Yet another great challenge idea that I wanted to share with you from Charmer’s mind – I’m not sure how she comes up with these, but they are both fun and intense. We seem to learn something every time too – and I can see the gears turning in her mind on how to make them more difficult (eh, impossible) next time. [SSC: No one wants to be in my mind…and of course it will be more challenging next time.]
Day 1 – Soaking
I’m tempted to say this is Charmer in her natural state. In the bath, relaxing, reading, and yes, tweeting. It’s a reset time of day for us both – her for getting away, me for resetting and getting things shut down and ready for the next day.
Ah, Leg Warmers!
I’m a pretty old-fashioned guy on many things – and one of them is leg warmers. I love them. Charmer will be the first to tell you that she “used” them as the initial way to get my attention (I believe she said “reel him in”) – it still works to this day.
Before You Go…
Every morning, the standard rule is to present myself to you immediately after my shower. I never really know what to expect of course; that’s part of the game. At one time, a hug. At another time, you’d get me just the point of “inflating” and send me on my way. Many times, it’s marks.
Today was no exception. You decide you’d make sure everything was well, check the cage, leave behind some teeth impressions. It’s always just enough to get the rush initiated, but never enough to do any more than that. To call it wonderfully frustrating might be a good description. I love these times.
Sinful Sunday #25 – See What I Get to Put Up With?
Charmer is always, always about the tease and control. I snapped this when she wasn’t looking just to give you a flavor and got permission to share it with you. See what I (get to) put up with? She loves to mess with me and give me little glimpses just as we “have to” head out the door. It’s a tough life. 🙂
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Objectification
When I walk in the door on Friday afternoon, you’re there to greet me. You have the grin on your face. The one that says you’re plotting and scheming and are in a place where you’re interested in one thing only – getting your way.
As I walk in you put your finger on my lips softly to shush me. You take my things, put them on the floor and proceed to undress me.
Impact Play Chronicles, Chapter 2
Still such a noob at this whole impact punishment/play thing. I feel like every time I set out to be better at it, to own it, Charmer tosses another wrench into things and gets me all kinds of messed up. [SSC: I don’t want you getting bored…]
This time was no different.
We’ve sort of settled on a ratio of 10:1 currently. For every infraction, it’s 10 “impacts” or swats. She has say on whether that’s increased/decreased, but it seems to work out.
Before this time, I was sitting at 26. That’s right. 26. [SSC: Wouldn’t you think that he’d stop getting them for the same thing? I think that he secretly likes this.] That’s at least 260. I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s a LOT. The warning I’d received was that we were going to take care of 5 infractions that evening. I spent the rest of the day going over in my mind how I was going to mentally rush to the corner and just take it. Show that I can control the response. Suck it up, as it were.
That Feeling When She Sinks Down on Me
So, there I was. Flat on my back, raring to go. Charmer had that look in her eyes that she was really looking forward to being on top and I have to admit to loving it too.
I love that feeling when she sinks down on me, then just stops and lets things settle. I look forward to it, consciously, even when we’re apart. This time was no different. Except that it was different. As she lowered herself, my brain was screaming “YES! Here it comes!” but my body was reporting in that nothing was going on.
Sinful Sunday #23 – Caught Cat-Napping
I have to say, I love this picture because it reminds me of a cat – snoozing in the sun from the window, completely relaxed, oblivious to the world. It’s one of Charmer’s favorite things – lounging in the sun (usually reading) and kicked back relaxing. The only thing better are her soaking baths, perhaps a topic for future images. 🙂
Sinful Sunday 21 – Nekkid Cuppa
As we were doing a shoot for a future post, I snapped this and thought we’d share – dang, that’s a big cup, eh? Sometimes a shot is just fun and you have to share. 🙂
2015 – Getting Our Feet Planted
If you ever talk with Charmer, you’ll see that she despises the end of year stuff of doing “a look back” and talking about what’s happened over the course of the year. The news programs will spout about things that happened, shows will talk about guests they had, etc. Drives her a bit crazy. [SSC: Very true. They ignore everything happening now for minutiae and interviews with the stars who made headlines this year. I don’t care about the 15 strangest baby names of the stars this year…]
But here I am. 2015 was a big deal for us because we learned a LOT about us. A lot about how we approach this thing we do. Specifically, our FLR has taken pretty strong hold at this point. I love that it’s not in a fantasy way, although I know you’ll be happy to know that it’s rare that she’s not walking around in black leather with a bullwhip while I dust. (Kidding) [SSC: How else would I get the dusting done?] We’ve found some interesting things that work well for us – I’ve written before about different ways we communicate in different scenarios.
