I walk in the back door and you’re standing there with an envelope. You smile, hand me the envelope and walk away with a touch of your finger to my lips.
I put my things down and open the envelope.
Pain, Pleasure and Restraint(s)
It seems such a cliche’ thing that you hear all the time in this community.
Be careful what you wish for. You may get it.
This was certainly the case this time.
Orgasm Control vs. Orgasm Denial
Snake and I have been having this long winded discussion about whether we are doing control or denial. This, of course, means that we have to actually figure out what we mean by those two words….
This all started last week when Thumper posted his May metrics. We, being the nerds that we are, also have spreadsheets and ratios and all of that. Thumper said that he was at 11 for the year so I had to check our stats. Snake is at 6.
Making Dinner
When I walk in you ask me to tell you about my day – we start some typical banter, I realize that everything I say is met with “mmmhmmm” and “oh, I see…” in an exaggerated way. You could not care less what I’m talking about and you are somewhere else as we get things around to start making dinner.
I try to find out what’s up, but you’re having none of it, egging me in to tell you more about my day. But you stay disjointed, truly uninterested in this comic way. I finally start to give up and start to move away and you stop.
The Scrabble Tiles Are Out Again
Long weekends seem to bring out the fun-loving spontaneous side of me. Or, as Snake likes to put it, the evil and devious side of me. [Snake: I think that depends on your perspective. “fun-loving” – I do think “devious” is more apt] Either way, it’s time for another Scrabble challenge. If you don’t remember the previous ones, here is the first challenge and here is the second one.
[Snake: I KNEW this was coming. After two wins, I even told her after the last one that I was sure that the next one was going to be on the hairy edge of impossible. She hasn’t disappointed.]
Update….Yup—Still Around
I know the Snake Den has been pretty quiet recently. There have been pics and the rare post and story, but not the usual stuff. Muggle life has been keeping us way too busy…
Work… blah, blah, blah… family… blah, blah, blah… miscellaneous nonsense… blah, blah, blah… You get the picture and it’s boring and the same for everyone so, yeah…
Rope and Fixtures
We are both excited to try out some new items that have arrived. We set aside the time to just relax, goof around and then get down to the business of new toys and options. As we’re sitting there talking and just trying to turn off the day, you tell me that you need me to go get “the box” and “the furniture.”
Seems a little strange, perhaps. But I expected the box, that’s where our new rope is. But the furniture is a different story and intent. When I come back with the different things after a couple of trips, you just point to the middle of the room where you’ve moved the table and have a blanket out.
I lay out our brand new rope and you tell me I just need to check out and come back in a bit. I look at you oddly but you just grin and let me know that you’d prefer I not say a word, instead just let you do whatever comes to mind in whatever way it comes to mind. Sure, safewords are in place, but anything short of that, just let it happen.
She Says My Voice Changes for Her
Dinner was wonderful. Nice restaurant, great drinks, and the food was so good. It was one of those casual “hits” where it all just comes together and makes it a relaxing, fun evening. As we are walking out, you snuggle up under my arm, nuzzling in against me.
There is this weird, wonderful disconnect that I crave with you. I can see in your eyes that the Domme side is running through you, but often, before we have play time, you have this tenderness about you, this intense tenderness that takes the world away. This is one of those times and I slow down a bit walking to the car, just to extend the time. Selfish, but really nice.
On our way home, you’re talking about friends, happenings, the week – just small talk. You scoot over closer and put your hand on my cage just completely nonchalantly. I look at you and grin and you don’t even look back to meet my gaze. You just keep the conversation going. You’re pretending it’s not happening, but within just a few seconds, that cage beneath your hands is fully-engaged and hiding what you do to me.
Shower Torture
I’m sure you know how it is. You get up, you mindlessly wander to the shower and try to jump start your engine to get the day going. The warm water, the ritual of getting presentable … it all comes together to help.
So, there I am. I’m in the shower, washing my hair. Trying to turn on my intellectual lights. As I’m scrubbing away, I suddenly hear the shower curtain pull back, you grab me by the waist and place me in the corner of the shower, out of the stream of water, suds in my hair, eyes closed.
