Month: March 2015

For the Win

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Just to put it out there–I am competitive.  I can hear Snake snorting while he reads this because if there is an overly competitive person in this relationship, it is me.

I’ve never been sporty so I’ve always had to find other outlets.  School was easy.  I became Valedictorian to win.  If Snake and I have ridiculous arguments, they are usually having to do with winning.  In college, the game Othello almost ended our relationship several times because I could never win that stupid game.  Even now, my family tries to ply me with alcohol for a chance to win You Don’t Know Jack.

Snake and I took up dancing as an empty nest social activity.  We wanted to learn to dance so we could go out and feel comfortable.  No, we don’t want to compete.  Yeah, right.  Less than four months in I had started plotting competitions and shows.  And, of course, it isn’t just one dance.  It is six different ones and a group piece.  I never do things slowly.

The point of all of this is the sexual side of things.  I am constantly competing with myself.  I edged him x number of times last week so I want more this week.  If I can ruin one orgasm, can I ruin three?  (Yes, I can.)  It’s always more, better, faster, longer with me.

Not that Snake is without his own competitiveness.  If I have fewer orgasms in one session, he always wants to know if he did something wrong or could do something better.  And he pushes his limits with me as well.

Before he decided to get his PA, Snake did enough research to become an expert on everything except how he himself would react.  It was planned for the end of the week so he wouldn’t have problems at work and a Steelheart was ordered so it would arrive about the end of his healing period.  Everyone said it would be about four weeks to heal.  So, of course, he had to do better than that.  🙂

As he has written, he had very little pain or bleeding.  It also wasn’t tender at all.  So, on Friday, I thought I’d play a little.  He tried to distract me, but that never works when I’m on a mission.  To his surprise and my glee, it not only didn’t hurt but felt really good.  Good enough that he got his orgasm about three weeks earlier than he thought he would.

Not that he should get his hopes up that anything has really changed for his chastity.  But, Friday night, I won.

Well, I didn’t die.

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I suppose there’s that.

Just an update on the healing process for the PA – I have been liking waking up with the lovely morning wood, but have had a couple of rather odd experiences.  One related directly to that, the other, well, you’ll see.

On the healing front, things have been… sensitive.  It’s almost like a very bruised type of feeling, but I attribute it not to the piercing process itself, but the ring torquing things around.  I mentioned that the ring is larger than I expected, and I suspect it sits funny during the normal course of the day.  In this time getting used to that, it can make things pretty sensitive (like a deep itch or bruise) and at times a bit like pinching.

I don’t have any worries about something being wrong; truly just think things are healing (no redness, no infection, no other issues).  But it’s annoying at times.

The other night though… wow.  I woke up to the sensation of my penis being wrenched around.  It was the first night that I’d messed up and ended up sleeping on my stomach.  I woke up to this pain that was pretty sharp.  Of course, you don’t think very clearly when you’re asleep, so my mind immediately went to “OMIGOD, I’m going to have that bifurcated penis thing the piercer was joking around about!  I’m going to die from this piercing!“

As I came awake, I grabbed my crotch, exclaiming and panicking.  Of course Charmer was consoling me too – and wondering what had just happened.  It hurt.  Pretty badly!

I grabbed hold of things, headed to the bathroom to see the damage.  I had clearly caught the ring on something or torn something, so needed to see what I had to do now.

When I got to the bathroom and looked…

Nothing.

Not one damn thing.

Not even a red spot.

WTF?  I was in serious pain here.  Then, as my brain fog started to lift, I realized that it actually didn’t hurt much any more.  I must have just put pressure on it wrong.  My brain registered it as “the world is ending!”  and proceeded to wake me (and Charmer) up out of our slumber.

I couldn’t believe it.  I was embarrassed, aggravated and wide awake, as was Charmer.  Sigh.

Things are good, the healing is coming right along.  Of course Charmer is taking every opportunity to point out that “Gee, it’s too bad you’re healing, we’ll just have to hold off on your play time, but that doesn’t mean *I* can’t play!“

Right you are, Charmer.  Right you are.

Walk with Pride, Man, Walk with Pride!

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There’s an old joke that goes something like this…

A player, new to the game of baseball is having the ins and outs explained to him while watching a game.

