It seems like I should have great control over my own body. I’ve always worked to have the strength (and will) to work through whatever I can foresee happening. Of course, that’s not a perfect goal, but it IS something I actively reach for. This runs the full range, from O-control to being able to do fancy-schmancy dance moves.
But this isn’t a fancy-schmancy dance moves kinda site, ya know? So you know where I’m headed…
Example 1. Pointing the way…
Impact play is weird. There, I said it. “Hey baby, hit me, smack me, whatever. If that’s something you like, just say the word and I’m there for you.” That’s what happens verbally. That’s the act. But I will never forget – the first time we had a paddle. We unwrapped it, she had that funny “can you believe it?” look on her face – it was like “are we supposed to have this??” Perhaps you know the look?
Us being a CFNM household, I was there, presenting a perfect target. We nervously talked around the fact that she’s holding this wooden paddle, lightly slapping her hand with it, as you do with a paddle. I’m doing the whole “yeah, if that’s something you want to try, now we can” kind of speech. ‘Cuz, ya know, it’s all because it’s something she wants to try.
I had no idea.
1 hit. Just to see if it worked as a paddle. To swing it. To hit with it. Wasn’t even that much of an impact, but it got my attention. And I spun around like “hey, I’ll take that out of your reach (my bum)!” not realizing what I just put IN her reach, but that wasn’t what happened next.
In that split second. That short, short time from *smack* to turning around, I was standing at full attention, hard as a rock. WTF? Who knew? I mean, I was trying to play cool and all.
I look at her. She’s looking at me. Then, she looks at my face, raises an eyebrow and just grins.
That’s when we found out that it was something we wanted to explore more – and I felt totally betrayed by my body. Perhaps it could have waited, oh, I don’t know, at least a LITTLE time before responding and sending all that blood down there???
Example 2. O-Control
There’s this line that gets crossed over – perhaps edging, perhaps just teasing in general. It’s where all the control goes away. It takes a lot of “work” to get there. It’s usually after a ruined O, it’s usually when there is ever decreasing gap between an edge and restarting again.
But in those times, I lose that control. I can usually shut down an orgasm, think it out of existence. Block it.
But once I’m pushed beyond that line, my body betrays me. It’s like it rolls out the red carpet, giving away that control, while at the same time literally laughing (in my head) at my attempts to wrestle back control. It’s in these times that things switch to full-on animal mode, I suppose. It can even get to subspace-type headspace, particularly when the ruined O’s are continually chased, in rapid succession and I have no way out.
Oddly, my body will keep responding. Keep egging things on. Keep… going. My brain is giving up. Has given up. My mental space is as subbie as if I had stings from a paddle or other things going on – it’s just fried. It’s not an easy place to get to, but when it happens, my body completely betrays me, throwing in the towel and handing over all control.
Bodies are incredible, yo. Even when the betrayal is unexpected and artfully extracted from me.