Many thanks for The Chaste Cyclist for pointing in our direction for this award – we both really appreciate it! I like these awareness campaigns – you never know when you’re missing a blog and it’s great to read about blogs that everyone is reading.
Sinful Sunday #9 – Come Sit Next to Me
I never know quite what to expect from Charmer. It could be time to relax on the couch and catch up on some great shows, or could be, something much more intense. Once she decides though, it is pretty clear. 🙂 Let the games begin!
Can’t, Won’t, Don’t Wanna and Fear of the Unknown
Over at the Male Chastity Journal, Lion wrote about “Can’t and Won’t” – and specifically how enforced chastity has applied to their lives. I thought it was really interesting to see the distinction between the two… and it got me thinking about how many things I’ve personally seen go from can’t to won’t to can to simply “yes, please.” It’s a different view on Can’t and Won’t, but it’s just how my brain works. 🙂
While this doesn’t apply only to enforced chastity, when Charmer and I started our journey, we sheepishly stumbled into chastity and I read up all I could. I tore through Thumper’s blog and I’m Hers and so many others. I read and studied (sorry, it’s what I do) and tried to learn what was fantasy, what was real. [SSC: Yes, believe me, he did. I think he would have done a report with citations if he thought that I would have read it. ] I wondered if it was really possible chastity and this new approach to being a couple could really have the impact these blogs talk about.
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Sub-Blocked
All day she’d been teasing me, telling me that that night she’d be exercising her Domme side, something I was really looking forward to and, since it’d been so long since we’d had time to ourselves, I was also a bit anxious about just what that would be. We’ve recently decided to up the ante quite a lot on our D/s relationship and the FLR side as well. Something I’ve been working through, not perfectly, but working on it. It also lays entirely at her feet what happens, when, and at what level.
Sinful Sunday #6 – Sweet Nothings Out for Dinner
It’s all about the private tease. We went out to dinner knowing that she was wearing only this. It took WAY too long to eat dinner. 🙂
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6.5 Things You MUST Do As A Submissive
I’ve seen a whole series of articles and posts going around talking about what’s required to be a Dom(me). Of course the articles are all about the fact that there simply is not a “one true path” to being a Dom(me) but more of a mindset that you make your own.
There is so much information “out there” that gives rules on what is, and is not, truly fulfilling that role. From what you need to be thinking to how you are with your partners and submissive partners. Needless to say, it’s all bunk. The only way this can work is if you make it your own. There are infinite flavors and infinite ideas on what you may find appealing. Need inspiration? Everything from Fetlife to amazing writers (looking at you Domme Chronicles and so many more) that talk about so many aspects of things to think about.
But that’s not what this post is about.
Sinful Sunday – A Favorite Tease
I really love the way this turned out. From the color mixes to the angle and the “almost there” tease and more. We had a lot of fun working through all sorts of angles and options. I love her “after” hair and one of my favorite things of all time is always stealing one of my shirts…
Sinful Sunday #2 – A Changing Dynamic
So many changes in this new phase of our lives together. The PA, the cage, our personal life reboot. As we work to get better at “us” we have found so many excellent people, experiences and just plain fun!
Rising and Falling Submissive Headspace
I’m constantly amazed at how well Charmer has come to know me. I keep thinking I’m getting a handle on managing how I present myself and she spins right around and reads me like a book. I don’t think I’m this big mysterious person, but how she sees me and the ways she responds are on point.
Last weekend I lost my head. There’s really no other way to put it. A whole bunch of stuff from a whole lot of directions was capped off with surprise situation. I came unglued a bit (!) and it made for a very bumpy few days while I tried to back pedal and make up for stupid things going on in my head. The details aren’t important, but then in our writings this week, the question, out of the blue she asked…
First Spanking Experience – /s/ Point of View
Charmer wrote earlier this week (link to the post) about my being a mouthy (in jest) sub and spanking.
