Category Archives: D/s

Chastity, D/s

Player Substitution

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Snake has been completely overwhelmed by work this week.  His Muggle life is very busy on a regular basis since we own our own business, but this week has included an event that just pushed everything even more.  Adding to our usual dance classes, stuff around the house and his father trying to make him feel guilty and he just hasn’t had time to post.  So I thought I’d give everyone a quick update.

His PA is healing so well that he is making me jealous.  When I got my belly button pierced, it got infected and it was six months before I was supposed to change the jewelry.  In my daily inspection of the PA, I can see that it is really already healed.  Excluding a couple of times that the ring got turned sideways, he hasn’t had any discomfort in over a week.  And today is the two week mark.

His Steelheart has shipped and should be here very soon.  We figured out that he has been in some sort of chastity device since December 2013 with just a few breaks for trips.  He’s really noticing the “off” feeling of being free while he’s been healing and is definitely looking forward to getting locked up again.  I told him that he had to strip when he was home and no one else was around to try to get some of the subby feelings back.  It has helped but it just isn’t the same.  But, even when he is locked up again, I decided the clothes-free zone will continue.  It gives me more opportunities to play…

Watching his dad work his way through getting older, we have decided that we will never get old.  We might get older, but we will continue to try new things and be adventurous.  We know that his stepmom quilts a lot and loves to bake.  We have no idea what his dad does all day.  Other than nap.  And apparently wait for Snake  to come for lunch once a week.  Snake cancelled on them, for one of the first times ever, due to work.  Snake could just feel the waves of disappointment from them.

They are snowbirds and we are their winter home.  After Snake’s mom died, his dad married someone he had known since high school.  She had stayed there and he had a house here.  They decided to split their time in the different climates.  During the “summer” half, they have friends who are all retired.  They can go to each other’s houses and eat pie and chat every night.  We have jobs and other commitments.  It makes them feel ignored because sitting in a circle and eating pie while talking constantly is not our thing and not possible with life and responsibilities we have.

We also won’t go to church with them.  His father never went until he remarried but now has decided that his greatest failure was not instilling this in his children.   Snake is one of the most moral people I have ever met.  We’re just not religious.  Church has become their thing.  I respect that.  He just doesn’t respect that it isn’t ours.  Our daughter went to visit them about a year and a half ago.  They took her to their church where the entire sermon was about how young people need to go to church and be part of that community.  She was the only person under 50 in the place.  It certainly wasn’t directed at her.  🙂

I often wonder how Snake came from his family.  He is more liberal than when we first met but his parents were prudes.  I came from the family where just about anything was ok as long as you paid your own way and didn’t hurt anyone.  Snake’s mother redacted the book “Airport” before he could read it because “the sex scenes didn’t add anything to the plot.”  My mother let me read anything and just told me to ask questions if I didn’t understand something. Snake’s dad gave him a talk about STDs and told him to “keep it zipped.”  My mom took me to get on the pill. It’s a wonder I didn’t fry Snake’s brain more than I did when we started dating.

You can just imagine the reactions that our daughter has gotten from his family at large to her piercings, tattoos and sexual “phase” (she’s bi, must be a “phase” according to them).  You would think we had raised the next Hannibal at the beginning.  🙂  I think there is hope for them, though.  They have started spending time with her alone and I think they have realized that she is really epic.  I just don’t think Snake will be sharing news of his PA anytime soon.

I guess all of that is really to say that I have an amazing husband.  He takes care of his parents, he takes care of his children, he takes care of me and he takes care of his employees.  We are best friends, business partners and kinky lovers. The more we push, the more we want to do.  And we’ll leave the getting old and naps to other people.

Chastity, D/s

For the Win

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Just to put it out there–I am competitive.  I can hear Snake snorting while he reads this because if there is an overly competitive person in this relationship, it is me.

I’ve never been sporty so I’ve always had to find other outlets.  School was easy.  I became Valedictorian to win.  If Snake and I have ridiculous arguments, they are usually having to do with winning.  In college, the game Othello almost ended our relationship several times because I could never win that stupid game.  Even now, my family tries to ply me with alcohol for a chance to win You Don’t Know Jack.

Snake and I took up dancing as an empty nest social activity.  We wanted to learn to dance so we could go out and feel comfortable.  No, we don’t want to compete.  Yeah, right.  Less than four months in I had started plotting competitions and shows.  And, of course, it isn’t just one dance.  It is six different ones and a group piece.  I never do things slowly.

The point of all of this is the sexual side of things.  I am constantly competing with myself.  I edged him x number of times last week so I want more this week.  If I can ruin one orgasm, can I ruin three?  (Yes, I can.)  It’s always more, better, faster, longer with me.