As batters come up, they swing, miss, some hit of course.  But a bit later, the batter is up.

Pitch… ball.

Pitch… ball.

Pitch… ball

As the last pitch is ready to go, the person helping the newbie explains “If this last one is a ball too, the batter gets to go to first.  He’ll get walked.”  The newbie looks at the person helping them, thinks for a minute, then goes back to watching.

Pitch… ball.

With that, the person explain says “He gets to walk, he’s got four balls!”

The newbie stands up and start cheering madly.  He yells to the runner… “Walk with PRIDE my man, WALK WITH PRIDE!”

Now, I won’t claim to have four balls.  But I will say that the new PA has a tendency to introduce new swagger.  It’s a great feeling that I went through with something that was more than a little scary, but is awesome.

The latest update is that things are fine.  No bleeding, no … nothing.  Just getting used to having a ring there and trying to imagine what things will be like going forward… in a good way.  But that’s for another post.

PA – Prince Albert Piercing Experience – Day 2 and 3

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One thing that I have not seen mentioned anywhere at all, and that surprised me when I had this done a couple days ago, was the initial jewelry size.  The 10g ring wasn’t unusual, but the circumference of the ring was surprising. It’s big.  Very big.

In talking with a few other people that had it done, they experienced the same thing (whether they had a ring or a barbell).  The initial jewelry is oversized so you can determine what works for your own anatomy.

So, don’t be surprised if the ring is a 7/8″ diameter or something close to that. It looks abnormally large.  The thinking behind this is that you need to find out how your body reacts to the ring and piercing and find out how much your stuff changes when you get an erection.  This all comes in to determine the final sizing of the ring or barbell.

Day 2

As a general status update, Day 2 had some bleeding, but nothing big deal.  I used a maxi-pad… one.  it stopped bleeding later in the day.  The blood wasn’t a big deal at all, but would have been a pain without the pad.  I have a new-found respect for the periods that ladies have to put up with.  I mean, those pads work great, but getting them in and positioned … just not something I’ve ever had to deal with.

A little pinchy-type sore (see above for the big ring stuff, that I think is a big cause of this).  But nothing at all that was a big deal.  I would describe it as an itch-level annoyance. I can see some very, very slight puffiness, but I can certainly understand that given the piercing that was done less than 24 hours prior.

Day 3

No bleeding at all.  Puffiness has gone down, but not gone.  It’s a bit more annoying today with the bigger ring.  I may go back to the piercer early in the week to try to get the ring swapped out.  I’d like to go down perhaps to a 1/2″ or so.  I don’t know the options and I don’t know their suggestions/recommendations or issues swapping it out so quickly.  We’ll see what they suggest.

I’ve had no stinging when peeing – something you see people talk about quite a bit.  I’m not sure why I haven’t had it, but it just hasn’t been there at all.  I’m feeling really good about how it’s healing and settling in.

Also getting over the shock that I went through with it finally and have it!  So cool.

PA – Prince Albert Piercing – Day Of

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Today was the day.  I went to get my Prince Albert (PA) piercing and boy was it different from what I expected!

First, I was really freaked out about going into a shop, dropping my pants and getting poked.  I mean, who does that?!?

The shop we (Charmer came with me) went to was selected after a lot (believe me, obsessive that I am) of research and reading reviews, talking with people, etc.  It was spotless.  I was worried that I wouldn’t follow through, so I made a specific appointment with them.  I figured it would be harder to break. 🙂

We showed up and the shop is immaculate.  The people are very, very nice and knowledgable, they answered any question I had straight-up without flinching.  Let’s face it, they’ve probably heard all of the possible questions 100 times before.  But they were really cool about it and took the ring we agreed to back to the autoclave and to get the room ready.

The piercer has been doing this for a looooooong time, and was completely aware of what was going through my head.  He explained how it would all start and just that it would be fine.  Good gawd, you’d think I was having a major life-threatening surgery or something with the questions in my head.  I mean, with what you see online –

– make sure they sterilize with an autoclave (they do/did)
– ask about aftercare (I did, but they had already covered it)
– ask about experience (they offered it in advance)
– look for how clean the room is – it was immaculate
– look at their tools and needles – are they wrapped and sealed?  Yup.

