I was having a conversation with a good friend online this morning, talking about the differences between kink and sex and how all of these things weave into relationships and how we see and are with our partners. Then, they said the darndest thing.
What I want out of kink is intimacy.
This is so true. Kink fills in this strange and different space for me. It’s truly an inter-dependency that is a really important facet of my psyche.
Kink can’t really happen without trust and without relying on someone else to do, say, be what they say they will do, say and be. If they break that trust, it’s super hard, perhaps impossible, to have a close kink relationship. At best, it’s going to be a much more transactional situation, at worst, it’s just not going to happen.
The thought was pretty profound – a sexual relationship and a kink relationship fill different boxes – and, to me at least, I’d never thought about it quite like that. Sure, those lines can overlap and one can include the other.
But the trust and interaction and the relying entirely (or mostly) on the other partner for their piece of the scene in order for you to have your own successes, well that’s what inter-dependency (in this space) is all about.
It doesn’t really matter if you’re the giver or taker. One of the things I love about kink is that the giver really is a taker, and vice-versa. I mean, the Dominant partner is giving the impact play (or whatever) but they’re taking energy from it too. And the submissive partner is taking the impacts and the effect on their being, but giving energy too, completing the circuit. I don’t think the Dominant partner would have nearly as much fun swinging a flogger in the air with no contact or interaction.
In all the right ways, there is heavy inter-dependency on all of the participants with this thing we do, methinks.
And it’s pretty cool.