What do I desire? I’ve been asking myself that question since I saw this prompt and I still don’t know if I have an answer.
What would I answer if I was posed this question in a way that I had to answer truthfully? And is that truth one that is a moment in time, or is it a deeper one that maybe I don’t really know?
Desire has so many meanings. It can be sexual, but it can also be a desire to achieve or acquire. They can be tiny desires like a piece of cake, or huge life changing desires.
I think from the D/s perspective my desires are pretty simple and yet not at all. I desire to be a good Domme to Snake. To guide and listen and give and receive what we both need and want. And that is where it always becomes complicated.
Our needs tend to be pretty complementary. We both need to feel the strength of our dynamic and have it to fall back on when life gets complicated. To know that daily he wears his collar as his commitment to me. In general, our D/s life is pretty solid. I know that sounds dull and boring, but it isn’t. It just works right for us the way we have it set. We have weekly meetings to discuss good things and things to work on for both of us. But, in general, it just runs and is fed by our daily and weekly routines and rituals.
Wants are always more complicated. And mostly our wants are still pretty similar. The issue that usually comes into play is outside forces. Particularly this year, life has thrown a wrench into plans more times than I can say. And time alone has been more challenging because our travel has been severely curtailed.
Our desire for each other ebbed and flowed with the world this year. It is hard to feel sexy when stress is the main emotion in the house. It took time to straighten out that piece and get back to the sexy play. And realizing that it was actually more important to us than we had even thought it was.
I think, though, that this year has also made priorities clear. We are a priority and giving each other the love and support to achieve the things we desire. The choice to focus on the us when the outside world is breaking apart. Having my person by my side to help with the horrible times and celebrate the good ones.
So the answer to the question? I truly desire my life and relationship with Snake. It really is as simple, and not, as that.