Crossing the Streams – and Turtling

I have a fairly public persona that we actively protect when it comes to stuff “here” and “there.”  It drives me a little nuts.  When both of your personas are almost entirely online, not getting any kind of bread crumb between the two of them is, if we’re being honest, nearly impossible.

A slipped reference, a missed login… and, if we’re going to get technical, even speech patterns and style suggests enough, over time, to draw lines.

I hate that it’s a problem.  I have to actively change my writing style.  I have to work to use different browsers for different types of work.  I have to hide my phone, then encrypt it, then password it, then put locks on applications that then prompt for logins.  It’s absolutely ridiculous.

This whole thing of anonymity and not crossing the streams is just over-the-top silly.

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Sinful Sunday 15 – The Ties That Bind

Charmer and I have a fantastic history and have experienced some of the biggest extremes in life – the highs and lows – and when we were taking shots for today’s Sinful Sunday, all I could think of (OK, I’ll be honest, it’s not “all I could think of,” let’s be real), was how all of these threads and ties and life-hooks have brought us to today.  And how this was very symbolic of that!

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Who’s Watching the Watchers?

The communication gamification post the other day prompted some nice comments, but one in particular has stuck with me all week.  Trying to figure out how to explain a bit more about our dynamic (Charmer and Mine) and how it all works, without hanging her (or the commenter) out to dry.

Some background first that might help – Charmer and I have been married for a loooooooooong time.  Like nearly 30 years.  Together for even longer.  [SSC:  You mean we didn’t get married before we dated?]   In that time, we’ve developed a pretty solid relationship, we’ve been through some really incredibly great highs and lows that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  OK, perhaps that’s not entirely true, I actually would like to wish some of them on my worst enemy, but that sounds bad, so I’ll just leave it at that.  [SSC:  For the record, I would totally wish them on him.]

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Communication Gamification

I had a bit of a realization today.  Might even border on epiphany.

You always hear people *say* that chastity and FLR and these assorted things we all collectively do tend to have a generally positive impact on relationships.   As a matter of record, this has been extraordinarily true in our own case – having had a profound impact on our own lives together (for the record, for the better).

But I can’t help wondering why.  Why does putting a piece of steel around your privates, locking it down and handing over the key change a relationship, sometimes shaking it to the core?  How does that “fix” communication issues and “fix” other issues going on?*

* It doesn’t, of course, automatically fix mortally wounded relationships.  It’s been said before, but it can be a catalyst-type of event, but it doesn’t fix a broken relationship.  It can represent a change in approach, a turning point.  But if there are underlying issues, those aren’t going to go away with a padlock.   More on this here.

I think I have a clue about this – an idea of at least one significant thing that gets rolling when you do this stuff.  I suspect, depending on the type of play you get interested in, it can have a more or less profound impact, but for the sake of this post, let’s go with enforced chastity, D/s and FLR.  Yes, I realize those are huge areas, but bear with me a bit.

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TIL: Attitudinal Cycles and Subbie Head-Space

Almost makes it sound scholarly, yes?  “Attitudinal” – basically how to keep your head on straight when you have the chance to see how orgasms can impact your attitude.

My personal sweet spot is that span of time when subbie-mindset is in full swing and at the same time, I’m climbing the walls wanting to get playtime with Charmer.  [SSC:  Is there ever a time when that isn’t the case?  I don’t remember any but they say that the mind is the first thing to go.]  But I’ve come to learn too that that’s indeed impacted by those times when I’m allowed to have an orgasm, vs. those times when I’m denied.

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Continuing to Learn About Myself, Feeling a Bit Like a Puppet

It’s really strange to be “my age” and be learning big things about yourself.  Sure, no one likes to stop learning and I hope that it never happens, but to be having these pretty surprising things come up over and over again is pretty cool and remarkable.

We’re wrapping up our time in Vegas – a mini-vacation as we head into what will surely be a great time of year for us and the family, but will just as surely be a stressful one.  It’s great to get away and goof off and just relax a bit.  Hey, I even won $14.50 today on a slot machine.  Can’t complain.

You may be tired of having me write about O-control and what I learn, but this stuff, to me, is bordering on epiphany stuff.  During this time in Vegas, Charmer has been messing with me in all sorts of ways.  The first night out alone she flipped the “me, not you” switch and enforced the denial portion of our dynamic.  But something is changing and this was the first time I’d seen this in myself.

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Vegas Day 1…Can I?

Sitting here and waiting for breakfast to arrive while looking out at the Vegas strip.  This has always been one of our favorite places to visit.  When we were in college, it was only a five hour drive so we would come early Friday morning and go back on Sunday a few times a year.  Of course, that was when we stayed in the $29 per night more-than-a-little-scary motels.

