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The Scrabble Tiles Are Out Again

Long weekends seem to bring out the fun-loving spontaneous side of me.  Or, as Snake likes to put it, the evil and devious side of me.  [Snake: I think that depends on your perspective.  “fun-loving” – I do think “devious” is more apt] Either way, it’s time for another Scrabble challenge. If you don’t remember the previous ones, here is the first challenge and here is the second one.

[Snake: I KNEW this was coming.  After two wins, I even told her after the last one that I was sure that the next one was going to be on the hairy edge of impossible.  She hasn’t disappointed.]

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Prince Albert Piercing / PA – turns 1 year old

This last weekend (March 19th) is my one-year anniversary of getting my PA – my Prince Albert piercing. I wanted to follow up the other posts about this experience and give everyone an update.  Luckily, this isn’t about kids turning 1, so no huge array of pictures to endure. 🙂

There’s a link in the top menu bar to the other PA posts if you’re interested.  From just before to time since… it’s all there.

The PA has been, overall, a great thing.  I don’t say “overall” to take away anything from it.  I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Here are some interesting bits I’ve learned over the last year…

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Shower Torture

I’m sure you know how it is.  You get up, you mindlessly wander to the shower and try to jump start your engine to get the day going.  The warm water, the ritual of getting presentable … it all comes together to help.

So, there I am.  I’m in the shower, washing my hair.  Trying to turn on my intellectual lights.  As I’m scrubbing away, I suddenly hear the shower curtain pull back, you grab me by the waist and place me in the corner of the shower, out of the stream of water, suds in my hair, eyes closed.

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And the Answer is…

Last night was one of our rare nights alone with no dance lessons or practice.  So, of course, it was time for some teasing and play…

We had to do our photo for #boobday so that’s always a fun tease to begin the night.  Snake gets to be behind the camera and take lots of shots and be a professional.  No touching, just looking.  And, sometimes, you know, it does take a while to get the right shot.

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Getting What He Wants in an FLR

Handing over control is a powerful idea for a lot of guys – chastity goes hand-in-hand with this – you lock it up and hand over the keys and voila!  She runs your life, makes the decisions, and things are wonderful.  It’s exactly as you imagined it.

Except that’s not how it goes.  The reality is you’re two people.  You have to work out how you’ll work together, how she’ll make decisions and more.  But most of all, she gets to run the show.  On the surface, that’s the point.  At a deeper level, it’s a huge change.

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Who’s the Boss? (She is)

At the end of the week, as the work day starts to wind down, I’m working to finish up, get everyone their final bits to be done for the day.  I’ve been heads-down for hours, door shut, putting together the dreaded weekend lists for everyone to finish up over the weekend.

There’s a soft knock at the door and I try to ignore it.  But the knocking comes again, this time louder.  I mumble something resembling “come in,” hoping that whomever is on the other side of the door will take the hint and go away.  Nothing happens.  I grin to myself, thinking I succeeded, then the knock again.  Now I’m getting annoyed.  “Come in!” is all I can get out, with an expletive or two under my breath afterward.

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Charmer’s Thoughts on the Cage Part 2

About two weeks ago I wrote about my thoughts when we first started using THE CAGE….I don’t know why but for some reason it always seems like it needs a booming voice to say that.

I talked about the history of our use of THE CAGE–see, you are doing it in your head now too, aren’t you?–and opened up a whole new question set.  I said that we didn’t think anything would really change and left it there.  Since then there have been a couple of questions about what changed so I’m going to try to talk about that in some coherent way.  No promises.

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Charmer’s Thoughts on the Cage…

Life is interfering with Snake’s blogging… Being a techie nerd, when things fall apart, they tend to take the world with them.  So, he’s busy being brilliant in his real life so I thought that I would write…gasp!

Besides–since he won’t be able to make his deadline on his post, it just gives me lots of delicious opportunities to come up with alternative tasks.  Maybe a story, maybe an extra picture, maybe something completely new. Oh, the ideas running through my head.

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Objectification

When I walk in the door on Friday afternoon, you’re there to greet me.  You have the grin on your face.  The one that says you’re plotting and scheming and are in a place where you’re interested in one thing only – getting your way.

As I walk in you put your finger on my lips softly to shush me.  You take my things, put them on the floor and proceed to undress me.

