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Be Careful What You Wish For

I really should learn not to joke around about things that I’m just not quite certain about at the time.  It may seem like something you wish for at the time in an abstract sense, but it can be extremely intense in reality.  It plants a seed in you that you keep around for later use and it has been known to come back to haunt me a bit in the future on more than one occasion.

“ha ha – wouldn’t it be funny if you…” is a dangerous entry into a charged scene.  Even though it’s a fantasy or even fleeting thought at the time I may mention it, your mind has this ability to grab onto it and take it to the farthest possible extreme.  Sometimes this is good, sometimes it’s a little shocking.

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Batteries, Dom(me)s and Energy

I’ve written quite a lot about my side of things – the power of sub-space, the “buttons” that get pushed for me in this whole thing, etc.  It’s a powerful combination of D/s, kink, our FLR and our overall choices of lifestyle.  But I stumbled too on to an article talking about the possible guilt associated with the /s/ side of things -that someone is always doing “to” you and taking care of you and… and… and…

And prior to all of this, I’ve written both public and private stories for Charmer and the site that talk about the look – and her attitude when she gets in that space – when she’s in Domme mode, not wife mode.  It got me started thinking, then realizing something really important.

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Challenge: To the Edge and Back

Yet another great challenge idea that I wanted to share with you from Charmer’s mind – I’m not sure how she comes up with these, but they are both fun and intense.  We seem to learn something every time too – and I can see the gears turning in her mind on how to make them more difficult (eh, impossible) next time.  [SSC:  No one wants to be in my mind…and of course it will be more challenging next time.]

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Charmer’s Thoughts on the Cage…

Life is interfering with Snake’s blogging… Being a techie nerd, when things fall apart, they tend to take the world with them.  So, he’s busy being brilliant in his real life so I thought that I would write…gasp!

Besides–since he won’t be able to make his deadline on his post, it just gives me lots of delicious opportunities to come up with alternative tasks.  Maybe a story, maybe an extra picture, maybe something completely new. Oh, the ideas running through my head.

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Before You Go…

Every morning, the standard rule is to present myself to you immediately after my shower.  I never really know what to expect of course; that’s part of the game.  At one time, a hug.  At another time, you’d get me just the point of “inflating” and send me on my way.  Many times, it’s marks.

Today was no exception.  You decide you’d make sure everything was well, check the cage, leave behind some teeth impressions.  It’s always just enough to get the rush initiated, but never enough to do any more than that.  To call it wonderfully frustrating might be a good description.  I love these times.

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At the Request of Charmer….

If you follow Snake on Twitter, you might have noticed some pictures and a story that said “Per Charmer’s requirement…” and wondered why I was being so damn pushy…  I thought I might tell you what the new year holds for Snake (and me).

We are heading into our third year of our relationship reboot. (Sorry, nerd)  Our first year was exploring the D/s side of our relationship.  We did a lot of playing with restraints and toys and Snake started wearing his cage.  I’m sure that he can tell you the exact date that he ordered his first one but I would say it was January or February of 2014.

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Impact Play Chronicles, Chapter 2

Still such a noob at this whole impact punishment/play thing.  I feel like every time I set out to be better at it, to own it, Charmer tosses another wrench into things and gets me all kinds of messed up.  [SSC:  I don’t want you getting bored…]

This time was no different.

We’ve sort of settled on a ratio of 10:1 currently.  For every infraction, it’s 10 “impacts” or swats.  She has say on whether that’s increased/decreased, but it seems to work out.

Before this time, I was sitting at 26.  That’s right. 26.  [SSC:  Wouldn’t you think that he’d stop getting them for the same thing?  I think that he secretly likes this.]  That’s at least 260.  I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s a LOT.  The warning I’d received was that we were going to take care of 5 infractions that evening.  I spent the rest of the day going over in my mind how I was going to mentally rush to the corner and just take it.  Show that I can control the response.  Suck it up, as it were.

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That Feeling When She Sinks Down on Me

So, there I was.  Flat on my back, raring to go.  Charmer had that look in her eyes that she was really looking forward to being on top and I have to admit to loving it too.

I love that feeling when she sinks down on me, then just stops and lets things settle.  I look forward to it, consciously, even when we’re apart.  This time was no different.  Except that it was different.  As she lowered herself, my brain was screaming “YES!  Here it comes!”  but my body was reporting in that nothing was going on.

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Another Scrabble Challenge

Snake has been asking about another game.  We haven’t played an official one since the beginning of June so I guess it’s about time to drive him insane again…

The Scrabble tiles are back.  You remember how much he adored them the first time, right?  Scrabble is his favorite board game.  Not.  And that just makes it even more fun for me.

The last time that we did a Scrabble game, he was earning points.  We haven’t been doing the points lately so the rules have to change.   So, instead of points, we are playing for days.  To be precise, the number of days before he will be allowed an orgasm.   His beginning date is December 18th so a week from today.  He will be playing to see if he moves the date forward or backward…

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What Is It About Denial/Control Anyway?

