It’s been a little while since I tossed out a challenge to Snake so it got me thinking. Which, of course, always makes him more than a little nervous. [Snake: Um, just a tad] The first inspiration was the 12 Days of Christmas, then he mentioned an Advent calendar so I threw caution to the wind and decided to just use the whole month of December. [Snake: Of course — 31 days! Yay! What could possibly go wrong??] So, here is the challenge premise….
Each day of the month, Snake will be responsible for a task. I will be posting them on here and Twitter daily so you can follow along and see what fun things I have for him. Some will be fast and others will be more involved, but all will be lots of fun for me, of course. And, if you have ideas, put them in the comments. I might use them, or not, or keep them for another time, but I always love input… [Snake: Might I suggest suggesting things like “take shower” and “put on socks” – those would be great suggestions you all could make!]
Besides the sheer joy of doing things that I want, what does Snake get out of this? Well…if he accomplishes all of his tasks, he will get two tokens for bonus O’s that can be used any time he is eligible. For someone who is at 13 for the year, I think that’s a pretty good reward. [Snake: Nervously wrings hands. Yes. Yes it is.]
If he misses any at all though, no bonuses. And if he misses more than two, he will start upping the required the ratio by 1% for every one that he misses. Just ask him….he doesn’t want that. [Snake: No, no I don’t.]
So….keep your eyes on here and Twitter for his tasks. It should be a December to remember. [Snake: Or at least, ya know, to cheer for?!]
It’s been three months since the last Scrabble challenge. It might still be hot but summer is coming to an end and I thought it was time to break out the tiles again. Because, of course, I like nothing better than to drive him insane…. And we all know how much he LOVES Scrabble. [Oh yay! Scrabble! I LOVE Scrabble tiles. Someone hand me the matches!]
When I walk in you ask me to tell you about my day – we start some typical banter, I realize that everything I say is met with “mmmhmmm” and “oh, I see…” in an exaggerated way. You could not care less what I’m talking about and you are somewhere else as we get things around to start making dinner.
I try to find out what’s up, but you’re having none of it, egging me in to tell you more about my day. But you stay disjointed, truly uninterested in this comic way. I finally start to give up and start to move away and you stop.
Long weekends seem to bring out the fun-loving spontaneous side of me. Or, as Snake likes to put it, the evil and devious side of me. [Snake: I think that depends on your perspective. “fun-loving” – I do think “devious” is more apt] Either way, it’s time for another Scrabble challenge. If you don’t remember the previous ones, here is the first challenge and here is the second one.
[Snake: I KNEW this was coming. After two wins, I even told her after the last one that I was sure that the next one was going to be on the hairy edge of impossible. She hasn’t disappointed.]
I love rock climbing. I have a great group of friends who really enjoy rock climbing too – but they like different things about it. It seems like we’re always discovering new techniques, new tricks, new things that are fun. I love hearing their stories too – things they’ve done and experienced, things they try and either succeed or fail at.
One of the things I really love about rock climbing is the adrenaline rush. When it comes to a new challenge or a new technique, it’s so much fun to try with with toys, from rope to clamps and even special rock climbing clothes we find. It adds a lot to the overall fun of things and can really help the rock climbing experience.
It’s been an interesting time around the Snake den. Some good, some challenging, you know, like normal life. But I’m one to look back after the fact and try to dissect the good and the bad, try to understand it. It’s my little present to Charmer, just to do my best to drive her a little nuts.
I’m learning. A lot. I’m learning that I have so much to grow into on the /s/ side of things. I ‘m learning about the impact of small, tiny, eensy-weensy things that add up to mixed signals and weird outcomes. Little missed cues, things like that. Oh, and yes, the dreaded (cue the big booming voice) topping from the bottom.
Handing over control is a powerful idea for a lot of guys – chastity goes hand-in-hand with this – you lock it up and hand over the keys and voila! She runs your life, makes the decisions, and things are wonderful. It’s exactly as you imagined it.
Except that’s not how it goes. The reality is you’re two people. You have to work out how you’ll work together, how she’ll make decisions and more. But most of all, she gets to run the show. On the surface, that’s the point. At a deeper level, it’s a huge change.
I’ve written quite a lot about my side of things – the power of sub-space, the “buttons” that get pushed for me in this whole thing, etc. It’s a powerful combination of D/s, kink, our FLR and our overall choices of lifestyle. But I stumbled too on to an article talking about the possible guilt associated with the /s/ side of things -that someone is always doing “to” you and taking care of you and… and… and…
And prior to all of this, I’ve written both public and private stories for Charmer and the site that talk about the look – and her attitude when she gets in that space – when she’s in Domme mode, not wife mode. It got me started thinking, then realizing something really important.
