I’m constantly amazed at how well Charmer has come to know me. I keep thinking I’m getting a handle on managing how I present myself and she spins right around and reads me like a book. I don’t think I’m this big mysterious person, but how she sees me and the ways she responds are on point.
Last weekend I lost my head. There’s really no other way to put it. A whole bunch of stuff from a whole lot of directions was capped off with surprise situation. I came unglued a bit (!) and it made for a very bumpy few days while I tried to back pedal and make up for stupid things going on in my head. The details aren’t important, but then in our writings this week, the question, out of the blue she asked…
How much, if any, did me letting you come on Thursday affect Friday and the weekend? I’m trying to figure out if it released some of the subbiness and affected your mood. Because, in my mind I think it did. Maybe not 100%. But a little bit at least.
I’m not one to be bratty (unless we’re goofing around) unless I just blow a situation. So it’s not like I was seeking attention. But her question really surprised me. I don’t know why, but the fact that she’d been taking the time to think it through on more than a “don’t ever do that again” basis or an outright punishment basis… well, I was caught off-guard a bit.
Now, I don’t want to suggest at all that she’s cold about her response to things. In fact, what I’m saying is exactly the opposite. She was working to understand, help me get better and move forward.
My answer was “no effect. None at all.” But then I had to think about it. I’ve started to see this ebb and flow of this mindset that does, indeed, seem to correlate with orgasms, and then the period after. I may be a weird guy, but the day after, I’m probably MORE interested in sex, but then 2-3 days later, I hit this valley that I have to be pretty aware of. After that, we’re back to a good mental space.
So, the answer was “yeah, it probably impacted things a little” (lot? who knows?) I couldn’t deny that it likely had an impact. How weird is that? But I never want to admit or talk about or address it – it’s not like I’m championing a cause here to never have an orgasm again. So how do you manage? How do you ride this sub-mindset way which I have come to crave, while not avoiding orgasms? Not in a topping from the bottom way, but in a “neither of us is looking for that particular flavor of the kink” way.
Charmer has decided we’re going to go with a longer time delay this time. She’s decided that it’s at least Labor Day (Sept 7) before we’ll be entertaining the idea of being allowed a full orgasm. That’s about 46 days or so since my last. On one hand, I will admit to an immediate calm. On the other hand, I didn’t like this a bit. On the still other hand, I have to admit that I certainly have earned it with my management of my reactions. I don’t actually think it’s being done as a punishment though, as much as someone that really knows what makes me tick and is willing to step in and make that happen.
For us, it’s about chastity, but not permanent chastity. It’s about orgasm control – she decides, period. It’s about this mindset thing that pushes all sorts of cool buttons for both of us. It’s just a smoother place to be. But now I just have to figure out how to manage it a bit I think.
I have so much to learn. I’m done analyzing and re-analyzing, but the learning, wow. I have to think there’s a happy medium somewhere. I don’t think it’s time between orgasms, I think it’s being aware and steering clear. But I’m not sure. If you have experienced this, and are up to it, it would be great to hear your thoughts and perhaps how you’ve come to address it in the comments.