More often than not, when I am talking with someone about all this stuff we do, the conversation comes around to why denial would be something that would OK.  Or, more accurately in our own case, “control” – neither of us are really into outright denial, but rather control and limited “release.”  [SSC:  Or rather, limits for you…]   So many times people have talked to me and as we talk through it, they just have this bewildered look on their face.

Let’s face it, commonly it’s all about the “O” (hopefully for both parties) and it’s a race to get there.  To change that up and completely manage or control, often without allowing one at a given time at all, is just a foreign concept.  Add to that that many times I will pass on the opportunity willingly – and you get some really funny comments and feedback.

“But why?  Why would you do this?”

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Two Years…

Snake and I have been talking that we are about at our two year kinkiversary.  No, we don’t have an exact date because like most other things in our life, we just decided to make a change and did it.  We’re the poster children for snap decisions–which, in most cases, turn out to be the right ones.

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Wait. What?

[SSC:  Just a warning….I was laughing so hard that I almost fell out of my chair when I was reading this.  So fair warning:  strap in…]

I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie “Inside Out” from Disney/Pixar – but if not, you may want to check it out.  (Here’s a link to the trailer for context, it’s short and important for this post) It’s hysterically funny, and at the same time, shows the conversations that happen in our respective brains as life moves forward.

I had this type of conversation happen to me with Charmer and the only way I could describe it was in terms of the movie – for future reference, the characters in my head that were involved were:

  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Joy

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Who’s Watching the Watchers?

The communication gamification post the other day prompted some nice comments, but one in particular has stuck with me all week.  Trying to figure out how to explain a bit more about our dynamic (Charmer and Mine) and how it all works, without hanging her (or the commenter) out to dry.

Some background first that might help – Charmer and I have been married for a loooooooooong time.  Like nearly 30 years.  Together for even longer.  [SSC:  You mean we didn’t get married before we dated?]   In that time, we’ve developed a pretty solid relationship, we’ve been through some really incredibly great highs and lows that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  OK, perhaps that’s not entirely true, I actually would like to wish some of them on my worst enemy, but that sounds bad, so I’ll just leave it at that.  [SSC:  For the record, I would totally wish them on him.]

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TIL: Attitudinal Cycles and Subbie Head-Space

Almost makes it sound scholarly, yes?  “Attitudinal” – basically how to keep your head on straight when you have the chance to see how orgasms can impact your attitude.

My personal sweet spot is that span of time when subbie-mindset is in full swing and at the same time, I’m climbing the walls wanting to get playtime with Charmer.  [SSC:  Is there ever a time when that isn’t the case?  I don’t remember any but they say that the mind is the first thing to go.]  But I’ve come to learn too that that’s indeed impacted by those times when I’m allowed to have an orgasm, vs. those times when I’m denied.

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Continuing to Learn About Myself, Feeling a Bit Like a Puppet

It’s really strange to be “my age” and be learning big things about yourself.  Sure, no one likes to stop learning and I hope that it never happens, but to be having these pretty surprising things come up over and over again is pretty cool and remarkable.

We’re wrapping up our time in Vegas – a mini-vacation as we head into what will surely be a great time of year for us and the family, but will just as surely be a stressful one.  It’s great to get away and goof off and just relax a bit.  Hey, I even won $14.50 today on a slot machine.  Can’t complain.

You may be tired of having me write about O-control and what I learn, but this stuff, to me, is bordering on epiphany stuff.  During this time in Vegas, Charmer has been messing with me in all sorts of ways.  The first night out alone she flipped the “me, not you” switch and enforced the denial portion of our dynamic.  But something is changing and this was the first time I’d seen this in myself.

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On Being Horngry

Denial and orgasm control are funny things.  With a cage, enforced chastity becomes a thing of power exchange and control.  She holds the power to grant or deny orgasms, period.  Yes, I realize it doesn’t *require* a cage, but I can tell you in times when the “game is afoot,” it sure makes things more clear.

I had a weird experience this last weekend in terms of learning to work through this whole control and power exchange thing we do.  We’d had a great day on Saturday, a lazy, relaxing evening and were just basically lounging around doing nothing in particular.  [SSC:  I was, however, sitting in a tight pair of jeans and knee-high boots that were driving him a little crazy.]   When we did retire for the evening, Charmer decided to punish me for being to suggestive throughout the day.  I was pretty surprised by this – but I couldn’t honestly tell if it was punishment, excuse or teasing.  Turns out it was more teasing than anything, but it sure worked.

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What the F*ck is Wrong with Me?

That’s what I ended up asking Charmer at the end of our time together over the weekend.  It was about 4:30a, and we’d just been through a very intense time together.

Let me rewind a bit.

She’d been accumulating infractions and been teasing the idea of trying out some of her new implements that she’d had me order.   A couple of paddle-type implements, a crop, a strap and even a cat-o-nine tails.   She’d done research and found these were a good cross-section of different implements and that each had different, well, impact.  [SSC:  Side note:  We had also just rocked our first serious solo dance performance in front of friends and family. ]  After binge-watching a few shows earlier in the evening, it came to after midnight and she told me to go get things ready for her.