Sinful Sunday – All Wrapped Up (Or Unwrapped) for the Holidays
Choices, choices. Do we wrap presents, or UNwrap presents?
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What Is It About Denial/Control Anyway?
More often than not, when I am talking with someone about all this stuff we do, the conversation comes around to why denial would be something that would OK. Or, more accurately in our own case, “control” – neither of us are really into outright denial, but rather control and limited “release.” [SSC: Or rather, limits for you…] So many times people have talked to me and as we talk through it, they just have this bewildered look on their face.
Let’s face it, commonly it’s all about the “O” (hopefully for both parties) and it’s a race to get there. To change that up and completely manage or control, often without allowing one at a given time at all, is just a foreign concept. Add to that that many times I will pass on the opportunity willingly – and you get some really funny comments and feedback.
“But why? Why would you do this?”
Playing with Color… and Fire
Love a great mix of leather and lace – so much fun. Definitely playing with fire. 🙂
Wait. What?
[SSC: Just a warning….I was laughing so hard that I almost fell out of my chair when I was reading this. So fair warning: strap in…]
I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie “Inside Out” from Disney/Pixar – but if not, you may want to check it out. (Here’s a link to the trailer for context, it’s short and important for this post) It’s hysterically funny, and at the same time, shows the conversations that happen in our respective brains as life moves forward.
I had this type of conversation happen to me with Charmer and the only way I could describe it was in terms of the movie – for future reference, the characters in my head that were involved were:
- Fear
- Anger
- Joy
Crossing the Streams – and Turtling
I have a fairly public persona that we actively protect when it comes to stuff “here” and “there.” It drives me a little nuts. When both of your personas are almost entirely online, not getting any kind of bread crumb between the two of them is, if we’re being honest, nearly impossible.
A slipped reference, a missed login… and, if we’re going to get technical, even speech patterns and style suggests enough, over time, to draw lines.
I hate that it’s a problem. I have to actively change my writing style. I have to work to use different browsers for different types of work. I have to hide my phone, then encrypt it, then password it, then put locks on applications that then prompt for logins. It’s absolutely ridiculous.
This whole thing of anonymity and not crossing the streams is just over-the-top silly.
Sinful Sunday 15 – The Ties That Bind
Charmer and I have a fantastic history and have experienced some of the biggest extremes in life – the highs and lows – and when we were taking shots for today’s Sinful Sunday, all I could think of (OK, I’ll be honest, it’s not “all I could think of,” let’s be real), was how all of these threads and ties and life-hooks have brought us to today. And how this was very symbolic of that!
Who’s Watching the Watchers?
The communication gamification post the other day prompted some nice comments, but one in particular has stuck with me all week. Trying to figure out how to explain a bit more about our dynamic (Charmer and Mine) and how it all works, without hanging her (or the commenter) out to dry.
Some background first that might help – Charmer and I have been married for a loooooooooong time. Like nearly 30 years. Together for even longer. [SSC: You mean we didn’t get married before we dated?] In that time, we’ve developed a pretty solid relationship, we’ve been through some really incredibly great highs and lows that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. OK, perhaps that’s not entirely true, I actually would like to wish some of them on my worst enemy, but that sounds bad, so I’ll just leave it at that. [SSC: For the record, I would totally wish them on him.]
Communication Gamification
I had a bit of a realization today. Might even border on epiphany.
You always hear people *say* that chastity and FLR and these assorted things we all collectively do tend to have a generally positive impact on relationships. As a matter of record, this has been extraordinarily true in our own case – having had a profound impact on our own lives together (for the record, for the better).
