Collars are interesting – interesting in that they initially seem pretty light-handed in their usefulness, but then you find out that the symbolism combined with that usefulness can be huge. And the impact it has on you mentally and even physically can be really quite strong as well.
I have 2 collars. I have a day collar, that is on all the time pretty much – showers excepted, and that we’ve gone through two of. This is something subtle, but something that is quite clear if you know what you’re looking for.
We bought the first one, then I made the second one. It’s meant to be super-simple, and something that’s just always there, but never “in your face” to people that don’t know. Our thing is our thing, and people that don’t know, don’t necessarily need to.
I like it because it’s just always there. There’s no question, and it’s like an inside bit of awareness between us. There are times when it’s a bit of a button, something can be going on, or we can be settling in for the night and she’ll just put her hand on it. It’s like a “we got this” button. Pretty great.
The second is my formal collar. This collar is the real deal. It’s one of those that, when it’s on, all attention is on the current situation. If you think you’re going to be just goofing around in it, it’s probably not the case. It’s time to be very aware, very attentive and very in the moment.
That last bit can be so calming and so exciting, all at the same time. It’s amazing the feelings that wash over, and the realization that, it’s for real. It doesn’t give. It’s not coming loose accidentally. It’s not going to get looser. It’s going to hold on and not let go until she’s done. It also signifies a change in her. A change from wife to Domme, to a different dynamic entirely, and it shifts me into a very solid submissive headspace, and one that knows that it’s all about doing as I’m told, without question. It seems weird that it would be calming. I mean, it’s just a strap of leather, but there’s something about all it represents that brings everything into focus, brings the moment into being the one thing to be present for.
I have to admit, when we first started with the collars, it was “cool” and fun and all of that. But I’ve learned and perhaps tuned in a bit to the things that they represent. The day collar is a commitment, and the formal collar is handing over control, which is only possible because of the commitment. There’s a lot of trust involved – mentally, physically, even emotionally.
I really love the collars. I like that they pull the world in extremely close and shut out other things. I like that they force you into the moment. I like that they beef up the trust and commitment and let the situation (scene) flow as it needs to in order to further cement those.
To me, the collars are a symbol of all of those things, all at once, all at the same time, and the second it’s in place, it all comes front and center.