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Sinful Sunday #8 — Contradictions

This idea came from a conversation that I had with a friend yesterday.  I mentioned that I wasn’t very exciting, not in a poor-me way, but in a this-is-just-my-life way.  She came back that I was so many different things and boring wasn’t one of them.  She listed mom, business owner, and dancer.  I didn’t really think about it again until our initial idea for the picture for today didn’t work out.

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Can’t, Won’t, Don’t Wanna and Fear of the Unknown

Over at the Male Chastity Journal, Lion wrote about “Can’t and Won’t” – and specifically how enforced chastity has applied to their lives.  I thought it was really interesting to see the distinction between the two… and it got me thinking about how many things I’ve personally seen go from can’t to won’t to can to simply “yes, please.”  It’s a different view on Can’t and Won’t, but it’s just how my brain works. 🙂

While this doesn’t apply only to enforced chastity, when Charmer and I started our journey, we sheepishly stumbled into chastity and I read up all I could.  I tore through Thumper’s blog and I’m Hers and so many others.  I read and studied (sorry, it’s what I do) and tried to learn what was fantasy, what was real.  [SSC:  Yes, believe me, he did.  I think he would have done a report with citations if he thought that I would have read it. ]  I wondered if it was really possible chastity and this new approach to being a couple could really have the impact these blogs talk about.

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The Song That Kept Looping Through My Brain…

As most of you know, Snake has been caged and chaste since July 23rd.  I decided that he needed an extended period of time locked to put him back into his subby mindset.  He wrote about it here.  Since then, he has one ruined and quite a bit of playtime with me on him, but no orgasms.  The earliest date that he was going to be allowed to come was September 7th, but because of circumstances, last night was *the night*.

It started off as a pretty average Wednesday night around here.  We went to our dance lesson, which we rocked, came home and had dinner and I had a bath.  After the last two nights of being denied, I’m pretty sure that he was expecting it again last night.  Have to keep the boy guessing…

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Sub-Blocked

All day she’d been teasing me, telling me that that night she’d be exercising her Domme side, something I was really looking forward to and, since it’d been so long since we’d had time to ourselves, I was also a bit anxious about just what that would be.  We’ve recently decided to up the ante quite a lot on our D/s relationship and the FLR side as well.  Something I’ve been working through, not perfectly, but working on it.  It also lays entirely at her feet what happens, when, and at what level.

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6.5 Things You MUST Do As A Submissive

I’ve seen a whole series of articles and posts going around talking about what’s required to be a Dom(me).  Of course the articles are all about the fact that there simply is not a “one true path” to being a Dom(me) but more of a mindset that you make your own.

There is so much information “out there” that gives rules on what is, and is not, truly fulfilling that role.  From what you need to be thinking to how you are with your partners and submissive partners.  Needless to say, it’s all bunk.  The only way this can work is if you make it your own. There are infinite flavors and infinite ideas on what you may find appealing.  Need inspiration?  Everything from Fetlife to amazing writers (looking at you Domme Chronicles and so many more) that talk about so many aspects of things to think about.

But that’s not what this post is about.

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Rising and Falling Submissive Headspace

I’m constantly amazed at how well Charmer has come to know me.  I keep thinking I’m getting a handle on managing how I present myself and she spins right around and reads me like a book.  I don’t think I’m this big mysterious person, but how she sees me and the ways she responds are on point.

Last weekend I lost my head.  There’s really no other way to put it.  A whole bunch of stuff from a whole lot of directions was capped off with surprise situation.  I came unglued a bit (!) and it made for a very bumpy few days while I tried to back pedal and make up for stupid things going on in my head.  The details aren’t important, but then in our writings this week, the question, out of the blue she asked…

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Mouthy Subs and Spankings

Last week was off just enough to be annoying.  None of it huge stuff, but it just added up like life usually does.

We own our own business and our daughter works for us.  That’s a good thing for her and for us most of the time.  However, when she isn’t happy at work, she has a tendency to come to me rather than Snake.  Of course, I work from home and he is in the office.  I try to sort things out without interfering (ha!).  She wants me to talk to “Dad” and he expects her to behave like an adult and, yeah, you get the picture.  So, there was that wonderful employee/family dynamic for a couple of days.

She was also recovering from an ear infection which just added to her unhappiness.  And Snake and I were both feeling a bit of a drop from the previous weekend’s activities.  Add all of it together and things were just stressful and annoying.

Saturday night we went dancing for a little while and then came home to watch relax with wine and TV.  We watched several episodes of Sense8.  Still have no real idea of what is going on, but really like it so far.  And the rainbow-colored dildo from the first episode?  Love it!

Anyway, Snake thought he would try to be pushy about playtime and I told him that he was being mouthy.  He jokingly asked me what I was going to do about it.  Seriously?  I told him that I already owed him 5 swats with the paddle from a couple of weeks back.  (I honestly couldn’t remember what he had done, just that I owed him the 5.  Apparently it was because he didn’t undress when he came home.)   He kept giving me a hard time, and as people following me on Twitter saw, I went off to deal with a mouthy sub.

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