And the Answer is…
Last night was one of our rare nights alone with no dance lessons or practice. So, of course, it was time for some teasing and play…
We had to do our photo for #boobday so that’s always a fun tease to begin the night. Snake gets to be behind the camera and take lots of shots and be a professional. No touching, just looking. And, sometimes, you know, it does take a while to get the right shot.
SOUNDING Like Fun Torture
As we wander into the play area, you’re already grinning from ear to ear. I can tell you’ve been thinking about this for awhile, and have ideas about what you want to do. Pretty unusual since you’re more of a “by the seat of your pants” type, but every now and then, you’ve planned things out in detail in your mind’s eye and this is one of those.
Closing and locking the door you walk me to the center of the room, put on my wrist cuffs and attach a chain, sit me on a stool you have there. When my hands are up over my head, just enough to stretch well, you attach them to the rings. I’m sort of dangling there, twisting a bit trying to get relaxed into the tug on my arms.
Charmer’s Thoughts on the Cage Part 2
About two weeks ago I wrote about my thoughts when we first started using THE CAGE….I don’t know why but for some reason it always seems like it needs a booming voice to say that.
I talked about the history of our use of THE CAGE–see, you are doing it in your head now too, aren’t you?–and opened up a whole new question set. I said that we didn’t think anything would really change and left it there. Since then there have been a couple of questions about what changed so I’m going to try to talk about that in some coherent way. No promises.
Be Careful What You Wish For
I really should learn not to joke around about things that I’m just not quite certain about at the time. It may seem like something you wish for at the time in an abstract sense, but it can be extremely intense in reality. It plants a seed in you that you keep around for later use and it has been known to come back to haunt me a bit in the future on more than one occasion.
“ha ha – wouldn’t it be funny if you…” is a dangerous entry into a charged scene. Even though it’s a fantasy or even fleeting thought at the time I may mention it, your mind has this ability to grab onto it and take it to the farthest possible extreme. Sometimes this is good, sometimes it’s a little shocking.
Challenge: To the Edge and Back
Yet another great challenge idea that I wanted to share with you from Charmer’s mind – I’m not sure how she comes up with these, but they are both fun and intense. We seem to learn something every time too – and I can see the gears turning in her mind on how to make them more difficult (eh, impossible) next time. [SSC: No one wants to be in my mind…and of course it will be more challenging next time.]
Objectification
When I walk in the door on Friday afternoon, you’re there to greet me. You have the grin on your face. The one that says you’re plotting and scheming and are in a place where you’re interested in one thing only – getting your way.
As I walk in you put your finger on my lips softly to shush me. You take my things, put them on the floor and proceed to undress me.
That Feeling When She Sinks Down on Me
So, there I was. Flat on my back, raring to go. Charmer had that look in her eyes that she was really looking forward to being on top and I have to admit to loving it too.
I love that feeling when she sinks down on me, then just stops and lets things settle. I look forward to it, consciously, even when we’re apart. This time was no different. Except that it was different. As she lowered herself, my brain was screaming “YES! Here it comes!” but my body was reporting in that nothing was going on.
Another Scrabble Challenge
Snake has been asking about another game. We haven’t played an official one since the beginning of June so I guess it’s about time to drive him insane again…
The Scrabble tiles are back. You remember how much he adored them the first time, right? Scrabble is his favorite board game. Not. And that just makes it even more fun for me.
The last time that we did a Scrabble game, he was earning points. We haven’t been doing the points lately so the rules have to change. So, instead of points, we are playing for days. To be precise, the number of days before he will be allowed an orgasm. His beginning date is December 18th so a week from today. He will be playing to see if he moves the date forward or backward…
What Is It About Denial/Control Anyway?
More often than not, when I am talking with someone about all this stuff we do, the conversation comes around to why denial would be something that would OK. Or, more accurately in our own case, “control” – neither of us are really into outright denial, but rather control and limited “release.” [SSC: Or rather, limits for you…] So many times people have talked to me and as we talk through it, they just have this bewildered look on their face.
Let’s face it, commonly it’s all about the “O” (hopefully for both parties) and it’s a race to get there. To change that up and completely manage or control, often without allowing one at a given time at all, is just a foreign concept. Add to that that many times I will pass on the opportunity willingly – and you get some really funny comments and feedback.
“But why? Why would you do this?”
Wait. What?