We’ve not gotten much into impact play at all to-date (save for a few passing instances). So this was a first. For those of you who already have experienced this, you may be laughing by the end of this post, but I wanted to provide a look at my side of the scene, and the things that both were, and have been, going through my head.
About 3 weeks ago, I’d forgotten a house rule of CFNM. Essentially, I left off the NM part. Charmer came over, leaned down in what seemed like out of the blue and looked me square in the eye. “5 swats.” I didn’t even connect at first what she was talking about. “5 swats for not getting undressed like you’re supposed to.” My mind went into overdrive. First, she’d never done the whole spanking thing, and here I was with an instant 5 swats. Second, CRAP! I forgot to get undressed. and third, whut?! Spanked? I didn’t know, really, what that was like. After the initial wave of panic, I realized that another pressure was setting in. My cage was completely straining. What the hell?
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Sex on the Terrace
On a pretty much impromptu decision, we decided we were going to have the weekend night (Friday) free and wanted to have a mini-vacation. We picked one of our favorite spots here in town and managed to get a reservation at the very last minute for one of the rooms that is a separate, stand-alone mini-house/apartment. It has all the features of home, a small kitchen, nice digs. It also has our favorite feature, the terrace.
Exploring Sub-Space – Pain and Pleasure
We’ve been exploring more about sub-space – that place you can get to where the world melts away and all of a sudden the sensations change – often from pain to pleasure, or as we’ve just begun to understand, pleasure to more pleasure.
Mashup: D/s, Flirting, Getting the Stink-Eye and More
We had a pretty laid-back weekend, and, as is Charmer’s style, that meant that we also had lots of time to flirt and play. Again, I’ve learned new things about myself.
While we were lounging around on Saturday, for example, I found out that I have a smell when I’m denied and lookin’ for love. What? A smell? Talk about giving me a complex. She was just laying on my leg and grinning and I asked about what – she let me know. She liked the smell. Not like it was overwhelming (she says) or anything like that, just a pleasant sweet smell. I told her I was just pushing out pheromones to try to entice her into bed any way I could muster.
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She Got Her Domme On…
Last night was a further night of setting things straight. As we mentioned in the “reset” post, Charmer decided that things were just not where they needed to be, so she was resetting our D/s and FLR relationship. It included not coming for at least a couple (I suspect longer) of weeks, the chastity cage and some serious attitude adjustments.
Last night, she mentioned that she’d been building up a really strong Domme drive for several days. As we were driving out of the driveway for some things that we had to get done last night, she reached over, grabbed me by my cage and told me that after we got home, I was going to be restrained completely and she was going to torture and have her way with me. She couldn’t tell, but my cage was instantly full.
I had a hard time concentrating while we were out – it seemed like her Domme Eyes ™ were in full use all evening and each chance she had, she reminded me that I’d soon be locked in place for her entertainment. She didn’t disappoint.
FLR and D/s Course Correction Underway
I’ve been a busy snake of late.
With the game, the challenge prior to that, and Charmer’s good nature, I’ve been allowed orgasms on a very regular basis – sometimes to the point of torture (at least with ruined orgasms). You can read more about those in the other posts, but suffice to say, it’s been fun.
But…
Review: GearEssentials Ball Weights
I recently ordered and received the GearEssentials Ball Weight – I thought I’d share my experiences with them and provide some information about things I’ve learned in using it.
Scrabble Game Results
I don’t know if I mentioned it or not, but I really don’t like Scrabble. My brain fixates on letters (regardless of whether they make words or not) and I have a really hard time making anything more out of them. I can take FOREVER to come up with words. Like to the point where I think people start to leave to get beverages waiting. [SSC: No. We finish beverages, make more and sometimes finish those.] It’s not pretty.
Before I get into the results, you can play along if you like. Remember the challenge rules (here’s a link) – and then here are the letters I selected from the magical bag of Scrabble tiles:
The Power of Chastity, Orgasm Control
I was reading Thumper’s post today about “High Anxiety” and it really struck a nerve. A good nerve. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the impact of chastity and giving over control. Even with my recent issues with Edema, my mindset is still one of her controlling the whole orgasm side of things. I just wouldn’t have it any other way. We’ll get the device issues sorted.