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That Feeling When She Sinks Down on Me

So, there I was.  Flat on my back, raring to go.  Charmer had that look in her eyes that she was really looking forward to being on top and I have to admit to loving it too.

I love that feeling when she sinks down on me, then just stops and lets things settle.  I look forward to it, consciously, even when we’re apart.  This time was no different.  Except that it was different.  As she lowered herself, my brain was screaming “YES!  Here it comes!”  but my body was reporting in that nothing was going on.

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What Is It About Denial/Control Anyway?

More often than not, when I am talking with someone about all this stuff we do, the conversation comes around to why denial would be something that would OK.  Or, more accurately in our own case, “control” – neither of us are really into outright denial, but rather control and limited “release.”  [SSC:  Or rather, limits for you…]   So many times people have talked to me and as we talk through it, they just have this bewildered look on their face.

Let’s face it, commonly it’s all about the “O” (hopefully for both parties) and it’s a race to get there.  To change that up and completely manage or control, often without allowing one at a given time at all, is just a foreign concept.  Add to that that many times I will pass on the opportunity willingly – and you get some really funny comments and feedback.

“But why?  Why would you do this?”

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Two Years…

Snake and I have been talking that we are about at our two year kinkiversary.  No, we don’t have an exact date because like most other things in our life, we just decided to make a change and did it.  We’re the poster children for snap decisions–which, in most cases, turn out to be the right ones.

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Wait. What?

[SSC:  Just a warning….I was laughing so hard that I almost fell out of my chair when I was reading this.  So fair warning:  strap in…]

I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie “Inside Out” from Disney/Pixar – but if not, you may want to check it out.  (Here’s a link to the trailer for context, it’s short and important for this post) It’s hysterically funny, and at the same time, shows the conversations that happen in our respective brains as life moves forward.

I had this type of conversation happen to me with Charmer and the only way I could describe it was in terms of the movie – for future reference, the characters in my head that were involved were:

  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Joy

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Communication Gamification

I had a bit of a realization today.  Might even border on epiphany.

You always hear people *say* that chastity and FLR and these assorted things we all collectively do tend to have a generally positive impact on relationships.   As a matter of record, this has been extraordinarily true in our own case – having had a profound impact on our own lives together (for the record, for the better).

But I can’t help wondering why.  Why does putting a piece of steel around your privates, locking it down and handing over the key change a relationship, sometimes shaking it to the core?  How does that “fix” communication issues and “fix” other issues going on?*

* It doesn’t, of course, automatically fix mortally wounded relationships.  It’s been said before, but it can be a catalyst-type of event, but it doesn’t fix a broken relationship.  It can represent a change in approach, a turning point.  But if there are underlying issues, those aren’t going to go away with a padlock.   More on this here.

I think I have a clue about this – an idea of at least one significant thing that gets rolling when you do this stuff.  I suspect, depending on the type of play you get interested in, it can have a more or less profound impact, but for the sake of this post, let’s go with enforced chastity, D/s and FLR.  Yes, I realize those are huge areas, but bear with me a bit.

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TIL: Attitudinal Cycles and Subbie Head-Space

Almost makes it sound scholarly, yes?  “Attitudinal” – basically how to keep your head on straight when you have the chance to see how orgasms can impact your attitude.

My personal sweet spot is that span of time when subbie-mindset is in full swing and at the same time, I’m climbing the walls wanting to get playtime with Charmer.  [SSC:  Is there ever a time when that isn’t the case?  I don’t remember any but they say that the mind is the first thing to go.]  But I’ve come to learn too that that’s indeed impacted by those times when I’m allowed to have an orgasm, vs. those times when I’m denied.

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Continuing to Learn About Myself, Feeling a Bit Like a Puppet

It’s really strange to be “my age” and be learning big things about yourself.  Sure, no one likes to stop learning and I hope that it never happens, but to be having these pretty surprising things come up over and over again is pretty cool and remarkable.

We’re wrapping up our time in Vegas – a mini-vacation as we head into what will surely be a great time of year for us and the family, but will just as surely be a stressful one.  It’s great to get away and goof off and just relax a bit.  Hey, I even won $14.50 today on a slot machine.  Can’t complain.

