Almost makes it sound scholarly, yes? “Attitudinal” – basically how to keep your head on straight when you have the chance to see how orgasms can impact your attitude.
My personal sweet spot is that span of time when subbie-mindset is in full swing and at the same time, I’m climbing the walls wanting to get playtime with Charmer. [SSC: Is there ever a time when that isn’t the case? I don’t remember any but they say that the mind is the first thing to go.] But I’ve come to learn too that that’s indeed impacted by those times when I’m allowed to have an orgasm, vs. those times when I’m denied.
It’s a bit like a tank – my subbie mindset is – where it gets filled over time, emptied by an orgasm, and must be tended to in order to get refilled. I just wrote to Charmer on our private blog that I think the psychological schedule is something along these lines:
Day 0 – BOOYAH! Orgasm.
Day 1, AM – horny as hell, raring to go, dangerously so
Day 1, PM – Interested, horny, but controlled
Day 2, UNMANAGED, likely frustrated at “this whole thing” (the cage) and what is wrong with me – lots of self-doubt BS
Day 2, MANAGED, starts stepping on subbie-mindset buttons to get things rolling that way again.
Day 3, Lull in the world.
Day 4, Subbie mindset fully-established, horn-dog in action as the undercurrent
Day 9-14, Subbie mindset continues, dull-roar (good) horn-dog a fairly constant thing
Day 15-23, Ups and downs, mostly continuing day 9-14 stuff
Day 23+, frustration interspersed with more dull horn-dog. Subbie mindset still in play, constant level, slightly increasing to a point
That day 2 thing is dangerous space for me. I didn’t even realize it existed until Charmer started pointing out that, well, I needed to get my @#^@# together because it seemed to her like about 2 days after, I was essentially in a really crappy mindset. That if I didn’t figure it out, she’d simply prevent the problem. [SSC: Was I really that nice? I mean, yes, I was kind and understanding. Totally.] Know how to get my attention? That’s how. I think I mentioned before too that comments here on the blog were something along the lines of “get that stuff figured out – it’s not ok.”
So I started paying attention. When you’re in a denial/control arrangement, you have more…. opportunity… to recognize things that might be less apparent in a “full access” type of situation. Over the course of a couple of months, the pattern is pretty darn clear.
Which stinks. To think that these involuntary things go on is good to know, but I just feel like such an animal!
So I set out to understand and control it. What I found was, it’s manageable and actually can be turned into what I love – that proper subbie mindset.
I have no idea what other people experience, or if anyone has had the chance to really observe it, but what I do that really helps is to first recognize it, then shut it down and push it into submissive stuff – from actions (doing things for Charmer) [SSC: I like that part.] to re-thinking about playtimes to just not letting it get established and go down that rabbit hole. It works. It’s not even hard. It’s just knowing and doing something about it.
So, today’s lesson – learn how I respond, figure out what I do and don’t like and then mold that response to be more in line with what I want to be.
Does anyone else experience this (or some other) pattern?