I had all of these checks running around in my head from horror stories you read and hear about.  I was feeling pretty good that I knew what to expect.

Then it happened.

“Drop your shorts to your knees and have a seat…”

Alrighty then!  I guess we’re really going to do this.  Now, I’m not one to just drop my shorts willy-nilly.  Let alone in a store.  But there I am, piercer and assistant, Charmer and me, just hangin’ out.

I sat back in the chair and then it was lowered back to laying down.  I was concentrating hard… on closing my damn eyes!  Then he wanted to show me what he was going to do.  “This is the receiver tube…”  Great. Move along now.  I don’t need to see the needle and other goodies.  Thank you.

He put in the receiving tube.  It wasn’t a big deal at all.  It was a little pressure, a little “zing” and it was in place.  No problem.  He was teaching his assistant too, so a little dialog about “see, you can see where it is here, and line it up exactly with the mark we made…” went on.  No problem.  Then he tugged on the receiving tube just a small bit.  That was it.  It was over.  He told me it was done, that he was putting in the ring.

I felt the ring slide in and adjust, then he was done.  No searing pain.  No pain at all really. Just shock. I honestly had no idea he had even done it.

The ring is in, a couple of drops of blood so far and doesn’t even sting to pee.  Amazing.

Afterward we got a great discussion about what to expect, what changes there will likely be, when we can play around again, etc.  We also talked about sizing, about what to keep an eye out for.  Super simple.  No sweat.

We left and got lunch – to talk about it and watch me be stupid giddy with relief, adrenaline and excitement that I did it.  I went through with it and I couldn’t be more excited.

Some questions:

Can you get a PA if you’re a grower?
Yep.  I can vouch for that.

What if you “turtle” when you go in there?  Won’t they laugh?  
It’s OK.  What would YOU do if someone came at you with a needle.  Of course you may turtle.  They even told me ahead of time.  It’s not a big deal.

What if I get an erection?
It’s OK.  They can mark things easily and wait for you to calm down.

Does it hurt?
Seriously…. no.  In my case, there was a small stinging sensation as the receiving tube went in.  A bit of pressure when he pierced.  A small sting when he put in the jewelry.  I got snagged by my cat a day or so ago – it hurt more than this did.

Doesn’t it bleed like a mother?
Not in my case.  One thing he did that I thought was really smart, he pierced at a size smaller than the jewelry, then stretched up around the jewelry.  It made it seal better to the jewelry and kept the bleeding from happening.  I’ve had a couple spots, but…

What does it feel like?
Too soon to tell, but so far, it’s not a bad feeling at all!  I’ll keep you posted.

Does it burn to pee?
Not so far, not at all. I understand this is unusual to NOT have the stinging for a day or three.

Why would you do this at your age (50ish)?
‘Cuz it rocks.  And because it’s something I wanted to do, simple. SO glad I did.

I’ll keep you posted on healing and other goodies.

Weird, The Cage Is…

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I think the influence of the cage is strange.

I’ve not had it on for a few days because of travel and circumstance.  To say that it’s… different, is putting it mildly.  I’m sure it’s psychological.  I mean, how can NOT having a stainless steel cage on me make a difference in my mindset, if it’s not that?

I find that, now that I’ve had it on for the last year or so, I do miss it. I’ve read about others experiencing this.  It’s not a lack of sub-mindset, but it is different.  I know Thumper has talked about it over the years many times.  I never really understood how it could be, but it most certainly is.  There’s a difference in me, and Charmer sees it too.

But it’s stronger than that.  It’s like the O-control has softer corners and edges.  It’s still very much there, but it’s a “because I will it” not a “because she’s controlling it actively.”  Weird.

I find myself thinking through many aspects of this whole thing – the differences in life, the mental state (heh, always question my mental state), the “why” of it all.  Charmer is always amazed that I spend so much time wondering why it all works.  She’s much more of a “hey, it works, that’s great!”  I’m more of a “yeah, but why?  It makes no sense!”

What’s odd is in talking with different people on Twitter and reading other blogs, there is often one of the people in the mix that thinks things through – and in male-sub relationships, it seems to predominantly be the male.  It’s strange to think (see, analyzing again) that “it’s a guy thing” – I mean, what would that be about?   Just not sure.  I think there is much to learn.

