Risk

Risk. One of those words that says scary and run away. Protect yourself and avoid at all costs.

But isn’t that in itself a risk? You risk missing chances and adventures and relationships and living.


“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, “Wow what a ride!”

Hunter S. Thompson

My family has long accepted that this is going to be my fate. I will die doing something crazy but I sure will love the ride.

[Snake: True, for as long as I’ve known you, we’ve agreed that this is how it will be!]

Snake and I have lists of things to do–I hate the term bucket list–both sexually and life goals. We’ve done a lot of ziplines, white water, traveled to places that are exotic and thrilling and had sex in some rather scandalous places. We have made the conscious choice not to wait for “someday,” but to live now.

But there is so much more to do. When we were in New Zealand, we heard the term black water rafting. Hmmm… this sounds intriguing. IT’S RAFTING RAPIDS THROUGH A CAVE!!!!! We’ve ziplined through a cave and if you get the chance, just do it. I mean, really. We are definitely putting the black water rafting on the list, though. How cool must that be?

[Snake: This sounds like so much fun… sans the critters in the water, which will just have to be… “experienced” … but yeah. It looks amazingly intense.]

But risk comes in many forms and I think the emotional risks are scarier and harder to push through and get past. If I let this person in, will they hurt me like the last one? Can I put aside my emotional baggage and really trust that they are true? Can I let them see me, the real me, and not put on a persona?

And, before you start searching my social media, no, I am not writing about anything or anyone specific. You know that you would–and, yes, I’m looking at you!

The risks sometimes result in a lot of hurt. And anger. And disenchantment with people. Those results make me want to avoid it in the future. Don’t stray too far from the sidewalk or trust and be safe. It’s a nice cocoon. Snuggle in with Snake and just push everyone else away.

But, truly, is that living? There are times to pull back and regroup and recharge. I know my own limits and I have to do that sometimes. But, then, I have to step back out into the world and risk those other attachments in order to be fully alive. So, yes, I choose too much feeling and too much affection and risk getting hurt in order to be me.

A 2019 Update, On the PA…

So, a while back I did the thing. Got the ol’ PA (Prince Albert) piercing done.

Funny though, I still cringe when I think about it – what is it about getting pierced, um, well, down there, that is just so cringe-worthy? Totally makes sense, but you’d think after going through it and realizing I’m still alive and it was really not a big deal, that it wouldn’t be that way. It is.

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Mirrors


The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart.

St. Jerome

Mirrors are always fun to play with. Watching you, watching myself, watching the reactions. We use them in play, we use them to put ourselves together and we tend to use them a lot in photographs.

Many of you know that Snake and I take dance lessons and perform occasionally. In a studio, there are mirrors everywhere. Good and bad reflections. I get to watch him but unfortunately also get to see how much work I still need to do to make it look “right.” But the mirrors always show progress which is more important and easier to attain than perfection.

When I think of a mirror, though, it is your eyes and face. You are always so expressive and open with me. I see the love reflected back to me. So often when our eyes meet, there is no need for words. We are one.

There are times when your eyes reflect frustration and anger. Often when I’m teasing you to the edge of your endurance. But still, you endure. For me.

Traveling with you allows me to see the joy and wonder and excitement that seeing new places and experiencing new things brings. We hold hands and share a glance that reflects our journey and adventure.

So, while mirrors on the wall are fun, my favorite mirror and kink is definitely your eyes.