Pain, Pleasure and Restraint(s)

It seems such a cliche’ thing that you hear all the time in this community.

Be careful what you wish for.  You may get it.

This was certainly the case this time.

This thing we do can have a tendency to push you forward. To want more.  On both sides of the D/s spectrum.  Either giving up more control or more control.  Each seems to always crave more and more as you try different things and experience different things.  I am no different; I’ve been known to crave immobilization and increased levels of just about everything from pain to pleasure, to the extreme.

I also know that our dynamic thrives a bit on a touch of fear.  It takes a lot of trust to really give yourself over and become truly immobilized.  Thankfully that trust is there, and today you’re taking full advantage of it.  As you attach me to the restraints, you’re making sure they’re quite tight and not going anywhere.

It’s the first flash of fear that bolts through me.  I realize that things are wider (arms, legs) and tighter (all the connections) than ever before.  There’s no give.  I grin to myself because I know this is something I’ve wanted.  I relish that feeling of being unable to really respond and unable to game the system.  Since I can’t get even a bit of slack in the lines, I find out later I won’t be able to force the restraints to give me anything… even a little.

You have this way of sitting back and looking at your work once I’m “bolted in.”  I can feel you looking me over, checking things.  You run your fingers over my body, touching lightly, alternating your nails at times.  Running your hands up and down, lighting my skin up with the sensations.

All of a sudden I feel you clamp down on my groin – teeth, lips – starting with a sort of hickey that progresses into a vice grip with your teeth.  It sends this lighting bolt through my body, up through my chest to my head as you hold your grip, even grinding a bit – the white-hot pain is shooting through me…

This is the first realization that you are both turning up the volume on things tonight, and testing the restraints.  It’s the first time I’ve realized and had the chance to feel that pang of fear that the restraints, as they’re attached at the moment, are very, very real.

When you release, you immediately start stroking me – my erection is giving me away just how much I crave the pain.  The exactly opposing feelings of pain vs. pleasure are not yet registering and I would swear that the stroking actually hurts when you first start – a strange thought and it flashes through my head as I feel the pleasure building. I can feel my insides changing over from “hey, that feels good!” to “wait, wait, wait, no – can’t cum, no OK, quick, ask, never mind, can’t speak!”  Instead I opt for a barely intelligible “no!” repeated over and over.  You take me screaming to the edge and stop… but then just as it’s clear it wasn’t enough, you grab me and immediately start again, taking me to a ruined orgasm in seconds.

It literally hurts.

The run up, time since I’ve had a full orgasm, the rush to get there, all of it.  It overwhelms as my body fights to control and pull it back, but also to find more touch to push it into a full, real, over the top orgasm that I’m literally growling for now.

You immediately pick a new spot on my midsection and repeat the bite marks, but for some reason, between additional pressure and my headspace with the ruined, the pain is just a bit more, just a bit sharper.

The restraints rush back to my head.  I’m really not going anywhere.  I’m pulling on my wrists, my ankles, there’s simply no give.  I have no leverage, no means of getting any slack at all.  My head is dealing with that, thinking through the pain and coming down from the pleasure.  It’s overwhelming and I can feel myself going new places mentally to deal with it.

You repeat the bite marks over and over – all in the same areas and each seems to get a little sharper.  I keep grasping for sub-space mentally, I keep trying to run into the pain pieces, grab them pull them to me, but for some reason, I can’t make the leap.  It’s aggravating and the restraints keep coming back to mind.  The pain is almost accumulating – it’s like the previous mark is still barking at me when you start anew.

All this time, I can almost feel my cock crying about the ruined orgasm.  It feels like someone forgot about his piece in all of this.  But of course that was never your intention.  It was never your goal to give me a full orgasm; it was to take the ruined from me, force it from me in a brutal, controlled way and play off it with pain.

It worked.  I have nowhere to go.  I feel you continue your ravaging of me and I’m close to the edge – but I keep reaching for that sub-space.  Never before have I been unable to grab it, pull it to me and wallow in it.  But it’s not to be. Maddeningly, it’s there, I can almost literally see it and touch it, but no more.

The pain is punching through me, I feel every tooth, every squeeze of your jaw.  My entire midsection is in this state of recoiling and reaching for you at the same time.  My body betrays me at the same time that it craves more and more.

When you’ve taken your fill for now, you slow a bit, and lay on me, head at the top of my leg.  The pain and pleasure is washing back and forth over my brain like this weird wave on the shore of the ocean – back and forth.  I’m completely out of control, tears in my eyes, near-panic in my head, but you never quite push past it, knowing just where that mark is for me.

As I come back down, you lay there with me.  At some point you undo the restraints.  At some point you relax my body and we slowly relax – you from Domme space and me from some other space between frustration beyond belief, pain and pleasure.