The easy answer is that I know it when I feel it–but it isn’t that easy. It comes in a lot of shapes and sizes, some passing quickly, while others stay for a lifetime. They are all unique and yet…
Intimacy isn’t taking your clothes off,
it’s baring your soul.
Peeling back the layers of self-doubt and
exposing your innermost fears,
breaking down the walls of
your fortified heart and letting someone in…Phoenix Mode
They all have the quality of letting go. Making a choice, conscious or otherwise, to let another person into me. Not always the same “piece” or view, but a place that is scary because it isn’t public. I’ve opened myself up to the possibility of being hurt, which is terrifying, but also the possibility of being loved, which is the best.
Sex CAN be part of the equation. Sex without intimacy or connection is not me. My libido is tied to that connection and if it isn’t there, nothing will ever happen. And sex is definitely a type of intimacy.
But I feel like I have a lot of intimate relationships where sex is not, nor ever will be, a piece of the relationship. I have close friends that share themselves with me and I share myself with them in a very soul baring way. We trust each other with fears and doubts and excitement and success. They are the people, after Snake, who are the first to hear when something wonderful or awful happens.
And Snake. Well, he’s my person. He’s the one who knows when to push at my walls and when it is time to leave them alone for a while. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes, but he also knows that I need to come to the realizations on my own terms and in my own time. He protects my heart, growls at people who threaten it and is there when it breaks to help pick up the pieces.
And, you know, the whole taking the clothes part off? That part is pretty fun in the intimacy department….