If you follow Snake on Twitter, you might have noticed some pictures and a story that said “Per Charmer’s requirement…” and wondered why I was being so damn pushy… I thought I might tell you what the new year holds for Snake (and me).
We are heading into our third year of our relationship reboot. (Sorry, nerd) Our first year was exploring the D/s side of our relationship. We did a lot of playing with restraints and toys and Snake started wearing his cage. I’m sure that he can tell you the exact date that he ordered his first one but I would say it was January or February of 2014.
If you ever talk with Charmer, you’ll see that she despises the end of year stuff of doing “a look back” and talking about what’s happened over the course of the year. The news programs will spout about things that happened, shows will talk about guests they had, etc. Drives her a bit crazy. [SSC: Very true. They ignore everything happening now for minutiae and interviews with the stars who made headlines this year. I don’t care about the 15 strangest baby names of the stars this year…]
But here I am. 2015 was a big deal for us because we learned a LOT about us. A lot about how we approach this thing we do. Specifically, our FLR has taken pretty strong hold at this point. I love that it’s not in a fantasy way, although I know you’ll be happy to know that it’s rare that she’s not walking around in black leather with a bullwhip while I dust. (Kidding) [SSC: How else would I get the dusting done?] We’ve found some interesting things that work well for us – I’ve written before about different ways we communicate in different scenarios.
Snake and I have been talking that we are about at our two year kinkiversary. No, we don’t have an exact date because like most other things in our life, we just decided to make a change and did it. We’re the poster children for snap decisions–which, in most cases, turn out to be the right ones.
The communication gamification post the other day prompted some nice comments, but one in particular has stuck with me all week. Trying to figure out how to explain a bit more about our dynamic (Charmer and Mine) and how it all works, without hanging her (or the commenter) out to dry.
Some background first that might help – Charmer and I have been married for a loooooooooong time. Like nearly 30 years. Together for even longer. [SSC: You mean we didn’t get married before we dated?] In that time, we’ve developed a pretty solid relationship, we’ve been through some really incredibly great highs and lows that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. OK, perhaps that’s not entirely true, I actually would like to wish some of them on my worst enemy, but that sounds bad, so I’ll just leave it at that. [SSC: For the record, I would totally wish them on him.]
Sitting here and waiting for breakfast to arrive while looking out at the Vegas strip. This has always been one of our favorite places to visit. When we were in college, it was only a five hour drive so we would come early Friday morning and go back on Sunday a few times a year. Of course, that was when we stayed in the $29 per night more-than-a-little-scary motels.
Denial and orgasm control are funny things. With a cage, enforced chastity becomes a thing of power exchange and control. She holds the power to grant or deny orgasms, period. Yes, I realize it doesn’t *require* a cage, but I can tell you in times when the “game is afoot,” it sure makes things more clear.
I had a weird experience this last weekend in terms of learning to work through this whole control and power exchange thing we do. We’d had a great day on Saturday, a lazy, relaxing evening and were just basically lounging around doing nothing in particular. [SSC: I was, however, sitting in a tight pair of jeans and knee-high boots that were driving him a little crazy.] When we did retire for the evening, Charmer decided to punish me for being to suggestive throughout the day. I was pretty surprised by this – but I couldn’t honestly tell if it was punishment, excuse or teasing. Turns out it was more teasing than anything, but it sure worked.
Over at the Male Chastity Journal, Lion wrote about “Can’t and Won’t” – and specifically how enforced chastity has applied to their lives. I thought it was really interesting to see the distinction between the two… and it got me thinking about how many things I’ve personally seen go from can’t to won’t to can to simply “yes, please.” It’s a different view on Can’t and Won’t, but it’s just how my brain works. 🙂
While this doesn’t apply only to enforced chastity, when Charmer and I started our journey, we sheepishly stumbled into chastity and I read up all I could. I tore through Thumper’s blog and I’m Hers and so many others. I read and studied (sorry, it’s what I do) and tried to learn what was fantasy, what was real. [SSC: Yes, believe me, he did. I think he would have done a report with citations if he thought that I would have read it. ] I wondered if it was really possible chastity and this new approach to being a couple could really have the impact these blogs talk about.
All day she’d been teasing me, telling me that that night she’d be exercising her Domme side, something I was really looking forward to and, since it’d been so long since we’d had time to ourselves, I was also a bit anxious about just what that would be. We’ve recently decided to up the ante quite a lot on our D/s relationship and the FLR side as well. Something I’ve been working through, not perfectly, but working on it. It also lays entirely at her feet what happens, when, and at what level.
I’ve seen a whole series of articles and posts going around talking about what’s required to be a Dom(me). Of course the articles are all about the fact that there simply is not a “one true path” to being a Dom(me) but more of a mindset that you make your own.
