Headspace is a weird thing for me. When I saw the prompt, I thought about how that all comes into play when, well, when we play. I immediately went to “Sub-space” – but I am learning that there is actually more to it than that.
For me, headspace is both a starting point and an ending point. And it changes throughout! It’s bizarre. When I’m starting, I know – I need to get IN my head. I need to get away from my body and let it just … be there. This is really true if we’re doing impact or other ouchy stuff. I need to let it get into me, feel it, let it get me to those first checkpoints where things seem to settle in.
I read about using colors, and explosions of colors, to help manage the pain of different things. For me, that’s spot-on. For me, that’s the headspace that takes me from nothing to being able to take more. From somewhere in the middle to the more extreme points in the scale. That stuff in the middle is where I slip into mind-fuck territory.
I know, strange.
My headspace goes through 3 different areas – with a follow-up 4th after it’s all said and done and coming down from it.
I start with trying to ignore, tolerate and just let be whatever the sensation is. If it’s smacks or vampire gloves or … whatever. I have to just let it happen, let it work it’s way through. This is, I think, because this is usually spiced up with some decent fear, anticipation and wanting to control, but not wanting to …
So I have to just let it happen. I force myself into this. And that whole process of letting it take over is what it’s all about. That gets me from A to B and lets me be a better partner, for both of us. This is particularly true of extended sessions. I have to build up that acceptance and absorb and spread out the sensations. Most of the time, I can get pretty far in this mode.
In the middle, it’s a full-on argument from my head to my toes. “More!” “OUCH!” “AW YEAH” “OOOOHHHH….” “THUDDY!!!” all of these things roar through my headspace in this weird super slow-motion super-sonic flash back and forth. This is where stuff is escalating, getting real and oddly, with every single impact or whatever I take, I find I can take more. This is a weird space to be in – because every now and then logic creeps in – and I have to actively tell it off, because I know this headspace well, I know it’s where I need to be. The day is a distant thought and the world is very, very small at this time. It’s magic, but I’m still actively feeling every single thing.
At the end, this is where pain generally turns to real pleasure – where even the more painful points start to blur into feeling good. There are times when sub-space makes an appearance here and all of the barriers come down. It’s like there’s just nothing else happening and it’s all about these sensations running up and down my limbs, messing with my head, pounding through every inch of my skin. It’s erotic and blissful and powerful.
I mentioned the 4th – it’s connection. Because it’s after. It’s sitting, staying in the moment and just letting things slowly ebb. This is a bizarre time. I can waffle between “did that really just happen” and “what the actual fuck” and other things along those lines. But it’s time for confirming the trust, cementing the relationship, and sometimes, confirming that it’s all OK.