But, then again, that’s what makes all of this so amazing!

Surprising Conversations

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This week I’ll be getting a PA done (Prince Albert piercing) and am really looking forward to it.  OK, so I’m not looking forward to the act of getting it done, but I’m looking forward to having it… But I had to laugh at a conversation with Charmer this morning –

Me, to her: “When you head to the store this week can you pick me up a box of maxi-pads?”

Now THERE is a conversation I never anticipated having.  I’ve seen in many places that the pads work wonders to absorb as you heal from the piercing.  I’ll let you know how it all goes – but we both thought it was funny.

The conversations have certainly changed in our life.  Since we started this change to our life, conversations include everything from new things to try to why certain reactions happen.  We’ve talked more about us, more about who we are as a couple, as individuals and what’s important to each.  It’s made for some very frank conversations, which is pretty amazing after being together for so long.  It’s pretty magical to be able to go through this morphing process into whatever is next.

I currently have a MM Queen’s Keep device (have used a CB6000s as well) and am awaiting my shiny new Steelworxx device, complete with the PA fixing.  It should be here roughly coinciding with heal time on the PA.  Fingers crossed.

I’ll keep you posted on the whole PA thing.  I hope my experience encourages others who are considering it.  I know when you ask questions on Twitter, Reddit, etc. that the answers are almost always positive (after you get past people raving crazily about how you are CRAZY to consider it).  I hope to bring my experiences with it here to the blog and provide another sampling to consider.

My biggest thing is the actual act of getting it done.  I can take the rest.  I just can’t imagine rolling up to the piercing shop, flopping out my junk and saying “yes, yes.  Stick the needle right there…”  Egad.

All I can say is thank goodness I don’t have to figure out “wings on the pads.”  Sigh.

Of Birthdays and Anniversaries

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Not sure what it is about birthdays and anniversaries that make you stop and take stock. It’s our anniversary time of year and it’s hard to overstate just how much of a year of change this has been.

On the personal front, many changes.  But on the “lifestyle” front, so many things have started to impact our lives in such amazing, positive ways.  The last year has been one of growing and learning and exploring.  What a rush it’s been.

For me, I’ve learned that there is so much to this D/s and FLR lifestyle.  While they are definitely intertwined, they are separate areas.  We’ve managed to start putting many, many things in place.  And I love it.  I never really thought about it before.  I just would never have considered the feelings of “right” that I’ve discovered in working with Charmer in so many areas.

I love the excuse it all brings to do things for her.  I suppose it’s “serving” her, but I stumble over the term.  For me, it’s just a race to see if I can find new ways to make her life, our life, easier. I’m not saying that I have put on an apron and danced around the house as I gleefully dust the shelves.

What I am saying is that I actively look for ways to be involved. I look for ways to take things off her plate and share the workload.  I look for ways to make things easier for her.  And it not only helps her, but I have this newly discovered “warm feeling inside” in doing these things.  It sounds corny, I do realize that. I guess I really like the control I have over all of these things.

In my “other” life – you know, the one that pays the bills – I’m very much the “Alpha” and have both a lot of control and none.  As anyone will attest that has significant responsibilities for people, products, business and sales, you feel in control, but in many cases, you’re trying to control the chaos for a particular income.

With the subbie, warm feelings inside (puke) side of me with Charmer, I’ve found that I can control and really do well at managing things in our personal lives so she doesn’t have to do them.  Yep.  I do dust, laundry, deal with things around the house.  She does too – but now the individual work load is shifted.  And it’s good.  Very good.

It flips my subbie buttons.

And that’s something that’s come to really be clearer in the last year (going back to how I started this post), my subbie buttons exist!  I had no real idea. I had glimmers, but nothing that I’d ever considered.  I’ve learned so much, but I also know for sure that I have so much more to learn.

It’s so not just about the bedroom sub stuff (though, I have to tell you, um, wow), but rather about the whole of what we’re experiencing together.

– A chastity cage for me – amazing and conversation-inducing.  It works on many levels to bring new attention to your love life. I’ll have more on this as we go forward.  But to me, it makes no sense the level of impact it has had on our lives.  24×7, been using for more than a year at this point.  LOVE it. It’s not for everyone, but… wow.