He also talks about increasing concerns when Thumper and Belle are apart. I’m not a fan of anxiety, not at all, but this is an artifact of an intense and excellent relationship. All IMHO of course, but I wanted to throw my hat in the ring on his post because I feel many very similar things going on in my head/life/relationship and his post really gave my thoughts “legs. ”
Update on the Prince Albert Piercing (2 months)
It’s been 2 months now since the Prince Albert (PA) piercing. Wanted to offer a quick update and information about what we’ve learned.
First, it’s great. That’s it. You can stop reading here if you’d like. But know that I really like it and how it’s healed and such.
Second, as my first piercing (and only piercing), I’ve had to learn all the things that anyone with a piercing already knows.
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Memorial Day Weekend Game – Results
It was quite the game – if you missed it, Charmer decided that I would have to “perform” for her to earn points, and if I didn’t make the goal, I would lose points.
Our points are associated with a game we’ve created that assigns points to different activities. Those points are used to determine whether I’m eligible for (but doesn’t obligate Charmer to have) playtime. Since she makes the call anyway, it’s really just my eligibility. I have to maintain a 1750 point value over the last 14 days (recalculated daily) in order to be eligible. Points get awarded for challenges (like this specific game) or things like wearing plugs (different points for different sizes), etc.
The Legend of Orgasm Control
Back before I’d really started seriously into this lifestyle of FLR and Chastity with Charmer, I had read about people that had figured out how to control their orgasms (from the guy’s perspective). I thought it was fascinating.
I also thought it was the stuff of fantasy. No way.
We had be going at it for nearly an hour now. She’d managed to come several times and we were a hot, sweaty mess of lust. We have a standing rule that I can’t come, unless she says so, and I can’t ask. So she was using me, making me her toy, and I was there just for her.
Yeah. Right.
What Makes FLR Work?
FLR (Female-Led Relationship, or FLM Female-Led Marriage) is essentially a power exchange arrangement. I have thought a lot (probably too much) about why this is cool, why it pushes buttons for people, what they get out of it, etc.
Aside from the power trip of being in charge, why is this associated with sexual control too? I realize that most FLR sites are going to tell you that FLR isn’t about sexual stuff. It’s about being in charge, being in control, etc. But the fact is, many guys crave it. Many relationships thrive with it. Have you thought about why?
Realities of Chastity: Dealing with Edema
I’ve been fighting a battle with edema for about 3 weeks now. Ever since I really fully healed from the PA, it’s been a problem. I don’t believe it’s a PA issue though, but that was my first thought.
Edema happens when the chastity cage “traps” fluids – with the case of chastity cages specifically, it’s swelling that is in your penis, from what I’ve seen, it’s usually on the underside, towards the head. It’s not like a really “full” swelling – for me at least and those I’ve been able to read up on (which is surprisingly scarce online), it’s more of a 25-50% full kind of thing, so it’s like loose skin with fluid in it.
But it’s not a good thing – apparently it can lead to complications – I won’t go into it much here, because that’s not the point of this post. Suffice to say that you should figure it out and deal with it.
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Fear of Porn
I saw this article on the Independent that talked about Porn and Video Game Addiction – and how it’s leading to a masculinity crisis. No, really. That’s the premise of the article.
This is all sorts of wrong. But first, the basics.
FLR in Daily Life
It can be tough to sustain any number of these lifestyle changes that we collectively write about in the “kink” world. I look around and it’s impossible not to see the blog carnage from those who start, then get swept up in life.
I think one of the things that we turn to some of these “activities” for (certainly chastity and FLR) is to reclaim our life a bit. We can all get so stuck in life that we run out of time. It seems that one of the first things to be sacrificed is our love life, our partner. We are in this together, so let’s stay busy on life to get through it… – but this can lead to giving up time and attention that relationships need.