But I can’t help wondering why. Why does putting a piece of steel around your privates, locking it down and handing over the key change a relationship, sometimes shaking it to the core? How does that “fix” communication issues and “fix” other issues going on?*
* It doesn’t, of course, automatically fix mortally wounded relationships. It’s been said before, but it can be a catalyst-type of event, but it doesn’t fix a broken relationship. It can represent a change in approach, a turning point. But if there are underlying issues, those aren’t going to go away with a padlock. More on this here.
I think I have a clue about this – an idea of at least one significant thing that gets rolling when you do this stuff. I suspect, depending on the type of play you get interested in, it can have a more or less profound impact, but for the sake of this post, let’s go with enforced chastity, D/s and FLR. Yes, I realize those are huge areas, but bear with me a bit.
TIL: Attitudinal Cycles and Subbie Head-Space
Almost makes it sound scholarly, yes? “Attitudinal” – basically how to keep your head on straight when you have the chance to see how orgasms can impact your attitude.
My personal sweet spot is that span of time when subbie-mindset is in full swing and at the same time, I’m climbing the walls wanting to get playtime with Charmer. [SSC: Is there ever a time when that isn’t the case? I don’t remember any but they say that the mind is the first thing to go.] But I’ve come to learn too that that’s indeed impacted by those times when I’m allowed to have an orgasm, vs. those times when I’m denied.
Continue reading “TIL: Attitudinal Cycles and Subbie Head-Space”
Sinful Sunday 13 – Simple Things, Simple Times
Call me a sap, but I love the simple things – times when we just get to relax, sleep in, be lazy about taking advantage of time together. It’s one of my favorite things, bar none.
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Continuing to Learn About Myself, Feeling a Bit Like a Puppet
It’s really strange to be “my age” and be learning big things about yourself. Sure, no one likes to stop learning and I hope that it never happens, but to be having these pretty surprising things come up over and over again is pretty cool and remarkable.
We’re wrapping up our time in Vegas – a mini-vacation as we head into what will surely be a great time of year for us and the family, but will just as surely be a stressful one. It’s great to get away and goof off and just relax a bit. Hey, I even won $14.50 today on a slot machine. Can’t complain.
You may be tired of having me write about O-control and what I learn, but this stuff, to me, is bordering on epiphany stuff. During this time in Vegas, Charmer has been messing with me in all sorts of ways. The first night out alone she flipped the “me, not you” switch and enforced the denial portion of our dynamic. But something is changing and this was the first time I’d seen this in myself.
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On Being Horngry
Denial and orgasm control are funny things. With a cage, enforced chastity becomes a thing of power exchange and control. She holds the power to grant or deny orgasms, period. Yes, I realize it doesn’t *require* a cage, but I can tell you in times when the “game is afoot,” it sure makes things more clear.
I had a weird experience this last weekend in terms of learning to work through this whole control and power exchange thing we do. We’d had a great day on Saturday, a lazy, relaxing evening and were just basically lounging around doing nothing in particular. [SSC: I was, however, sitting in a tight pair of jeans and knee-high boots that were driving him a little crazy.] When we did retire for the evening, Charmer decided to punish me for being to suggestive throughout the day. I was pretty surprised by this – but I couldn’t honestly tell if it was punishment, excuse or teasing. Turns out it was more teasing than anything, but it sure worked.
Sinful Sunday #11 – Just Here… Reading
Charmer has a voracious appetite…for reading. As often as not, she’s deep in a book and I see nothing wrong at all with that. Especially when she does it to tease and torture. It seems she’s always finding new ways to do just that.
What the F*ck is Wrong with Me?
That’s what I ended up asking Charmer at the end of our time together over the weekend. It was about 4:30a, and we’d just been through a very intense time together.
Let me rewind a bit.
She’d been accumulating infractions and been teasing the idea of trying out some of her new implements that she’d had me order. A couple of paddle-type implements, a crop, a strap and even a cat-o-nine tails. She’d done research and found these were a good cross-section of different implements and that each had different, well, impact. [SSC: Side note: We had also just rocked our first serious solo dance performance in front of friends and family. ] After binge-watching a few shows earlier in the evening, it came to after midnight and she told me to go get things ready for her.