female-Led Relationship, or FLM Female-Led Marriage) is essentially a power exchange arrangement.  I have thought a lot (probably too much) about why this is cool, why it pushes buttons for people, what they get out of it, etc.

Aside from the power trip of being in charge, why is this associated with sexual control too?  I realize that most FLR sites are going to tell you that FLR isn’t about sexual stuff. It’s about being in charge, being in control, etc.  But the fact is, many guys crave it.  Many relationships thrive with it.  Have you thought about why?

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Chastity, Edema

Realities of Chastity: Dealing with Edema

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I’ve been fighting a battle with edema for about 3 weeks now.  Ever since I really fully healed from the PA, it’s been a problem.  I don’t believe it’s a PA issue though, but that was my first thought.

Edema happens when the chastity cage “traps” fluids – with the case of chastity cages specifically, it’s swelling that is in your penis, from what I’ve seen, it’s usually on the underside, towards the head.  It’s not like a really “full” swelling – for me at least and those I’ve been able to read up on (which is surprisingly scarce online), it’s more of a 25-50% full kind of thing, so it’s like loose skin with fluid in it.

But it’s not a good thing – apparently it can lead to complications – I won’t go into it much here, because that’s not the point of this post.  Suffice to say that you should figure it out and deal with it.

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Chastity, D/s, FLR, Piercing

Having fun keeping the horniness alive…

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We’ve talked about integrating D/s and FLR into our daily lives.  Sometimes it is hard to find time for long play sessions with other things going on in our lives.  Life does have a tendency to interfere with what we want to be doing.

Snake and I have certain rituals that we do to reinforce our play when we are short on time.  They are our ways of staying connected.

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Chastity, D/s, FLR

FLR in Daily Life

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It can be tough to sustain any number of these lifestyle changes that we collectively write about in the “kink” world.  I look around and it’s impossible not to see the blog carnage from those who start, then get swept up in life.

I think one of the things that we turn to some of these “activities” for (certainly chastity and FLR) is to reclaim our life a bit.  We can all get so stuck in life that we run out of time.  It seems that one of the first things to be sacrificed is our love life, our partner.  We are in this together, so let’s stay busy on life to get through it… – but this can lead to giving up time and attention that relationships need.

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Chastity, D/s, Uncategorized

Do you ever wonder? Are we alone? (Random Thoughts)

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Not in a space alien way (although that finger on E.T. is suspicious), but in a kink-way.

Do you ever find yourself people-watching and wonder “hey, I wonder if they do fun kinky stuff?”

I find myself wondering this a lot more than I probably should.  For us, we’ve had inklings about being a bit more on the fringes all along, but never embraced and really explored “this whole thing.*”  So I look around and see these people who seem vanilla and sigh.  Honestly, there are times when I’d love to stand up on a table and just yell,

“Wake up people!  There is so much to experience and do and so much you can bring into your sensual life!”

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