Needs. Wants. How to figure out which is which and even more important, how to balance it all.
I wish I had a good answer on how I do it. I don’t think that I do it all that well at times. I think that I confuse my own wants and needs quite often. I might think it’s a need, but is it? Or do I just want it so much that I think that I need it?
I guess after a lot of years together, Snake and I balance our needs pretty seamlessly. Most of the time, anyway. There’s a lot of taking turns on supporting each other and it is usually pretty intuitive. It’s almost like a dance where you really aren’t sure of the steps but the music pulls you along together.
Of course there are clashes. One person feels like they need more or have given too long and feel discounted or taken advantage of. Hurt feelings and anger need to be resolved so that the balance can be restored.
But, we aren’t on a teeter-totter. Balance isn’t equal. Sometimes he needs more or I need more. And that’s life and the way it should be. We balance each other out and know that what we give at one point will come back to us at another. It might not be next week or soon. It might not look even remotely the same.
That’s as a couple, though. When there is extended family or friends or work, the balance becomes exponentially more complicated. He might see that someone “needs” this, while I see it as a want. When these issues come up, it is so much more difficult to resolve. Do I stand by and watch as I see someone use him when he thinks they need something? And even more complicated, does he need my support even if I strongly disagree with it? Where are my needs in this equation?
I don’t know the answers. We’ve spent years trying to find some. I guess the only answer that we ever have is that it depends. Sometimes it is better to support. Sometimes it is better to push my thoughts. Sometimes we argue loudly about what is right. And sometimes one of us gives in and resents it for a bit.
The only thing that we do know is that this balancing dance will go on. We will move across the floor, missing the occasional cue, tripping on the dress, running into someone else, but together. Because the balance is never stagnant, but our love is important and the struggle is worth it.