– Power exchange – goes with the first item.  Kink, I suppose.  We’re lovin’ it. (Sorry McD)

– FLR – so much – more to come, but learning and enjoying

– New friends and confidants!  Wow.  NEVER thought this would be a side-effect.

Anyway, all of this to say that we’re off having a rather intense, kinky celebration of our anniversary.  Will be on-again, off-again on twitter and the like, but hope you take some time to do some personal thinking about all you’ve done in the last year… and what you’ll do looking forward.

Glimpses of Sub-Space

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I was surprised to learn that sub-space is a visible thing – I didn’t realize it until Charmer mentioned it in relation to a picture post she’d found.

I thought it was more mental, more in my head.  To think that you can see it.  Yikes. This whole thing really is a “laid bare” kind of relationship.  I think that’s a big piece of D/s — being OK doing that.  The letting go.  I think it’s required as part of it all, but I didn’t really expect it to be so clear or perceptible.

If you think about it, about BDSM, about FLR, it’s all about trust and releasing (or taking) control.  Yeah, yeah.  I realize it’s about power exchange.  But it’s more than that.  I never considered how it would be mental, physical and the combination.  I think those are really three different things.

I see the mental as willingness and the FLR changes in lifestyle.  I see the physical as trusting and being open to new ideas, new things and letting her completely drive all the different aspects of that, often in playtime, but at other times too.  And it can’t be “some” or “up to a point” (safewords aside), it has to be all-in. If it’s not, boundaries can’t be pushed, the Domme can’t be doing what she wants, etc.

But the “combination” is where the magic has proven to be.  When the physical is combined with the mental – things that we’ve found we like, things where she combines the sensations and D/s and control and such.  Those are beyond anything I thought possible.  I think that “combination” space is Sub-Space, especially when it’s deep and complete.

THAT is incredible.  I’ve also seen that she sees and feels similar things herself when I am there.  I see it in her eyes, her actions, her care.  Her attitude changes, her approach is different.  She is both really into it, and experiencing it at the same time.  It’s pretty amazing.

I feel so lucky to have us going down this road to discovering these things.

~SteeledSnake

What I’ve Learned So Far

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I’m by no means an expert.  I look at where I have to go, and where others are, and I’m in awe of their devotion to their partner.  I’m Hers, Thumper and several others show just how important, and how hard, it is to be in the right mind set.  To be aware of the change in lifestyle, when you go the FLR/M route.

For us, it started as play time.  It started wanting to experience more and to try new things.  I’m sure over time we’ll get into the steps along the way to get where we are, and will be talking about where we’d like to go.  But right now, I’m fascinated by the changes to date in our now-33+ year relationship.

I’ve really struggled with the term “submissive.”  I’ve never seen myself as submitting – in fact I’m an alpha in nearly every bit of my life… except at home.  I don’t consider myself a switch, and I’ve come to understand a different kind of inner “peace” (how cliche’ is that?) with the /s/ side of me.  But still, that word.  Submissive.  It has such meaning – you “submit” to so someone by giving in.  You “submit” to someone for their approval, for their acceptance, for their OK to continue.

But with this lifestyle, and I’m talking FLR stuff at the moment, with a healthy dose of D/s, it is one of the hardest things for me to say about myself.  I’m a submissive.  Not in a “I’m less than she is” way, but in a choice way.  I am hers and I try to make things I do, for her.  I see it really as a license to invoke chivalry.  I love that thought.  The idea that I get to hold doors, put her coat on for her, take it off when she doesn’t need it, take care of her… it’s magic.

We continue to define how we interact.  In the bedroom, in our lives, in our hobbies.  The whole lifestyle has infiltrated most areas now (it’s been 16 months since we started in earnest, Thanksgiving-ish of 2013).  Decisions are hers, with input from me.  We love each other very much and are respectful, even when playing.  She’s a natural Domme and I have come to know and understand that I’m naturally submissive in so many of these areas.

This blog will be about all of that.  And more.  The mind games that come from it for me (and for her) are intriguing and fascinating.  Getting used to things.  Trying things.  Yes, submitting.  This blog will go into that, talk about those things, my experiences, hopefully her experiences as well, and try to share  just a bit about our lives in this corner of the universe.

~Steeled Snake