You may be tired of having me write about O-control and what I learn, but this stuff, to me, is bordering on epiphany stuff.  During this time in Vegas, Charmer has been messing with me in all sorts of ways.  The first night out alone she flipped the “me, not you” switch and enforced the denial portion of our dynamic.  But something is changing and this was the first time I’d seen this in myself.

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Vegas Day 1…Can I?

Sitting here and waiting for breakfast to arrive while looking out at the Vegas strip.  This has always been one of our favorite places to visit.  When we were in college, it was only a five hour drive so we would come early Friday morning and go back on Sunday a few times a year.  Of course, that was when we stayed in the $29 per night more-than-a-little-scary motels.

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On Being Horngry

Denial and orgasm control are funny things.  With a cage, enforced chastity becomes a thing of power exchange and control.  She holds the power to grant or deny orgasms, period.  Yes, I realize it doesn’t *require* a cage, but I can tell you in times when the “game is afoot,” it sure makes things more clear.

I had a weird experience this last weekend in terms of learning to work through this whole control and power exchange thing we do.  We’d had a great day on Saturday, a lazy, relaxing evening and were just basically lounging around doing nothing in particular.  [SSC:  I was, however, sitting in a tight pair of jeans and knee-high boots that were driving him a little crazy.]   When we did retire for the evening, Charmer decided to punish me for being to suggestive throughout the day.  I was pretty surprised by this – but I couldn’t honestly tell if it was punishment, excuse or teasing.  Turns out it was more teasing than anything, but it sure worked.

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Can’t, Won’t, Don’t Wanna and Fear of the Unknown

Over at the Male Chastity Journal, Lion wrote about “Can’t and Won’t” – and specifically how enforced chastity has applied to their lives.  I thought it was really interesting to see the distinction between the two… and it got me thinking about how many things I’ve personally seen go from can’t to won’t to can to simply “yes, please.”  It’s a different view on Can’t and Won’t, but it’s just how my brain works. 🙂

While this doesn’t apply only to enforced chastity, when Charmer and I started our journey, we sheepishly stumbled into chastity and I read up all I could.  I tore through Thumper’s blog and I’m Hers and so many others.  I read and studied (sorry, it’s what I do) and tried to learn what was fantasy, what was real.  [SSC:  Yes, believe me, he did.  I think he would have done a report with citations if he thought that I would have read it. ]  I wondered if it was really possible chastity and this new approach to being a couple could really have the impact these blogs talk about.

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The Song That Kept Looping Through My Brain…

As most of you know, Snake has been caged and chaste since July 23rd.  I decided that he needed an extended period of time locked to put him back into his subby mindset.  He wrote about it here.  Since then, he has one ruined and quite a bit of playtime with me on him, but no orgasms.  The earliest date that he was going to be allowed to come was September 7th, but because of circumstances, last night was *the night*.

It started off as a pretty average Wednesday night around here.  We went to our dance lesson, which we rocked, came home and had dinner and I had a bath.  After the last two nights of being denied, I’m pretty sure that he was expecting it again last night.  Have to keep the boy guessing…

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Sub-Blocked

All day she’d been teasing me, telling me that that night she’d be exercising her Domme side, something I was really looking forward to and, since it’d been so long since we’d had time to ourselves, I was also a bit anxious about just what that would be.  We’ve recently decided to up the ante quite a lot on our D/s relationship and the FLR side as well.  Something I’ve been working through, not perfectly, but working on it.  It also lays entirely at her feet what happens, when, and at what level.

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6.5 Things You MUST Do As A Submissive

I’ve seen a whole series of articles and posts going around talking about what’s required to be a Dom(me).  Of course the articles are all about the fact that there simply is not a “one true path” to being a Dom(me) but more of a mindset that you make your own.

There is so much information “out there” that gives rules on what is, and is not, truly fulfilling that role.  From what you need to be thinking to how you are with your partners and submissive partners.  Needless to say, it’s all bunk.  The only way this can work is if you make it your own. There are infinite flavors and infinite ideas on what you may find appealing.  Need inspiration?  Everything from Fetlife to amazing writers (looking at you Domme Chronicles and so many more) that talk about so many aspects of things to think about.

But that’s not what this post is about.

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Sinful Sunday #2 – A Changing Dynamic

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So many changes in this new phase of our lives together.  The PA, the cage, our personal life reboot.  As we work to get better at “us” we have found so many excellent people, experiences and just plain fun!

 

Sinful Sunday