Batteries, Dom(me)s and Energy

I’ve written quite a lot about my side of things – the power of sub-space, the “buttons” that get pushed for me in this whole thing, etc.  It’s a powerful combination of D/s, kink, our FLR and our overall choices of lifestyle.  But I stumbled too on to an article talking about the possible guilt associated with the /s/ side of things -that someone is always doing “to” you and taking care of you and… and… and…

And prior to all of this, I’ve written both public and private stories for Charmer and the site that talk about the look – and her attitude when she gets in that space – when she’s in Domme mode, not wife mode.  It got me started thinking, then realizing something really important.

I want to say up front that your mileage may vary, as it does with everything on this site.  It’s your thing.  Your experience.  Your buttons and agreements and negotiated boundaries and all of that.  I write about my thoughts, my experiences.  Take what you like, trash the rest.  I never look to preach about “you need to do this” or “this is always true.”

Also, in our relationship, we are both at a place where we like to push limits.  We know each other well, trust absolutely and have talked about things that are OK and not.  If I say “push limits” or something along those lines, it’s within ultimately acceptable boundaries, or agreed that we will test those boundaries.

Disclaimer out of the way…

What I realized is that as an /s/ in the whole scenario, it’s on me to feed energy to Charmer.  When I see that look, my role shifts.  My role shifts to giving her what she needs to take from me.  And it really is take.  Sure, we’ll be doing X or Y thing in the moment, but the fact is that she’s on the hunt.  She’s hunting for that Domme energy and she’s looking to take it from me.

How?

Well, in our case, it could be impact play stuff, it could be biting, it could be out-and-out sexual stuff, whatever.  But when I see that look, that look that I both cringe about and crave, it’s my turn to give what she needs.  I need to let her do what she likes, do what is driving her in the moment.  I can’t just sit back and do the old “take me baby!”  – it’s not our dynamic, it’s not what she needs.

It’s sort of like being her battery.

This can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.  And yes, even if bound, gagged and unable to move much, the energy flows.  It’s feedback.  It’s body language.  It’s permission to do whatever she wants and needs to do in the moment.  It’s allowing it to go on and to be her way, not my fantasy way.  It’s being in “suck it up” mode even when it’s not comfortable.

As I was thinking this through, even just realizing all of this gets after those feelings and realizations that run deep in me personally.  It starts up those core-level things that make all of this work for me, personally – it sort of melts into this serving, submission, service mentality.  To think that I’m able to contribute so much to something that, on the surface seems so one-way (her “doing” to me) is a powerful thought.

I think it’s important for the /s/ to realize that there is so much power in both of your hands.  I hear a lot about the power of submission.  I hear about how it’s all based in trust and that you choose who you are interested in entering into this whole thing with on a D/s basis.

What I don’t hear a lot about is the fact that the /s/ role has as much, and perhaps even more, to do to make it all pull together.  If I am involved only passively and just along for the ride, I suspect that ride isn’t going to be very fulfilling for either person.

I hope I never run out of energy when it’s needed most.  I hope that I can continue to learn to go with whatever thing is happening in the moment.  I hope that I can get better at providing positive, energy for Charmer to feed on, to make both D/s life and our FLR and our daily stuff better.

It’s a weird thought, but I’m excited about all it touches.