Not that Snake is without his own competitiveness.  If I have fewer orgasms in one session, he always wants to know if he did something wrong or could do something better.  And he pushes his limits with me as well.

Before he decided to get his PA, Snake did enough research to become an expert on everything except how he himself would react.  It was planned for the end of the week so he wouldn’t have problems at work and a Steelheart was ordered so it would arrive about the end of his healing period.  Everyone said it would be about four weeks to heal.  So, of course, he had to do better than that.  🙂

As he has written, he had very little pain or bleeding.  It also wasn’t tender at all.  So, on Friday, I thought I’d play a little.  He tried to distract me, but that never works when I’m on a mission.  To his surprise and my glee, it not only didn’t hurt but felt really good.  Good enough that he got his orgasm about three weeks earlier than he thought he would.

Not that he should get his hopes up that anything has really changed for his chastity.  But, Friday night, I won.

D/s

Well, I didn’t die.

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I suppose there’s that.

Just an update on the healing process for the PA – I have been liking waking up with the lovely morning wood, but have had a couple of rather odd experiences.  One related directly to that, the other, well, you’ll see.

On the healing front, things have been… sensitive.  It’s almost like a very bruised type of feeling, but I attribute it not to the piercing process itself, but the ring torquing things around.  I mentioned that the ring is larger than I expected, and I suspect it sits funny during the normal course of the day.  In this time getting used to that, it can make things pretty sensitive (like a deep itch or bruise) and at times a bit like pinching.

I don’t have any worries about something being wrong; truly just think things are healing (no redness, no infection, no other issues).  But it’s annoying at times.

The other night though… wow.  I woke up to the sensation of my penis being wrenched around.  It was the first night that I’d messed up and ended up sleeping on my stomach.  I woke up to this pain that was pretty sharp.  Of course, you don’t think very clearly when you’re asleep, so my mind immediately went to “OMIGOD, I’m going to have that bifurcated penis thing the piercer was joking around about!  I’m going to die from this piercing!”

As I came awake, I grabbed my crotch, exclaiming and panicking.  Of course Charmer was consoling me too – and wondering what had just happened.  It hurt.  Pretty badly!

I grabbed hold of things, headed to the bathroom to see the damage.  I had clearly caught the ring on something or torn something, so needed to see what I had to do now.

When I got to the bathroom and looked…

Nothing.

Not one damn thing.

Not even a red spot.

WTF?  I was in serious pain here.  Then, as my brain fog started to lift, I realized that it actually didn’t hurt much any more.  I must have just put pressure on it wrong.  My brain registered it as “the world is ending!”  and proceeded to wake me (and Charmer) up out of our slumber.

I couldn’t believe it.  I was embarrassed, aggravated and wide awake, as was Charmer.  Sigh.

Things are good, the healing is coming right along.  Of course Charmer is taking every opportunity to point out that “Gee, it’s too bad you’re healing, we’ll just have to hold off on your play time, but that doesn’t mean *I* can’t play!”

Right you are, Charmer.  Right you are.

D/s

Glimpses of Sub-Space

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I was surprised to learn that sub-space is a visible thing – I didn’t realize it until Charmer mentioned it in relation to a picture post she’d found.

I thought it was more mental, more in my head.  To think that you can see it.  Yikes. This whole thing really is a “laid bare” kind of relationship.  I think that’s a big piece of D/s — being OK doing that.  The letting go.  I think it’s required as part of it all, but I didn’t really expect it to be so clear or perceptible.

If you think about it, about BDSM, about FLR, it’s all about trust and releasing (or taking) control.  Yeah, yeah.  I realize it’s about power exchange.  But it’s more than that.  I never considered how it would be mental, physical and the combination.  I think those are really three different things.

I see the mental as willingness and the FLR changes in lifestyle.  I see the physical as trusting and being open to new ideas, new things and letting her completely drive all the different aspects of that, often in playtime, but at other times too.  And it can’t be “some” or “up to a point” (safewords aside), it has to be all-in. If it’s not, boundaries can’t be pushed, the Domme can’t be doing what she wants, etc.

But the “combination” is where the magic has proven to be.  When the physical is combined with the mental – things that we’ve found we like, things where she combines the sensations and D/s and control and such.  Those are beyond anything I thought possible.  I think that “combination” space is Sub-Space, especially when it’s deep and complete.

THAT is incredible.  I’ve also seen that she sees and feels similar things herself when I am there.  I see it in her eyes, her actions, her care.  Her attitude changes, her approach is different.  She is both really into it, and experiencing it at the same time.  It’s pretty amazing.

I feel so lucky to have us going down this road to discovering these things.

~SteeledSnake