Since our Memorial Day game, we have had several people asking about the rules and points for our games. We have basically have two different modes for our game. One is a 14 day rolling window for Snake to accumulate points to be eligible for an orgasm. The second is simply challenges that I throw out for a specific period of time. If he reaches the goal on specific challenges, he gets to add to his point value for the 14 day regular game. If he doesn’t, he loses points from the game.
Seems simple, right? Except Snake has been trying to write a page like the PA one where the game, rules and points are explained all weekend. He writes a draft and I read it. I run the game and I still couldn’t understand it. He added formatting because we thought that might help. He added a short overview in case people didn’t want to read a book. By last night, it became clear that it was trying to be too detailed. It was like writing Monopoly rules for some weird variation of the game that resembled Dungeons and Dragons. So, he is still working on it. It will be on the site soon, I promise.
On top of that, we had seen a couple of posts about orgasm control vs. orgasm denial. One in particular got us talking over the weekend. I know that a lot of the male chastity chatter online talks about orgasm denial. Lock them up and never let them out. I know there are a lot of men who write that they never want to come. I’m sure that some of this goes on, but it doesn’t work for us.
Our D/s dynamic is all about power exchange. Apparently I’m unusual, but I’m not a switch. I want to be in charge. I want to make the decisions. We talk, we throw ideas at each other, we have hard limits. We are married and respect each other. I am his wife, but also his Domme. It is how we work.
Because I am in charge, I control his orgasms. There are times when I deny his orgasms. No, you can’t come. If you do come and I’ve said no, there will be consequences.
On Saturday, I got a paddle in the mail. Daughter was there so it didn’t get opened until yesterday. We opened it and Snake was looking at it. He jokingly told me to bend over. I told him that wasn’t happening and told him to bend over. He gave it to me and I gave him a really light swat. He asked if that was all I had so I gave him a couple of harder swats. Nothing big deal because I knew we only had about half an hour before someone would be here. He wasn’t in his cage and got hard. Right away. Hmm…fun. I edged him a couple of times and then he asked if he could come. I said no, and proceeded to give him a ruined orgasm. Again, I’m in charge. I choose if, when and how he comes.
I’ve seen posts online that you are/aren’t a “real” Domme unless you do/don’t do x. I hate those. You can’t be a Domme if you have sex with your sub. Really? I’m pretty dominant when we have sex. It is my choice If I want to come while I am on my husband, that does not make me submissive. If I decide on the spur of the moment to give him an orgasm, it doesn’t make me submissive. Being dominant is who I am. No, I won’t be the same as another Domme. There isn’t a rule book somewhere. We are all individuals and bring our own desires and experiences to the table.
When we play, I decide if I want to come. Sometimes I just want to play with Snake. I want to control his senses. I want to try new sensations. I want to try new toys. I want to mark him as mine. I want his reactions. They are all mine, just like his orgasms. I choose what to give and what to deny.
In trying to reconcile all of these different things, the game, chastity control vs. denial, power exchanges and being dominant, I realized that I could sum up what I like in one simple sentence. Charmer gets to make the rules and Charmer gets to play.