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On Being Horngry

Denial and orgasm control are funny things.  With a cage, enforced chastity becomes a thing of power exchange and control.  She holds the power to grant or deny orgasms, period.  Yes, I realize it doesn’t *require* a cage, but I can tell you in times when the “game is afoot,” it sure makes things more clear.

I had a weird experience this last weekend in terms of learning to work through this whole control and power exchange thing we do.  We’d had a great day on Saturday, a lazy, relaxing evening and were just basically lounging around doing nothing in particular.  [SSC:  I was, however, sitting in a tight pair of jeans and knee-high boots that were driving him a little crazy.]   When we did retire for the evening, Charmer decided to punish me for being to suggestive throughout the day.  I was pretty surprised by this – but I couldn’t honestly tell if it was punishment, excuse or teasing.  Turns out it was more teasing than anything, but it sure worked.

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What the F*ck is Wrong with Me?

That’s what I ended up asking Charmer at the end of our time together over the weekend.  It was about 4:30a, and we’d just been through a very intense time together.

Let me rewind a bit.

She’d been accumulating infractions and been teasing the idea of trying out some of her new implements that she’d had me order.   A couple of paddle-type implements, a crop, a strap and even a cat-o-nine tails.   She’d done research and found these were a good cross-section of different implements and that each had different, well, impact.  [SSC:  Side note:  We had also just rocked our first serious solo dance performance in front of friends and family. ]  After binge-watching a few shows earlier in the evening, it came to after midnight and she told me to go get things ready for her.

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Sinful Sunday #10 — Being Pampered

When we saw the theme for October was Simple Pleasures, Snake immediately knew that he wanted this picture.  He started doing my pedicures back when I was pregnant with our son.  In other words, an eon ago.  🙂   One day he was watching me getting frustrated because I couldn’t reach my toes.  He offered to take care of it to be nice–and probably avoid another meltdown.

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Sinful Sunday #8 — Contradictions

This idea came from a conversation that I had with a friend yesterday.  I mentioned that I wasn’t very exciting, not in a poor-me way, but in a this-is-just-my-life way.  She came back that I was so many different things and boring wasn’t one of them.  She listed mom, business owner, and dancer.  I didn’t really think about it again until our initial idea for the picture for today didn’t work out.

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Can’t, Won’t, Don’t Wanna and Fear of the Unknown

Over at the Male Chastity Journal, Lion wrote about “Can’t and Won’t” – and specifically how enforced chastity has applied to their lives.  I thought it was really interesting to see the distinction between the two… and it got me thinking about how many things I’ve personally seen go from can’t to won’t to can to simply “yes, please.”  It’s a different view on Can’t and Won’t, but it’s just how my brain works. 🙂

While this doesn’t apply only to enforced chastity, when Charmer and I started our journey, we sheepishly stumbled into chastity and I read up all I could.  I tore through Thumper’s blog and I’m Hers and so many others.  I read and studied (sorry, it’s what I do) and tried to learn what was fantasy, what was real.  [SSC:  Yes, believe me, he did.  I think he would have done a report with citations if he thought that I would have read it. ]  I wondered if it was really possible chastity and this new approach to being a couple could really have the impact these blogs talk about.

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The Song That Kept Looping Through My Brain…

As most of you know, Snake has been caged and chaste since July 23rd.  I decided that he needed an extended period of time locked to put him back into his subby mindset.  He wrote about it here.  Since then, he has one ruined and quite a bit of playtime with me on him, but no orgasms.  The earliest date that he was going to be allowed to come was September 7th, but because of circumstances, last night was *the night*.

It started off as a pretty average Wednesday night around here.  We went to our dance lesson, which we rocked, came home and had dinner and I had a bath.  After the last two nights of being denied, I’m pretty sure that he was expecting it again last night.  Have to keep the boy guessing…

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Sub-Blocked

All day she’d been teasing me, telling me that that night she’d be exercising her Domme side, something I was really looking forward to and, since it’d been so long since we’d had time to ourselves, I was also a bit anxious about just what that would be.  We’ve recently decided to up the ante quite a lot on our D/s relationship and the FLR side as well.  Something I’ve been working through, not perfectly, but working on it.  It also lays entirely at her feet what happens, when, and at what level.

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6.5 Things You MUST Do As A Submissive

I’ve seen a whole series of articles and posts going around talking about what’s required to be a Dom(me).  Of course the articles are all about the fact that there simply is not a “one true path” to being a Dom(me) but more of a mindset that you make your own.

There is so much information “out there” that gives rules on what is, and is not, truly fulfilling that role.  From what you need to be thinking to how you are with your partners and submissive partners.  Needless to say, it’s all bunk.  The only way this can work is if you make it your own. There are infinite flavors and infinite ideas on what you may find appealing.  Need inspiration?  Everything from Fetlife to amazing writers (looking at you Domme Chronicles and so many more) that talk about so many aspects of things to think about.

But that’s not what this post is about.

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