There is so much information “out there” that gives rules on what is, and is not, truly fulfilling that role. From what you need to be thinking to how you are with your partners and submissive partners. Needless to say, it’s all bunk. The only way this can work is if you make it your own. There are infinite flavors and infinite ideas on what you may find appealing. Need inspiration? Everything from Fetlife to amazing writers (looking at you Domme Chronicles and so many more) that talk about so many aspects of things to think about.
I’m constantly amazed at how well Charmer has come to know me. I keep thinking I’m getting a handle on managing how I present myself and she spins right around and reads me like a book. I don’t think I’m this big mysterious person, but how she sees me and the ways she responds are on point.
Last weekend I lost my head. There’s really no other way to put it. A whole bunch of stuff from a whole lot of directions was capped off with surprise situation. I came unglued a bit (!) and it made for a very bumpy few days while I tried to back pedal and make up for stupid things going on in my head. The details aren’t important, but then in our writings this week, the question, out of the blue she asked…
Charmer wrote earlier this week (link to the post) about my being a mouthy (in jest) sub and spanking.
We’ve not gotten much into impact play at all to-date (save for a few passing instances). So this was a first. For those of you who already have experienced this, you may be laughing by the end of this post, but I wanted to provide a look at my side of the scene, and the things that both were, and have been, going through my head.
About 3 weeks ago, I’d forgotten a house rule of CFNM. Essentially, I left off the NM part. Charmer came over, leaned down in what seemed like out of the blue and looked me square in the eye. “5 swats.” I didn’t even connect at first what she was talking about. “5 swats for not getting undressed like you’re supposed to.” My mind went into overdrive. First, she’d never done the whole spanking thing, and here I was with an instant 5 swats. Second, CRAP! I forgot to get undressed. and third, whut?! Spanked? I didn’t know, really, what that was like. After the initial wave of panic, I realized that another pressure was setting in. My cage was completely straining. What the hell?
Last week was off just enough to be annoying. None of it huge stuff, but it just added up like life usually does.
We own our own business and our daughter works for us. That’s a good thing for her and for us most of the time. However, when she isn’t happy at work, she has a tendency to come to me rather than Snake. Of course, I work from home and he is in the office. I try to sort things out without interfering (ha!). She wants me to talk to “Dad” and he expects her to behave like an adult and, yeah, you get the picture. So, there was that wonderful employee/family dynamic for a couple of days.
She was also recovering from an ear infection which just added to her unhappiness. And Snake and I were both feeling a bit of a drop from the previous weekend’s activities. Add all of it together and things were just stressful and annoying.
Saturday night we went dancing for a little while and then came home to watch relax with wine and TV. We watched several episodes of Sense8. Still have no real idea of what is going on, but really like it so far. And the rainbow-colored dildo from the first episode? Love it!
Anyway, Snake thought he would try to be pushy about playtime and I told him that he was being mouthy. He jokingly asked me what I was going to do about it. Seriously? I told him that I already owed him 5 swats with the paddle from a couple of weeks back. (I honestly couldn’t remember what he had done, just that I owed him the 5. Apparently it was because he didn’t undress when he came home.) He kept giving me a hard time, and as people following me on Twitter saw, I went off to deal with a mouthy sub.
On a pretty much impromptu decision, we decided we were going to have the weekend night (Friday) free and wanted to have a mini-vacation. We picked one of our favorite spots here in town and managed to get a reservation at the very last minute for one of the rooms that is a separate, stand-alone mini-house/apartment. It has all the features of home, a small kitchen, nice digs. It also has our favorite feature, the terrace.
We’ve been exploring more about sub-space – that place you can get to where the world melts away and all of a sudden the sensations change – often from pain to pleasure, or as we’ve just begun to understand, pleasure to more pleasure.
I had started formulating this post in my head while I was in the shower this morning. It was going to start with lots of silly sexy thoughts and images from yesterday. And I will get to those. But first…
Last night was a further night of setting things straight. As we mentioned in the “reset” post, Charmer decided that things were just not where they needed to be, so she was resetting our D/s and FLR relationship. It included not coming for at least a couple (I suspect longer) of weeks, the chastity cage and some serious attitude adjustments.
Last night, she mentioned that she’d been building up a really strong Domme drive for several days. As we were driving out of the driveway for some things that we had to get done last night, she reached over, grabbed me by my cage and told me that after we got home, I was going to be restrained completely and she was going to torture and have her way with me. She couldn’t tell, but my cage was instantly full.
I had a hard time concentrating while we were out – it seemed like her Domme Eyes ™ were in full use all evening and each chance she had, she reminded me that I’d soon be locked in place for her entertainment. She didn’t disappoint.