It’s strange how quickly a scene can change, and how it can be physically, mentally, or both.
But it sure does.
We have a bench. It is purpose-built for holding you in place. It does it quite well.
Bondage is odd, at least for me, sometimes. There’s the thoughts that blow through my brain as I think about it (fantasize…) and all that could happen someday. It’s weird. Some are pretty extreme, some are more lightweight. Some are based around that pain demon, some are based entirely in control, some mix it up a bit.
Then, there are the thoughts just as the final restraints lock or bolt or strap into place. There’s literally nervous laughter that snakes (!) through my mind kind of going “yeah, right.” It’s a rationalization. “I’m a big dude, how much can this really keep me from moving around – I’ll wiggle free soon…” But I’ll never forget the time we spent a bit more on restraints. For cuffs. She put me in place, attached the world and I did my little mental check of “I got this, I’ll still have control…”
I failed. I couldn’t get ANYWHERE or get out of the way. Neither was an option. The realization that this was real and FOR real, rocked my brain quite a bit. Ever since, when we’ve been considering X or Y for toys, we’ve made sure it was strong and had options, options for strictness or less strict. We’ve never regretted that and are thankful we’re able to do that.
Back to the bench.
I’m strapped in and down, face down. I can move my head around, but mostly, it’s just looking side to side. Not much else is going *anywhere* – there are 9 leather straps holding me just so in place, locking me to the device.
She’s walking around me. Slowly. Grabbing this implement or that. A wand on me, just to get it going, then SMACK with a Tawse or paddle or flogger. It’s like climbing this roller coaster, getting near the top, your heart is racing like “oh, wow, this is gonna be a blast!” and then BOOM. Not only are you back on the ground, but you got there backwards and upside down.
As she walks around, she’s silent. Doesn’t say a single thing. I can’t see her about 75% of the time, but I can feel her. Feel her eyes on me. Aiming? Not always. Touching? Not always. But it’s there. In control. It’s powerful as hell and very intimidating.
A few times I hear the swoosh first. A few times I flinch, over nothing. I swear I hear her snicker just a bit when that happens. She’s having an incredible time fucking with me.
When she does connect, all I can do is take the impact and process it. I try not to cry out, but there are times when that’s just not possible. I try to be still, to let the drum beat continue and increase in volume. Of course with the wand, it’s different – I try to mentally chase after it, feeling every single tiny little vibration and the effect it has on me. Or anticipate that there will be several more impacts in a row, or anticipate what the next implement will be. It’s a mental impact scene as much as it’s a physical one. It’s all-consuming in the moment, and after, when we’re both coming down, we’re in an incredible place.
Control, trust, mind games. Yep, that’s how to move on from the normal day junk and into “just us in the world” mode. Gets me every time.