[SSC: Just a warning….I was laughing so hard that I almost fell out of my chair when I was reading this. So fair warning: strap in…]
I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie “Inside Out” from Disney/Pixar – but if not, you may want to check it out. (Here’s a link to the trailer for context, it’s short and important for this post) It’s hysterically funny, and at the same time, shows the conversations that happen in our respective brains as life moves forward.
I had this type of conversation happen to me with Charmer and the only way I could describe it was in terms of the movie – for future reference, the characters in my head that were involved were:
- Fear
- Anger
- Joy
TIL: Attitudinal Cycles and Subbie Head-Space
Almost makes it sound scholarly, yes? “Attitudinal” – basically how to keep your head on straight when you have the chance to see how orgasms can impact your attitude.
My personal sweet spot is that span of time when subbie-mindset is in full swing and at the same time, I’m climbing the walls wanting to get playtime with Charmer. [SSC: Is there ever a time when that isn’t the case? I don’t remember any but they say that the mind is the first thing to go.] But I’ve come to learn too that that’s indeed impacted by those times when I’m allowed to have an orgasm, vs. those times when I’m denied.
Continue reading “TIL: Attitudinal Cycles and Subbie Head-Space”
Continuing to Learn About Myself, Feeling a Bit Like a Puppet
It’s really strange to be “my age” and be learning big things about yourself. Sure, no one likes to stop learning and I hope that it never happens, but to be having these pretty surprising things come up over and over again is pretty cool and remarkable.
We’re wrapping up our time in Vegas – a mini-vacation as we head into what will surely be a great time of year for us and the family, but will just as surely be a stressful one. It’s great to get away and goof off and just relax a bit. Hey, I even won $14.50 today on a slot machine. Can’t complain.
You may be tired of having me write about O-control and what I learn, but this stuff, to me, is bordering on epiphany stuff. During this time in Vegas, Charmer has been messing with me in all sorts of ways. The first night out alone she flipped the “me, not you” switch and enforced the denial portion of our dynamic. But something is changing and this was the first time I’d seen this in myself.
Continue reading “Continuing to Learn About Myself, Feeling a Bit Like a Puppet”
Vegas Day 1…Can I?
Sitting here and waiting for breakfast to arrive while looking out at the Vegas strip. This has always been one of our favorite places to visit. When we were in college, it was only a five hour drive so we would come early Friday morning and go back on Sunday a few times a year. Of course, that was when we stayed in the $29 per night more-than-a-little-scary motels.
On Being Horngry
Denial and orgasm control are funny things. With a cage, enforced chastity becomes a thing of power exchange and control. She holds the power to grant or deny orgasms, period. Yes, I realize it doesn’t *require* a cage, but I can tell you in times when the “game is afoot,” it sure makes things more clear.
I had a weird experience this last weekend in terms of learning to work through this whole control and power exchange thing we do. We’d had a great day on Saturday, a lazy, relaxing evening and were just basically lounging around doing nothing in particular. [SSC: I was, however, sitting in a tight pair of jeans and knee-high boots that were driving him a little crazy.] When we did retire for the evening, Charmer decided to punish me for being to suggestive throughout the day. I was pretty surprised by this – but I couldn’t honestly tell if it was punishment, excuse or teasing. Turns out it was more teasing than anything, but it sure worked.
The Song That Kept Looping Through My Brain…
As most of you know, Snake has been caged and chaste since July 23rd. I decided that he needed an extended period of time locked to put him back into his subby mindset. He wrote about it here. Since then, he has one ruined and quite a bit of playtime with me on him, but no orgasms. The earliest date that he was going to be allowed to come was September 7th, but because of circumstances, last night was *the night*.
It started off as a pretty average Wednesday night around here. We went to our dance lesson, which we rocked, came home and had dinner and I had a bath. After the last two nights of being denied, I’m pretty sure that he was expecting it again last night. Have to keep the boy guessing…
Continue reading “The Song That Kept Looping Through My Brain…”
Sub-Blocked
All day she’d been teasing me, telling me that that night she’d be exercising her Domme side, something I was really looking forward to and, since it’d been so long since we’d had time to ourselves, I was also a bit anxious about just what that would be. We’ve recently decided to up the ante quite a lot on our D/s relationship and the FLR side as well. Something I’ve been working through, not perfectly, but working on it. It also lays entirely at her feet what happens, when, and at what level.