I often have regrets after play time. But not maybe what you’d think. I often want more. I wanted to give more. I have a lot of “that wasn’t so bad, now was it? Why’d you struggle with it so?”
You know this. You know it takes challenging not limits that are set between us, but limits in my head. You’ve done it many times. You’ve shown that there’s nothing to fear… well, ok. Fear is good at times, it’s all a part of it. But nothing to mortally worry about anyway.
Somehow you read me. You see in my body, my face, my eyes when enough really is enough in the moment, and when you can return and take more. Push harder. The give and take of just about any play time is just that – give and take. Sometimes, it’s a lot more like pulling.
We have to work together, but the teamwork is so different between us. I feel you – feel your teeth, the impact of the strap, the impact of the wooden paddles, the pinwheels, the cuffs. I feel your energy when it roars through the equipment, through me, back to you, picking up speed as it goes.
It’s overwhelming. It’s animal. It’s rough. It’s soft. It’s sharp. All at once, it’s all of these things and that makes my mind fight back. Makes me feel like it should stop. But the rush in the seconds after that flood of energy is all goodness. I have to work through the flash to get to the boom.
You know this. You pull this energy back out of me, feast on it almost. I don’t know how you know, but you do – you know to ride the very sharp edge that exists between too much, and not quite enough. You know how to make that flash of energy blinding so the rush is just that much higher, and you know that you can push more and more as time passes a bit – you know that you can demand more, pull more from me.
This give and take, this push and pull – it’s what it’s all about. Reaching for the experiences, reaching for the energy, reaching for more. Just a little more. It truly is collaboration to make it all that it can be for both of us.
To go as far as possible… for now.