Our Version of Dominance and Submission

There has been a lot of blogging lately about how subs can be made to feel submissive.  Several people have talked about more discipline, several have talked about more verbal commands and Snake made his feelings known last week.

There are so many posts on what makes a Domme.  If you do x, you aren’t really a Domme.  If you don’t do x, you aren’t really a Domme.  It’s the fantasy version of the woman in black leather holding handcuffs and a whip.  It’s not reality.  Sure, there is probably leather, handcuffs and whips in many of our arsenals.  But I think those are tools, not the actual domination.

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Update on the PA – 3 weeks in

The Prince Albert saga is heading toward normalcy now, but thought I’d pass along an update on my learnings.  When I was considering this, it seems like you see a few different types of posts:

  • I really, really, really want to get a PA, but I’m terrified of getting my junk pierced.  Does it hurt?
  • Typically in response to the one above, “No, go for it.  It’s great!”
  • Posts about the terror of getting it done.  Often, these are linked to videos were you would think the entire lower body of the individual was being lopped off at once and re-attached during the piercing process.  Not a good representation of the process, and alarmist, to say the least.
  • Posts about the day after – “It was a bloodbath” was my favorite in this genre.
  • Not much thereafter really.

So I wanted to try give some more information.  When first pierced, I was given a 10g 7/8″ ring.  Freakishly larger than I expected.  As I mentioned, it was explained that this was just a starter.  You can bet your sweet…. piercing it is.  It’s large enough, actually, to cause issues, at least for me.  The torque on the ring twisted it all around and caused more irritation than the basic piercing process.  But, It wasn’t my call.  Besides, let’s be real.  When I was getting the piercing done, he could have told me he was going to thread a small, rusted, bent fishhook through and I wouldn’t have objected.  I was too terrified.  All for naught, but it’s the truth.

Quick side note, just to cover my back side.  Never pierce your penis with a small, rusted, bent fishhook.  It won’t end well.  Oh, and while we’re at it, don’t put lead solder through your piercing to “keep it open” or stretch it.  Yes, I’ve seen posts about this, believe it or not.  These things are bad for you.  Very bad idea.  See a piercer, get medical implant grade metals, make sure it’s sterilized, etc.

Quick status.  We’re now approaching 4 weeks in.  Be sure to read the other posts about the PA experience, it’s been an interesting ride at times, but generally very straightforward.  I’d agree with the second bullet above, “go for it.”  It’s really cool and you’ll like it.  A lot.

At about 2 1/2 weeks in, I finally decided I’d had enough with the big ring.  But the piercer used a tool-required captured ball ring.  This means you need to go back to the piercer to get it changed out (a good idea) or have the tools (in my mind, a better idea, so you can deal later) to do it yourself.  There are a number of places that sell the funky tools – basically reverse pliers – you can even find them on Amazon (not an affiliate link/nor endorsement). They make removing the ball possible and even easy.

Original ring out, I had purchased an 8g and 6g ring (Titanium) from an online retailer and put in the 8g ring.  Went in without a hitch and even had the presence of mind to buy one that didn’t require tools to put the ball back in (snap-in captured ball ring is what they call it).  I also changed the ring size, down from 7/8 to 5/8.  Seems like the most common sizes are 5/8 and 3/4.  The right size depends on a) you, and b) the type of jewelry you’re putting in.

If you’re putting in a ring, you can be pretty close to the distance between your piercing and the urethra opening.  I don’t have a curved barbell yet, but my understanding from reading and such is that you should likely go one size up (so 5/8 to 3/4 for example) for the distance between the end-cap balls.  This is because the barbell “settles in” to your urethra differently than the ring does.  It needs a bit more room.  Feel free to add a comment if you have more experience with this, and I’ll update too as I try different things.

The other variable I’ve seen is the sizing on the end-cap balls.  Don’t go small.  You don’t have to put beach balls on there, but you don’t want tiny balls either.  <Giggle.  SSC> Yes, I realize how you’re probably reading this, but bear with me.  If they’re too small, they can slip into the urethra and that’s “unpleasant.”

I’m now sitting in a 8g, itching to go to 6g when the stars align.  The 8g is SO much more comfortable.  The correctly sized ring is as well.  It was an amazing difference with it in.  At this point, from all I can tell, things are healed fully and just settling in.  To me, the difference is *any* kind of pain or discomfort suggests healing – and that’s gone.  It used to be uncomfortable with pressure on the ring, or moving it, etc.  Not bad, just … odd.  Now, it’s no longer the case at all.  I call that healed.  The settling in comes from now trying to get accustomed to a new chastity device (my next project) and letting my body tell me when it’s cool to go to the next gauge size.

The new Steelheart is incredibly well made, and I’m looking forward to the PA attachment it has.  In the little experimenting I’ve done thus-far, it’s very comfortable and, yes, looks great too.  I know, “patience young grasshopper.”

I’m so good at being patient waiting.  I mean, it’s not like I have to constantly remind myself that I really don’t want to push this, that it needs to move along at its own pace.  Oh yeah, I do have to keep remembering that.  A good friend (DualDrew) let me know that I needed to wait about 6 weeks before really judging.  Seems about right.  But the payoff is that it looks really cool, feels great and soon, perhaps, Charmer will let me experience the other fun side of things… But that’s a different post.

Feel free to ask question, post ideas, post your own experiences.  Of course everyone is different.  But I keep hearing my piercer in my head:

It’s a really simple piercing.  If all guys knew how simple it was, and how great it made sex afterward, I can guarantee you *everyone* would have one.

That’s pretty cool. Still waiting for my “welcome to the PA club membership card” though.