When I think about the foundation of our dynamic, the first word that comes to mind is trust.
Trust is a two-edged sword with me. I will trust initially, but once that trust is broken, it is almost impossible for me to truly trust again. I need people in my life who I can rely on to be there through the good and bad, through the angry bitchy me and the easy-going one, during storms and in sunshine.
And I’m afraid, in this day and age, trust, which I count so, you know, I love loyalty. I love trust.Elton John
The worst thing someone can do to me is pull me in and tell me they care and then toss me aside when it is inconvenient. The easiest thing to do is just not try to trust, but that punishes me for the fact they they are untrustworthy. My trusted friends are the ones who know me and love me because of who I am, not because of what I can do for them.
Our foundation is, of course, partly love and marriage. Even that, though, is based hugely on trust. How can you marry someone that you wouldn’t trust your heart to?
Trust goes directly to the heart of our D/s. I trust Snake to be honest with me and be present when we play. I trust him to be here as a lifestyle dynamic instead of being a play partner who changes as soon as they get “theirs.”
This is not news. We’ve both written about this multiple times over the years.
Trust is all important during sexual play. There is no way to read someone’s mind and know exactly how they are feeling and how they are reacting at a given time. Yes, you have to pay attention, but we are human beings, not mind readers. Snake has to have complete trust in me to do what is best for us and I have to have complete trust in him that he will tell me if things aren’t going the way we had planned.
Trust goes beyond play, though, when people are in a relationship. There’s trust that we’ll call each other on our shit when we are wrong. There’s trust that we each have each other’s back when people hurt us or the world falls apart. There’s trust that we’ll be there to make the nightmares go away or snuggle on the couch to just be there for each other.
And I think that’s the bottom line. The foundation for us has to be that the other person always wants what is best for you, would never break that trust or treat it as if it weren’t a precious gift and stands with you.
It makes all of the rest work.