Charmer’s Rambly More….

I have a couple themes are the springboard for this post. So, who knows if they will play together nicely or if you are going to get multiple posts mushed into one. It’s all an adventure, right?

To put my spin on Snake’s Change, and Chasing “More,” I am struck by the decluttering that we have been doing in the house. We, and especially I, are serious packrats. A lot of it is sentimental stuff but even more comes from our poor period when we were living on ramen. The what ifs….What if I get rid of this and can’t afford to replace it? What if catastrophe strikes?

We are far from rich but we are also not poor. We are as secure as anyone else who is middle class is in this climate. But the fear never leaves completely after it settles in. Realistically? No one needs cookbooks that have never been opened or the extra microwave containers or the fabric that someone gave you because you are crafty and might find some use for it.

It’s easy to get rid of some of it. It’s a lot harder when things were gifts from people who are no longer around to give you a new gift. Or gifts that were never used because they weren’t you. There are ridiculous ghosts attached to some of these things and, at least for me, it’s a lot trickier than salt and iron (Supernatural reference).

The clutter in our lives, though, is mental too. We hold on to the hurts inflicted by unkind words. We feel unloved because we were rejected. Little loops of self talk that is nothing but damaging and outright clutter. This is so much harder to put in a bag and toss in the trash. It pushes out the pieces that are important: the kind words and the love freely given.

And this leads me into another piece of this thought process. A couple of weeks ago, TMI Tuesday Blog asked, ” Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button on your life?” While we don’t write publicly on this, Snake and I use it to spark discussion in our personal journal blog.

Neither one of us would hit the pause button because it is never us. We are much better moving forward even if it is the wrong way because indecision makes both of us crazy. Waiting to leave the platform on the zipline is the worse. I KNOW that I want to go, but there’s always a pause of indecisiveness. I don’t have to go. I always do, but that’s another story.

So, the easy answer is rewind. Then, comes the interesting piece for me at least. If I rewind, do I get to change things? And if I can, do I want to? The butterfly effect comes into play immediately to me. If I turn left rather than right, do I mess up other things? Yes, Donna Noble. And are they even worse than the results I was trying to fix?

I think back to the things that I would change. Decisions that messed up big pieces of our life. Business decisions, family decisions, personal relationships that were toxic. It’s a beautiful thought that I could just fix it all and things would be easier. And maybe it would be, but would we still be us?

The hard times sucked. I mean SUCKED. They also gave us some strength to get through other times so they didn’t suck as badly as the first one. The personal relationships that were toxic? I got rid of them. And I learned that I deserved better and I didn’t miss what I thought I had to have. The people weren’t healthy for me, didn’t care about me and as horrible as it sounds, I don’t miss them.

Which brings me to my final piece…. I have been listening to LeVar Burton Reads. Because LeVar Burton! One of the last ones that I listened to because I am hopelessly behind was “1000-Year Old-Ghosts” by Laura Chow Reeve. I won’t spoil it by telling you the story but the premise is putting away memories so they won’t hurt you anymore. Isn’t that a fabulous thought?

EXCEPT… again, don’t these memories create us as people? Am I me, Charmer, in all pieces of my life, if I go back and rewrite my own history and remove my memories? Probably not.

And honestly? My life and my friends and my family and my online community? It’s pretty damn good just as it is. Yes, more is nice. But now is pretty nice too.

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