It’s really interesting to see how D/sFLR stuff takes hold with different partnerships. If you read up about FLR at a fantasy level, it’s all about controlling the /s/ partner, and the /s/ partner being “forced” to do x, y or z if things go wrong.
Lifestyle D/sFLR switches things up a bit, and you see people posting about everything from “these are the things I’m demanding from my Dom(me)” to “I’m completely passive in this and just do what I’m told.” It’s a huge spectrum and, to be true to it all, it’s whatever you need it to be.
I’ve seen more and more couples posting (let’s face it, I read more about Domme-related than Dom-related, so you’ll have to pardon my references where I goof up – with any luck, it should still make sense though) where they got into it for kink and play and then decided to expand it – because he wanted her to be in charge, to have things her way, to have her make choices, etc. Pretty common FLR stated goals.
Then, down the road, she’s not doing it quite right. So he offers helpful pointers. He puts out the rules, offers up “ideas” and makes suggestions about how to make things better. But this is where I stumble in reading these through. Not in a “high and mighty one-true-path” type of thing but from a perspective of my needing a bit of a bitch slap at times to remind me how this all boils down.
I have to work to correct my approaches so that they’re in line with what makes it work for her. Then things start to click and the D will start to feel up to exploring. Trying new things. And the rub? Those things might not be anything at all like the /s/ expected, or even thought they needed. They might be different, they might be more, might be less. I can almost promise that, as the relationship matures to the liking of the Dominant partner, that things will grow and take on their own paths. Things you probably could never see coming.
We’ve kept some pretty copious notes behind the scenes in the old snake den. I have to say that I’ve screwed up more than I’ve been good in many areas. But in those times when there is a good and respectful and honest and open and trusting and … thing going on, where I am able to keep my shit together and feed her inner D, it’s amazing to watch things jump forward in leaps and bounds.
That which had its roots in kink. In bondage and play and all of that, has expanded greatly in many ways in our lives. It’s not perfect, it never will be, but those flaws are so much a part of this all too.
And, frankly, it’s nothing like I would have done it. I would have steered and cajoled and pushed and pulled and demanded and suggested… all things that, if you think about it, make the D question their methods, desires, wants and their own needs.
Instead, hers and our life model overall satiate us both. Even though they are so much different from where we started, where we thought we were going, our “roots” if you will, they’re so much more solid now that we’ve let things grow and become what they are.
It’s because she was able to forge ahead in her own ways and explore her boundaries while all along pushing mine, all in her way. Not mine.